Friday, January 9, 2009

6 weeks, 1 day: Thanking the Lord for Instant Pudding

I'm serious. Whoever made that stuff should get an award. I haven't eaten it since I was pregnant last time, but it's the ultimate upset-tummy food. And easy to make! And MOST importantly, it DOESN'T SMELL!!! Woo hoo!!

I contacted Dr. Lemon-Ginger's office today and got the promised Zofran prescription called in, so now the ball is in the insurance company's court. Will they or won't they? We'll know by tomorrow.

I also canceled my ultrasound appointment. I had been looking forward to it, but considering (a) how yucky I feel in the mornings, and (b) the fact that one has to go through TORTURE to get it done (i.e. drinking 44 oz. of water and holding it for 2 hours), I figured it wasn't worth the trouble - especially since the original reason (cessation of pg symptoms) has obviously vanished!

And so, the big question..... Do I have HG? Most emphatically, no. Pray God it stays that way. Right now I'm uncomfortable most of the time and miserable mornings and nights, but I am not despondent, despairing or quasi-suicidal, all of which were the case last time. I think that I would be, barring the Bendectin, but the Bendectin is helping me hold the line - praise God for that! Hitting the six week mark has been a triumph, just because I remember that last time at six weeks I wanted to die. Literally. Now I'm at least semi-functional, hurray!

One thing that is harder now is that I have a roving mess-maker in the house whom I am no longer able to clean up after efficiently - and I refer to my toddler, not my husband. Last time I didn't clean for six months and it was fine - things just got dusty. Now it looks like a tornado hit! But thankfully DH is stepping up to the plate and we are making it through. It's just going to be messy for a while. Another huge blessing is that my mom, who is in town helping us get our house ready, has agreed to step back from the house stuff and let my dad and DH handle that while she focuses a bit more on helping with DS and things over here. Praise God for that arrangement!

As I mentioned earlier, this is the end of the road reproductively for me. I know I said that with DS, but I am serious this time. I can't do this again. Not only would I risk HG again with another pregnancy (and the risk is not over with this one - far from it), but I am sick-sick-sick of living in fear. I'm tired of never being able to make long-term plans ("Well, I'd love to give her a baby shower/help with a wedding/join a committee/plan a visit, but I'd better not volunteer for it because if I got pregnant, I'd have to back out"). I'm tired of having to watch my diet and take supplements for the "what ifs" (to prepare in advance for pregnancy). And I am SICK and tired of living the last half of my cycle in breath-stopping fear. So I'm going to find out from my midwife what our options are, and do that as soon as is humanly possible after the birth. I'm sorry to end my reproductive life so young, but it is simply not worth living in the fear.

Speaking of my midwife, I spoke to her yesterday, and her comment on the possibility of finding a supportive OB outside of the two she knows was, I believe, something along the lines of "Good luck!" along with a muffled snort of laughter. Sad, isn't it? American doctors are taught ACOG's party line of midwife-hatred waaaayyyy too well.

Well, I'd better go! Love to all!

Oh, and if you missed it, check out the entry below on the ongoing HG research project! HG mums, listen up!

1 comment:

  1. I got to thinking...can a family/general practice doctor treat your HG? I know they're legally allowed to and I wonder if they'd be more willing? Especially since between you and Wendi you'd know if something was unsafe for pregnancy on the off chance a doctor wanted to try something odd, it might be willing to try??? I mean is there any law that says OBs are the only doctors who can attend to pregnant women?


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