Yes, here we are! Nine weeks and moving right along. I'm not going to claim victory till after the first trimester is completed (and probably not even then - HG has been known to show up unexpectedly later in pregnancy), but each passing day gives a little more hope that HG has been avoided. Huzzah!
This last week is one which I will be glad to forget. We are still phone-less and internet-less, surrounded by stacks of boxes in the most chaotic mess you've ever seen, due to the presence of an active toddler and a mum who is too tired to unpack - and too nauseated to even THINK about unpacking the kitchen! Add onto that an inventory list that was lost until yesterday (so searching for anything meant a random hacking open of boxes in vain and futile searches), a couple of scorpions, various financial tangles, and a really nice version of the stomach flu which hit DH two nights ago! I will be very, very glad to leave this week (and probably the next couple weeks!) far, far behind.
And so I will leave you with this parting rejoinder - NEVER plan a move during early pregnancy! (Or, conversely, never plan a pregnancy during a move!)
Love to all,
Diana
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
8 weeks, 5 days: Move Completed
Yes, we're moved, praise the Lord! It was quite a project. Now we have a home that is hard to navigate due to piles of boxes, but at least we're in. I am too tired and/or nauseated to even THINK about unpacking more than about one box a day, so we'll be lucky to be unpacked by the time baby arrives. But at least life can (hopefully) assume a less-frantic pace now that our deadline is over and done with!
I think my approach to new-home-ownership can be described as something like "panic-stricken" or maybe "terror-filled." I might just have to change the name of this blog to "The Panic-Stricken Homeowner"! I'm just waiting nervously for things to quit, explode, burn, flood, break, leak or cave in. We've gotten through the first 48 hours with no catastrophes and only one scorpion, though, so things are coming along! Hubbie is as happy as a bug - he loves bustling about the house checking on things. It's the male-protector in him, I think! So he is beaming and I'm cowering, and things are moving right along.
I started throwing up a lot more than usual the day after our move and have kept it up - more like every couple of hours rather than just in the afternoons. Maybe I overdid it? Or maybe it's paint/carpet fumes? Who knows. Hopefully it'll calm down. I'm getting my wonderful stomach muscles back from all the exercise throwing up, but frankly, I'd rather just be a non-muscled and non-vomiting wimp.
I've discovered a big problem with cravings. I'll decide that something sounds good, but by the time that the 24-48 hours goes by for me to send DH to the store to get the supplies to make it, things have reversed and the previously-desired item is now absolutely revolting. This has happened at least five times! So I think I'm just going to give up on it and stick to instant oatmeal (a gooey mess, but easy on the stomach and easy to make).
Well, it's time to head for home! We have no internet or phone at home for the next 3-7 days, so all communication is done from work and/or church. Our email address has been cancelled, too, so if you email me it'll probably come back! I'll post our new address as soon as we have one.
Love to all!
Diana
I think my approach to new-home-ownership can be described as something like "panic-stricken" or maybe "terror-filled." I might just have to change the name of this blog to "The Panic-Stricken Homeowner"! I'm just waiting nervously for things to quit, explode, burn, flood, break, leak or cave in. We've gotten through the first 48 hours with no catastrophes and only one scorpion, though, so things are coming along! Hubbie is as happy as a bug - he loves bustling about the house checking on things. It's the male-protector in him, I think! So he is beaming and I'm cowering, and things are moving right along.
I started throwing up a lot more than usual the day after our move and have kept it up - more like every couple of hours rather than just in the afternoons. Maybe I overdid it? Or maybe it's paint/carpet fumes? Who knows. Hopefully it'll calm down. I'm getting my wonderful stomach muscles back from all the exercise throwing up, but frankly, I'd rather just be a non-muscled and non-vomiting wimp.
I've discovered a big problem with cravings. I'll decide that something sounds good, but by the time that the 24-48 hours goes by for me to send DH to the store to get the supplies to make it, things have reversed and the previously-desired item is now absolutely revolting. This has happened at least five times! So I think I'm just going to give up on it and stick to instant oatmeal (a gooey mess, but easy on the stomach and easy to make).
Well, it's time to head for home! We have no internet or phone at home for the next 3-7 days, so all communication is done from work and/or church. Our email address has been cancelled, too, so if you email me it'll probably come back! I'll post our new address as soon as we have one.
Love to all!
Diana
Thursday, January 22, 2009
8 weeks, 0 days: Upcoming Radio Silence
Hello, everyone! I thought I'd better write another blog entry quickly so that my last incendiary political entry didn't show up first to newcomers. :)
Things are fine here. I grow more confident each day that HG has been avoided through the combination of divine mercy and Zofran/Unisom, but I'll be holding my breath till at least the end of the first trimester. I'm a nice deep shade of green, but nothing worse, and I'm only throwing up every other day or so. My goodness, though, how the world smells! I am avoiding my kitchen like the plague, because just being close to it is nauseating.
This pregnancy is playing out just like the last one, in terms of likes and dislikes. Last time I had to wait till I could eat before they manifested; now they're here earlier. The things I like best are extremely strong/pungent things - meat-lover's pizza and hotdogs smothered in condiments. If you want to make me gag, on the other hand, show me a salad or a chicken breast.
We are moving on Saturday, so expect a bit of a delay in entries!
Love to all,
Diana
Things are fine here. I grow more confident each day that HG has been avoided through the combination of divine mercy and Zofran/Unisom, but I'll be holding my breath till at least the end of the first trimester. I'm a nice deep shade of green, but nothing worse, and I'm only throwing up every other day or so. My goodness, though, how the world smells! I am avoiding my kitchen like the plague, because just being close to it is nauseating.
This pregnancy is playing out just like the last one, in terms of likes and dislikes. Last time I had to wait till I could eat before they manifested; now they're here earlier. The things I like best are extremely strong/pungent things - meat-lover's pizza and hotdogs smothered in condiments. If you want to make me gag, on the other hand, show me a salad or a chicken breast.
We are moving on Saturday, so expect a bit of a delay in entries!
Love to all,
Diana
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
7 weeks, 5 days: Congratulations J & A!!
I want to issue our biggest congratulations to our friends J. and A., who two days ago gave birth to their first-born son Jude. Good job, A.! I can't wait to hear your birth story and meet your sweet little one! Send pictures!
J. and A. are our first (I think?) personal friends to attempt a homebirth (since we've known them, that is - we've made lots of friends with HB families) - with one of our midwives, no less! Unfortunately they ended up transferring for high maternal blood pressure and so weren't able to birth at home, but it sounds like they had a great experience anyway and are probably at home by now.
Good job, you guys!!
On this end, the world continues a deep shade of green, but no worse, thank the Lord. I am consciously willing these weeks to go quickly - they don't seem to be obeying, but I try.
I attempted to watch the inauguration this morning from the church, but no luck - the networks were just too overloaded on the internet and the best I could get was a few choppy pictures. Bummer. I always like keeping up with historical events, regardless of who's being inaugurated. Regarding the whole to-do, what is there to say? Not much more than I said at the elections - God help us all. I am absolutely disgusted at the sappy and tearful media love-fest over this man (gosh, where was that the two times Bush was elected?). However, he was lawfully elected, and God is not going to protect a country from the choices they make at the voting box. But before I degenerate into political mudslinging (and I have NO desire to start political debates on this blog), I will simply say that President Obama is now in my constant prayers - for his safety and that of his family, for wisdom, and for spiritual growth. I don't envy any man or woman the job that he now faces.
J. and A. are our first (I think?) personal friends to attempt a homebirth (since we've known them, that is - we've made lots of friends with HB families) - with one of our midwives, no less! Unfortunately they ended up transferring for high maternal blood pressure and so weren't able to birth at home, but it sounds like they had a great experience anyway and are probably at home by now.
Good job, you guys!!
On this end, the world continues a deep shade of green, but no worse, thank the Lord. I am consciously willing these weeks to go quickly - they don't seem to be obeying, but I try.
I attempted to watch the inauguration this morning from the church, but no luck - the networks were just too overloaded on the internet and the best I could get was a few choppy pictures. Bummer. I always like keeping up with historical events, regardless of who's being inaugurated. Regarding the whole to-do, what is there to say? Not much more than I said at the elections - God help us all. I am absolutely disgusted at the sappy and tearful media love-fest over this man (gosh, where was that the two times Bush was elected?). However, he was lawfully elected, and God is not going to protect a country from the choices they make at the voting box. But before I degenerate into political mudslinging (and I have NO desire to start political debates on this blog), I will simply say that President Obama is now in my constant prayers - for his safety and that of his family, for wisdom, and for spiritual growth. I don't envy any man or woman the job that he now faces.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
7 weeks, 2 days: Wisdom from the first seven weeks
I've been thinking a lot about what I've learned these first seven weeks, and I wanted to share a few points. These are all based on stupid mistakes I've made, so hopefully none of you will have to make the same errors!
(1) Don't think that Dr. Wonderful for pregnancy/birth is Dr. Wonderful for HG.
All of the traits that make for a Dr. Wonderful with pregnancy and birth (in the natural birth world, that is) - things like patience, faith in natural processes, reluctance to intervene, dislike of using drugs, reliance on natural medicines - are likely to make for a Dr. Awful in HG treatment. While there might be a doctor who's great on both ends, it's my impression that the best doc to treat HG is likely to be the foot-tapping, clock-watching, pitocin-pushing, scissor-happy Dr. Jerk with the 70% c-section rate who never met a labor-augmenting drug he didn't like!
(2) Do your research in advance. Not when you get pregnant.
I really did do my research in advance - a whole year of it. But, frankly, I was going in the wrong direction. I now know just about everything about natural treatment for morning sickness, but, to be quite frank, none of it has worked. I can't say that my pre-HG protocol didn't have any effect, because it might conceivably have mitigated my symptoms and kept it from being worse. But I never experienced direct relief from any of the natural remedies - only the pharmaceuticals. (And I ended up dumping all of my herbal teas/infusions/etc. a couple of weeks ago because the very smell of them was making me vomit! Literally!) The end result is that I had to do my drug research for HG while pregnant and sick, and that is not the best way to do things.
(3) Fight your insurance before you need the drugs.
Preferably pre-conception, but definitely pre-HG. If you've had it before and you know you'll have it again, do your fighting before you need the drugs. I waited until I needed Zofran to start fighting for it - bad idea. It took one week, start to finish, to get the prescription approved, and I had an incredibly, miraculously easy road. If your insurance wants to be stinky, it can take weeks - too long. I survived because I was not super-sick and because I had a store of Zofran to get me through. You might not be so blessed.
(4) Don't assume that "honesty" means "full disclosure"
This point is really obscure, and won't apply to too many people. Anyhow, when I was searching for an OB, my main concern was finding one who would work with a midwife's client (not many will, sadly). So my first question was always, "Are you okay with working with a midwife's client? Will you still take me?" - a question with deplorable results, as you've seen by previous blog entries. I realize now that there is no need for me to disclose everything. If I had it to do over again, I would go to my chosen OB, quietly accept all the ridiculously unnecessary prenatal procedures that she required, get treatment for HG, and then quietly "change practices" after treatment was no longer needed. Possibly not the most straight-forward method, but it would have saved a lot of heartache.
There, you've been instructed! Now don't make any of the same mistakes I did!
Love,
Diana
(1) Don't think that Dr. Wonderful for pregnancy/birth is Dr. Wonderful for HG.
All of the traits that make for a Dr. Wonderful with pregnancy and birth (in the natural birth world, that is) - things like patience, faith in natural processes, reluctance to intervene, dislike of using drugs, reliance on natural medicines - are likely to make for a Dr. Awful in HG treatment. While there might be a doctor who's great on both ends, it's my impression that the best doc to treat HG is likely to be the foot-tapping, clock-watching, pitocin-pushing, scissor-happy Dr. Jerk with the 70% c-section rate who never met a labor-augmenting drug he didn't like!
(2) Do your research in advance. Not when you get pregnant.
I really did do my research in advance - a whole year of it. But, frankly, I was going in the wrong direction. I now know just about everything about natural treatment for morning sickness, but, to be quite frank, none of it has worked. I can't say that my pre-HG protocol didn't have any effect, because it might conceivably have mitigated my symptoms and kept it from being worse. But I never experienced direct relief from any of the natural remedies - only the pharmaceuticals. (And I ended up dumping all of my herbal teas/infusions/etc. a couple of weeks ago because the very smell of them was making me vomit! Literally!) The end result is that I had to do my drug research for HG while pregnant and sick, and that is not the best way to do things.
(3) Fight your insurance before you need the drugs.
Preferably pre-conception, but definitely pre-HG. If you've had it before and you know you'll have it again, do your fighting before you need the drugs. I waited until I needed Zofran to start fighting for it - bad idea. It took one week, start to finish, to get the prescription approved, and I had an incredibly, miraculously easy road. If your insurance wants to be stinky, it can take weeks - too long. I survived because I was not super-sick and because I had a store of Zofran to get me through. You might not be so blessed.
(4) Don't assume that "honesty" means "full disclosure"
This point is really obscure, and won't apply to too many people. Anyhow, when I was searching for an OB, my main concern was finding one who would work with a midwife's client (not many will, sadly). So my first question was always, "Are you okay with working with a midwife's client? Will you still take me?" - a question with deplorable results, as you've seen by previous blog entries. I realize now that there is no need for me to disclose everything. If I had it to do over again, I would go to my chosen OB, quietly accept all the ridiculously unnecessary prenatal procedures that she required, get treatment for HG, and then quietly "change practices" after treatment was no longer needed. Possibly not the most straight-forward method, but it would have saved a lot of heartache.
There, you've been instructed! Now don't make any of the same mistakes I did!
Love,
Diana
Friday, January 16, 2009
7 weeks, 1 day: Continuing the Journey
I have tons to write, and have in fact been writing virtual blog entries in my head rather continuously. However, I've just been too nauseated to write much! And this will, thus, be a short entry. And probably not too coherent of one.
My big praise is that my insurance approved the Zofran - thank the Lord! I think it took the prayers of my entire church and assorted friends to accomplish that miracle. It is keeping me sane, though it doesn't take all the nausea away (bummer!).
I'm just trying to hold the line and keep going one day at a time. I still do not have HG, praise God, just miserable round-the-clock nausea. Thankfully, the Zofran seems to have taken care of the vomiting, which is a big relief. I'm grateful to have passed the seven-week mark, and I'm trying to stay with the present and be grateful for an easier road. After all, what I am now considering "miserable" was better known as "heavenly" last time - after all, I'm typing at a computer, right? Not huddled on the bathroom floor praying for an early death.
I wish I could speed up the time and get out of the first trimester to a time when I could actually enjoy my pregnancy. I'm really looking forward to that. But I'm also thinking, "Okay, this is the last time I'll ever be at [seven weeks, six weeks, etc.], so enjoy it." But I'm also enjoying the thought of the end of the road, too!
I'll write more coherent thoughts later, but I wanted to check in. Please continue to pray for me - that the nausea would be manageable and that it would pass quickly!
My big praise is that my insurance approved the Zofran - thank the Lord! I think it took the prayers of my entire church and assorted friends to accomplish that miracle. It is keeping me sane, though it doesn't take all the nausea away (bummer!).
I'm just trying to hold the line and keep going one day at a time. I still do not have HG, praise God, just miserable round-the-clock nausea. Thankfully, the Zofran seems to have taken care of the vomiting, which is a big relief. I'm grateful to have passed the seven-week mark, and I'm trying to stay with the present and be grateful for an easier road. After all, what I am now considering "miserable" was better known as "heavenly" last time - after all, I'm typing at a computer, right? Not huddled on the bathroom floor praying for an early death.
I wish I could speed up the time and get out of the first trimester to a time when I could actually enjoy my pregnancy. I'm really looking forward to that. But I'm also thinking, "Okay, this is the last time I'll ever be at [seven weeks, six weeks, etc.], so enjoy it." But I'm also enjoying the thought of the end of the road, too!
I'll write more coherent thoughts later, but I wanted to check in. Please continue to pray for me - that the nausea would be manageable and that it would pass quickly!
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
6 weeks, 5 days: Waiting for Insurance
Today is a day off from the insurance fight, thankfully! Right now I'm waiting for my OB to fax in her paperwork to the insurance company. Then we have to wait for their response. If they reject it, there's another appeals process to try. This won't be over anytime soon!
If it gets too difficult, I'm thinking of trying for Phenergan rather than Zofran. It's supposedly not quite as effective but easier to get. HG mums, any advice?
Right now I'm having reverse morning sickness. I wake up feeling fine (probably because I set my alarm for 5:30am to take a Zofran to combat early-morning nausea) and then progressively feel worse till bedtime, at which point I'm just looking forward to morning! I've been having a lot of trouble with nausea waking me up. Oh, and I am having some CRAZY dreams! I think that's typical of pregnancy. Last night it was an X-files type car chase through some crazy government warehouse, with houses burning down and mystery documents and all the fixings. Goodness!
So we're holding the line. No official HG yet (I think I'd be where I was last time but for the Bendectin and Zofran - thank goodness for them!), just bad morning sickness. Seven weeks will be a big milestone for me because at that point last time I was really, really sick - and miserable as it occasionally is over here, we're not at that point!!
I'll keep checking in! Keep those prayers coming!!
Oh, and I've really started utilizing the forums at www.hyperemesis.org - they are the BEST. If you haven't checked them out yet, definitely do!
If it gets too difficult, I'm thinking of trying for Phenergan rather than Zofran. It's supposedly not quite as effective but easier to get. HG mums, any advice?
Right now I'm having reverse morning sickness. I wake up feeling fine (probably because I set my alarm for 5:30am to take a Zofran to combat early-morning nausea) and then progressively feel worse till bedtime, at which point I'm just looking forward to morning! I've been having a lot of trouble with nausea waking me up. Oh, and I am having some CRAZY dreams! I think that's typical of pregnancy. Last night it was an X-files type car chase through some crazy government warehouse, with houses burning down and mystery documents and all the fixings. Goodness!
So we're holding the line. No official HG yet (I think I'd be where I was last time but for the Bendectin and Zofran - thank goodness for them!), just bad morning sickness. Seven weeks will be a big milestone for me because at that point last time I was really, really sick - and miserable as it occasionally is over here, we're not at that point!!
I'll keep checking in! Keep those prayers coming!!
Oh, and I've really started utilizing the forums at www.hyperemesis.org - they are the BEST. If you haven't checked them out yet, definitely do!
Monday, January 12, 2009
6 weeks, 4 days: Ultimate Frustration
Question: What has thousands of employees but no information, takes all of your money and gives you nothing in return, and can bring a normal, healthy woman to the brink of either tears or insanity by the time she gets off the phone with them?
Answer: Your friendly local insurance company, of course!
Which brings me to my.......
LESSON OF THE DAY: HG mothers, start your fight for drugs when you get pregnant - NOT when you need the drugs!!
This has been a frustrating morning. I have literally spent the past five hours on the phone with various people (drug companies, insurance, doctors, etc.) and don't really feel any further along, except in that some of my options have been closed.
I won't rehash the entire frustrating experience for you, but suffice it to say that it has been beyond frustrating. Kind of like running on a hamster wheel. Nobody knows anything, nobody can say anything, and everyone says, "I'll take a message for you," which means, of course, that your message will never get to anyone and your call will certainly not be returned.
Thankfully I have my small supply of Zofran to get me through the next week or so while we fight this battle. I pray it's over soon, because it is exhausting and mostly fruitless. But I am extremely angry with our insurance company and tired of trying to fight this battle which continually goes nowhere.
I wanted to mention one more thing - Some of you have been so good to phone or email me, and I've been terrible about getting back with people. Please have patience! Right now I'm dealing with round-the-clock nausea and am just too tired to be a good correspondent. I will eventually get back with everyone, but in the meantime, know that your notes and calls are much appreciated!!
Love to all,
Diana
Answer: Your friendly local insurance company, of course!
Which brings me to my.......
LESSON OF THE DAY: HG mothers, start your fight for drugs when you get pregnant - NOT when you need the drugs!!
This has been a frustrating morning. I have literally spent the past five hours on the phone with various people (drug companies, insurance, doctors, etc.) and don't really feel any further along, except in that some of my options have been closed.
I won't rehash the entire frustrating experience for you, but suffice it to say that it has been beyond frustrating. Kind of like running on a hamster wheel. Nobody knows anything, nobody can say anything, and everyone says, "I'll take a message for you," which means, of course, that your message will never get to anyone and your call will certainly not be returned.
Thankfully I have my small supply of Zofran to get me through the next week or so while we fight this battle. I pray it's over soon, because it is exhausting and mostly fruitless. But I am extremely angry with our insurance company and tired of trying to fight this battle which continually goes nowhere.
I wanted to mention one more thing - Some of you have been so good to phone or email me, and I've been terrible about getting back with people. Please have patience! Right now I'm dealing with round-the-clock nausea and am just too tired to be a good correspondent. I will eventually get back with everyone, but in the meantime, know that your notes and calls are much appreciated!!
Love to all,
Diana
Sunday, January 11, 2009
A Note to Rachel
Hi, Rachel! I can't respond to your note because blogger won't let me (for some reason), but I wanted to say congratulations on your positive pregnancy test! I will be praying for you and your new babe, with hopes that HG will not follow you into your second pregnancy. Thanks for your sweet note!
6 weeks, 3 days: Zofran ROCKS
After writing optimistically on Friday, things went quickly downhill. Except for a couple-hour break midday, I was spending most of my time being either incapacitatedly-nauseated (new word) or throwing up. SOOOO..... last night I capitulated and broke out my small store of Zofran that I had gotten from an OB a year and a half ago in case of future pregnancy, and took half a dose (I only have 20 pills, so rationing is the word of the day.) Wow!! Last night was still yucky, but completely manageable - what a change! And I took one this morning, and I feel quite well! Hurray!!
My OB forgot to send the prescription for Zofran in on Friday (when I went to pick it up yesterday they'd never heard of me) so we'll have to do that all over on Monday, but for now Zofran is really doing it for me. Pray God that the effect lasts and that I'm able to get enough of it from our insurance company to do the job! For now, though, I am an absolute and fanatic convert of the stuff. Bring it on!!
My OB forgot to send the prescription for Zofran in on Friday (when I went to pick it up yesterday they'd never heard of me) so we'll have to do that all over on Monday, but for now Zofran is really doing it for me. Pray God that the effect lasts and that I'm able to get enough of it from our insurance company to do the job! For now, though, I am an absolute and fanatic convert of the stuff. Bring it on!!
Friday, January 9, 2009
6 weeks, 1 day: Thanking the Lord for Instant Pudding
I'm serious. Whoever made that stuff should get an award. I haven't eaten it since I was pregnant last time, but it's the ultimate upset-tummy food. And easy to make! And MOST importantly, it DOESN'T SMELL!!! Woo hoo!!
I contacted Dr. Lemon-Ginger's office today and got the promised Zofran prescription called in, so now the ball is in the insurance company's court. Will they or won't they? We'll know by tomorrow.
I also canceled my ultrasound appointment. I had been looking forward to it, but considering (a) how yucky I feel in the mornings, and (b) the fact that one has to go through TORTURE to get it done (i.e. drinking 44 oz. of water and holding it for 2 hours), I figured it wasn't worth the trouble - especially since the original reason (cessation of pg symptoms) has obviously vanished!
And so, the big question..... Do I have HG? Most emphatically, no. Pray God it stays that way. Right now I'm uncomfortable most of the time and miserable mornings and nights, but I am not despondent, despairing or quasi-suicidal, all of which were the case last time. I think that I would be, barring the Bendectin, but the Bendectin is helping me hold the line - praise God for that! Hitting the six week mark has been a triumph, just because I remember that last time at six weeks I wanted to die. Literally. Now I'm at least semi-functional, hurray!
One thing that is harder now is that I have a roving mess-maker in the house whom I am no longer able to clean up after efficiently - and I refer to my toddler, not my husband. Last time I didn't clean for six months and it was fine - things just got dusty. Now it looks like a tornado hit! But thankfully DH is stepping up to the plate and we are making it through. It's just going to be messy for a while. Another huge blessing is that my mom, who is in town helping us get our house ready, has agreed to step back from the house stuff and let my dad and DH handle that while she focuses a bit more on helping with DS and things over here. Praise God for that arrangement!
As I mentioned earlier, this is the end of the road reproductively for me. I know I said that with DS, but I am serious this time. I can't do this again. Not only would I risk HG again with another pregnancy (and the risk is not over with this one - far from it), but I am sick-sick-sick of living in fear. I'm tired of never being able to make long-term plans ("Well, I'd love to give her a baby shower/help with a wedding/join a committee/plan a visit, but I'd better not volunteer for it because if I got pregnant, I'd have to back out"). I'm tired of having to watch my diet and take supplements for the "what ifs" (to prepare in advance for pregnancy). And I am SICK and tired of living the last half of my cycle in breath-stopping fear. So I'm going to find out from my midwife what our options are, and do that as soon as is humanly possible after the birth. I'm sorry to end my reproductive life so young, but it is simply not worth living in the fear.
Speaking of my midwife, I spoke to her yesterday, and her comment on the possibility of finding a supportive OB outside of the two she knows was, I believe, something along the lines of "Good luck!" along with a muffled snort of laughter. Sad, isn't it? American doctors are taught ACOG's party line of midwife-hatred waaaayyyy too well.
Well, I'd better go! Love to all!
Oh, and if you missed it, check out the entry below on the ongoing HG research project! HG mums, listen up!
I contacted Dr. Lemon-Ginger's office today and got the promised Zofran prescription called in, so now the ball is in the insurance company's court. Will they or won't they? We'll know by tomorrow.
I also canceled my ultrasound appointment. I had been looking forward to it, but considering (a) how yucky I feel in the mornings, and (b) the fact that one has to go through TORTURE to get it done (i.e. drinking 44 oz. of water and holding it for 2 hours), I figured it wasn't worth the trouble - especially since the original reason (cessation of pg symptoms) has obviously vanished!
And so, the big question..... Do I have HG? Most emphatically, no. Pray God it stays that way. Right now I'm uncomfortable most of the time and miserable mornings and nights, but I am not despondent, despairing or quasi-suicidal, all of which were the case last time. I think that I would be, barring the Bendectin, but the Bendectin is helping me hold the line - praise God for that! Hitting the six week mark has been a triumph, just because I remember that last time at six weeks I wanted to die. Literally. Now I'm at least semi-functional, hurray!
One thing that is harder now is that I have a roving mess-maker in the house whom I am no longer able to clean up after efficiently - and I refer to my toddler, not my husband. Last time I didn't clean for six months and it was fine - things just got dusty. Now it looks like a tornado hit! But thankfully DH is stepping up to the plate and we are making it through. It's just going to be messy for a while. Another huge blessing is that my mom, who is in town helping us get our house ready, has agreed to step back from the house stuff and let my dad and DH handle that while she focuses a bit more on helping with DS and things over here. Praise God for that arrangement!
As I mentioned earlier, this is the end of the road reproductively for me. I know I said that with DS, but I am serious this time. I can't do this again. Not only would I risk HG again with another pregnancy (and the risk is not over with this one - far from it), but I am sick-sick-sick of living in fear. I'm tired of never being able to make long-term plans ("Well, I'd love to give her a baby shower/help with a wedding/join a committee/plan a visit, but I'd better not volunteer for it because if I got pregnant, I'd have to back out"). I'm tired of having to watch my diet and take supplements for the "what ifs" (to prepare in advance for pregnancy). And I am SICK and tired of living the last half of my cycle in breath-stopping fear. So I'm going to find out from my midwife what our options are, and do that as soon as is humanly possible after the birth. I'm sorry to end my reproductive life so young, but it is simply not worth living in the fear.
Speaking of my midwife, I spoke to her yesterday, and her comment on the possibility of finding a supportive OB outside of the two she knows was, I believe, something along the lines of "Good luck!" along with a muffled snort of laughter. Sad, isn't it? American doctors are taught ACOG's party line of midwife-hatred waaaayyyy too well.
Well, I'd better go! Love to all!
Oh, and if you missed it, check out the entry below on the ongoing HG research project! HG mums, listen up!
HER Foundation and University of Southern California Collaboration - HG Study
I've just put a permanent link about this on my sidebar, but I wanted to add an entry as well. The HER Foundation (HyperEmesis Research) and USC (University of Southern California) are teaming up to do an HG research project to study the links between genetics and HG. If you have ever had HG, you can do future HG-mums a big favor by participating! It is super-simple. Just follow the links to get in touch with the researchers and learn more about the study. This is not effort-intensive and is very user-friendly. Please try to get involved!!
The researchers are also looking for mothers who have not had HG to serve as controls. So regardless of whether or not you've had HG, if you've had a baby you're eligible to help with this study!
The researchers are also looking for mothers who have not had HG to serve as controls. So regardless of whether or not you've had HG, if you've had a baby you're eligible to help with this study!
Thursday, January 8, 2009
6 weeks, 0 days: Ruffling Feathers
Congratulate me, everyone! I've just been kicked out of an OB's office. I feel deliciously wicked.
But also disappointed.
Anyhow, here's how it happened: Yesterday I posted on mamasource.com to find OB's who were experienced in treating HG. One woman wrote and said that she had had HG and that her practice ("practice X") had been just great in treating her. So I called them up yesterday and spent about half an hour on the phone getting my situation approved to work with their practice. (Note: The difficult thing about my situation is that since I have a prenatal care provider, my midwife, I don't need prenatal care - just help with HG. Unfortunately, a lot of OB's just won't take you as a client unless you're also there for prenatal care.) After the receptionist had spoken with a supervisor, gotten my situation approved, and put a note about it on my chart, we set up an appointment for today.
Fast forward to today: I go in, things go swimmingly. Despite the usual indignities of OB care that I hate (having someone else do your urine test, for example - midwives have their clients do their own), I really liked them and I LOVED the OB. She didn't pull any punches. No "ginger and lemon." It was just straight down the line. "Okay, you're on Unisom, let's put you on Zofran as well (yes!!!), and if things get worse we'll set you up with a home healthcare nurse." Hurray!!!! But then disaster struck. She started talking prenatal labs, etc., so I had to interject: "You do know I'm not here for prenatal care, right? Just help with HG?" Then it all fell apart. She was really nice, but she said she couldn't work with me. She's going to check with people to make sure, so I'll find out for sure later, but for now it's over. Sarah, I know you warned me about this, but I just didn't want to go through all the prenatal tests and hide the fact that I have a midwife. If it keeps up like this, though, I may have to.
So.... Now what? Well, I've got two choices. I can go back to Dr. Ginger & Lemons, or I can try another doctor. Right now I'm too tired to decide. I'll try to talk to my midwife later today and see what she thinks. I would LOVE it if this practice would change their minds, because they are just what I need. However, it probably won't happen.
Lesson for the day: Do NOT take fish oil when you will be throwing up soon. Just DON'T.
Until later.....
But also disappointed.
Anyhow, here's how it happened: Yesterday I posted on mamasource.com to find OB's who were experienced in treating HG. One woman wrote and said that she had had HG and that her practice ("practice X") had been just great in treating her. So I called them up yesterday and spent about half an hour on the phone getting my situation approved to work with their practice. (Note: The difficult thing about my situation is that since I have a prenatal care provider, my midwife, I don't need prenatal care - just help with HG. Unfortunately, a lot of OB's just won't take you as a client unless you're also there for prenatal care.) After the receptionist had spoken with a supervisor, gotten my situation approved, and put a note about it on my chart, we set up an appointment for today.
Fast forward to today: I go in, things go swimmingly. Despite the usual indignities of OB care that I hate (having someone else do your urine test, for example - midwives have their clients do their own), I really liked them and I LOVED the OB. She didn't pull any punches. No "ginger and lemon." It was just straight down the line. "Okay, you're on Unisom, let's put you on Zofran as well (yes!!!), and if things get worse we'll set you up with a home healthcare nurse." Hurray!!!! But then disaster struck. She started talking prenatal labs, etc., so I had to interject: "You do know I'm not here for prenatal care, right? Just help with HG?" Then it all fell apart. She was really nice, but she said she couldn't work with me. She's going to check with people to make sure, so I'll find out for sure later, but for now it's over. Sarah, I know you warned me about this, but I just didn't want to go through all the prenatal tests and hide the fact that I have a midwife. If it keeps up like this, though, I may have to.
So.... Now what? Well, I've got two choices. I can go back to Dr. Ginger & Lemons, or I can try another doctor. Right now I'm too tired to decide. I'll try to talk to my midwife later today and see what she thinks. I would LOVE it if this practice would change their minds, because they are just what I need. However, it probably won't happen.
Lesson for the day: Do NOT take fish oil when you will be throwing up soon. Just DON'T.
Until later.....
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
5 weeks, 6 days: The Whining Puker Returns
Here I am again! I thought I'd update quickly in between runs to the bathroom. The Whining Puker is officially back in business.
After that weird 2 1/2 day hiatus of nausea, it returned full-force Monday afternoon. I started throwing up last night and am continuing the trend today. :)
My first move, other than to make a firm and final decision that this is my LAST PREGNANCY NO MATTER WHAT, was to decide to change OB's. Enough with the lemon and ginger, for crying out loud. So I've been on the phone this morning looking for possibilities, and I have an appointment for tomorrow morning. Whether it'll pan out or not is anyone's guess. I feel nervous because I am venturing outside of the world of midwife-friendly OB's, and I know that some of them can get quite vitriolic when they want to. Hopefully this one won't.
I'll check in after that appointment! Love to all!
Diana
After that weird 2 1/2 day hiatus of nausea, it returned full-force Monday afternoon. I started throwing up last night and am continuing the trend today. :)
My first move, other than to make a firm and final decision that this is my LAST PREGNANCY NO MATTER WHAT, was to decide to change OB's. Enough with the lemon and ginger, for crying out loud. So I've been on the phone this morning looking for possibilities, and I have an appointment for tomorrow morning. Whether it'll pan out or not is anyone's guess. I feel nervous because I am venturing outside of the world of midwife-friendly OB's, and I know that some of them can get quite vitriolic when they want to. Hopefully this one won't.
I'll check in after that appointment! Love to all!
Diana
Monday, January 5, 2009
5 weeks, 4 days: Still waiting
And the journey continues!Nothing either way yet. I have an appointment for an ultrasound on Friday, so hopefully our questions will be answered then. Till then, it's just more waiting!
Things are definitely weird right now. I'm not really counting myself as "pregnant" anymore, or telling people about it, and I've pretty much canceled my due date in my mind. If it turns out that everything is fine after all, I'll have to get used to the whole thing all over again!
DH, as usual, is playing the complete optimist - something that I always find fault with in stressful situations. I'm the hard-headed realist; he is the unthinking optimist. So he just says, "I'm sure everything's fine!" and doesn't think another thing about it, while I'm wondering and talking and obsessing and exploring twenty different end-scenarios. He'd rather talk about his new motorcycle. Isn't that always the case?
I did think of one slight possibility which is so ridiculous that I'm not seriously entertaining it, but I thought I'd better mention it. On Friday I started taking an herbal preparation (tinctures and essential oils) called "Morning Sickness Balm." It was supposed to have effects within 24 hours. If it is a miraculous cure-all for nausea, then it might have been the reason I stopped needing nausea drugs on Saturday. Might be. But I doubt it. And the evidence is still stacked for a blighted ovum pregnancy. But it's a possibility! As I said, Friday should tell us all.
I'll check back in over the week and let you all know how things are going! I appreciate your kind thoughts and words and prayers - I need them all!
Love to all,
Diana
Things are definitely weird right now. I'm not really counting myself as "pregnant" anymore, or telling people about it, and I've pretty much canceled my due date in my mind. If it turns out that everything is fine after all, I'll have to get used to the whole thing all over again!
DH, as usual, is playing the complete optimist - something that I always find fault with in stressful situations. I'm the hard-headed realist; he is the unthinking optimist. So he just says, "I'm sure everything's fine!" and doesn't think another thing about it, while I'm wondering and talking and obsessing and exploring twenty different end-scenarios. He'd rather talk about his new motorcycle. Isn't that always the case?
I did think of one slight possibility which is so ridiculous that I'm not seriously entertaining it, but I thought I'd better mention it. On Friday I started taking an herbal preparation (tinctures and essential oils) called "Morning Sickness Balm." It was supposed to have effects within 24 hours. If it is a miraculous cure-all for nausea, then it might have been the reason I stopped needing nausea drugs on Saturday. Might be. But I doubt it. And the evidence is still stacked for a blighted ovum pregnancy. But it's a possibility! As I said, Friday should tell us all.
I'll check back in over the week and let you all know how things are going! I appreciate your kind thoughts and words and prayers - I need them all!
Love to all,
Diana
Sunday, January 4, 2009
5 weeks, 3 days: Waiting
There's no other way to describe it: This weekend has been weird.
So here's how yesterday went:
I took a nap in the afternoon, and while sleeping I dreamed that I miscarried. Woke up in a panic, realized it had been a dream - "Phew, it was only a dream, I'm still pregnant." Then I realized, with a shock, that I had forgotten to take my midday nausea medication - and I was just fine. No problems. And I didn't need it in the evening, and I didn't take it before bed either. Didn't need to. Nausea was mild to absent.
All of you women out there know that cessation of pregnancy symptoms is NOT a good thing. It can occasionally be normal, but it is also a really good sign of an impending miscarriage. Yesterday I think I ran through the entire spectrum of the grief process, and by the time I went to bed I had basically said my goodbyes, expecting to wake up bleeding in the morning (sorry to be so graphic). This morning? Nothing either way. But no appreciable nausea either.
I also realized last night, when madly Googling "miscarriage symptoms," that aside from mild to moderate nausea and some mild heartburn, I haven't had any other pregnancy symptoms. Nothing. It's just been nausea. That also is not a good sign.
I guess I should interject some of my obstetrical history here.. Before we had our DS, I had one miscarriage that was a blighted ovum miscarriage - a pregnancy in which the baby dies very early but the "pregnancy" (i.e. sac development, lack of menses, etc.) continues for some days or weeks past the baby's death. In such cases, pregnancy symptoms are muted or absent. The only symptom I had was mild nausea.
Thus, I am really wondering if this baby is another blighted ovum baby. It would make sense - no other pregnancy symptoms, nausea that's only mild, etc. In that case, the only thing we can do is wait for the miscarriage.
I have found that one can look for an ultrasound heartbeat at 6 1/2 weeks. If we're still "here" in a week, I think I'll do that - waiting stinks!! Normally I am NOT a fan of ultrasound (didn't have any with DS and wasn't planning to with this baby), but I'd compromise to know the truth. I'd have a lot more peace knowing that there was either (a) a baby who's fine, or (b) an impending miscarriage. I'd rather know a negative truth than be forever vacillating between hopefulness and resignation.
Right now I'm in an odd state emotionally. In a lot of ways I feel like I've already released the baby to God, but I'm still hoping fervently that she'll be allowed to stay here. I guess only time will tell. But it was definitely weird at church this morning, because people are coming up asking my due date and congratulating me, and I feel like I am kind of past that stage - it feels weird to be cheerfully saying "September!" when I am seriously expecting a miscarriage at any moment. But I don't want to go around telling people that either - it would be rather morbid.
So I would appreciate your prayers! I'll keep you all updated. I am thankful that there is little to no nausea, and I only pray that I'm having the fluffy pregnancy I have dreamed of. We should know one way or another within a week or so.
So here's how yesterday went:
I took a nap in the afternoon, and while sleeping I dreamed that I miscarried. Woke up in a panic, realized it had been a dream - "Phew, it was only a dream, I'm still pregnant." Then I realized, with a shock, that I had forgotten to take my midday nausea medication - and I was just fine. No problems. And I didn't need it in the evening, and I didn't take it before bed either. Didn't need to. Nausea was mild to absent.
All of you women out there know that cessation of pregnancy symptoms is NOT a good thing. It can occasionally be normal, but it is also a really good sign of an impending miscarriage. Yesterday I think I ran through the entire spectrum of the grief process, and by the time I went to bed I had basically said my goodbyes, expecting to wake up bleeding in the morning (sorry to be so graphic). This morning? Nothing either way. But no appreciable nausea either.
I also realized last night, when madly Googling "miscarriage symptoms," that aside from mild to moderate nausea and some mild heartburn, I haven't had any other pregnancy symptoms. Nothing. It's just been nausea. That also is not a good sign.
I guess I should interject some of my obstetrical history here.. Before we had our DS, I had one miscarriage that was a blighted ovum miscarriage - a pregnancy in which the baby dies very early but the "pregnancy" (i.e. sac development, lack of menses, etc.) continues for some days or weeks past the baby's death. In such cases, pregnancy symptoms are muted or absent. The only symptom I had was mild nausea.
Thus, I am really wondering if this baby is another blighted ovum baby. It would make sense - no other pregnancy symptoms, nausea that's only mild, etc. In that case, the only thing we can do is wait for the miscarriage.
I have found that one can look for an ultrasound heartbeat at 6 1/2 weeks. If we're still "here" in a week, I think I'll do that - waiting stinks!! Normally I am NOT a fan of ultrasound (didn't have any with DS and wasn't planning to with this baby), but I'd compromise to know the truth. I'd have a lot more peace knowing that there was either (a) a baby who's fine, or (b) an impending miscarriage. I'd rather know a negative truth than be forever vacillating between hopefulness and resignation.
Right now I'm in an odd state emotionally. In a lot of ways I feel like I've already released the baby to God, but I'm still hoping fervently that she'll be allowed to stay here. I guess only time will tell. But it was definitely weird at church this morning, because people are coming up asking my due date and congratulating me, and I feel like I am kind of past that stage - it feels weird to be cheerfully saying "September!" when I am seriously expecting a miscarriage at any moment. But I don't want to go around telling people that either - it would be rather morbid.
So I would appreciate your prayers! I'll keep you all updated. I am thankful that there is little to no nausea, and I only pray that I'm having the fluffy pregnancy I have dreamed of. We should know one way or another within a week or so.
Friday, January 2, 2009
5 weeks, 1 day: Is It Too Early for Optimism?
As we begin the fifth week (or really, I suppose, the sixth week), things are doing just fine. Nausea remains constant at several minor/moderate periods per day, with nothing worse. It seems to get a bit worse each day, but still nothing to worry about.
I find myself alternating between periods of hopefulness and periods of beating myself over the head for being optimistic before it's justifiable. Five weeks is really when nausea is supposed to start, not when it peaks or finishes. So I've got a long time ahead of me before I can be hopeful. My guess is that the next two weeks will be really important in predicting the future of this pregnancy.
Also, I have no guarantee that this is not another blighted ovum pregnancy (a type of pregnancy doomed to early miscarriage in which pregnancy symptoms are muted or absent). I've had a bit too much nausea to seriously consider this possibility, but it's always possible.
If this pregnancy does end up being less of a catastrophe than the last, the truth is that I'll never know the reason behind it. It could be that it was just a naturally easier pregnancy, or it could be that the supplements helped. As I don't have an identical twin pregnant at exactly the same time with exactly the same child who is NOT taking the supplements I am, I don't have a control factor!
Other than mild nausea, I've got heartburn (a first for me!) and lots of fatigue, but I think the fatigue is at least 50% Unisom! They say the drowsiness wears off after a couple of weeks, so that'll be nice (*yawn*).
So I just wanted to say that all is well for now. Let's pray that it stays that way! My biggest goal for this pregnancy and this blog is one big, fat anti-climax. The final chapter could read like this: "And it proved in the end that she had fussed for nothing; her next and all subsequent pregnancies were nausea-free, and the blog closed for complete lack of reader interest." I would much rather not have the next world-famous HG blog!!
Love to all,
Diana
I find myself alternating between periods of hopefulness and periods of beating myself over the head for being optimistic before it's justifiable. Five weeks is really when nausea is supposed to start, not when it peaks or finishes. So I've got a long time ahead of me before I can be hopeful. My guess is that the next two weeks will be really important in predicting the future of this pregnancy.
Also, I have no guarantee that this is not another blighted ovum pregnancy (a type of pregnancy doomed to early miscarriage in which pregnancy symptoms are muted or absent). I've had a bit too much nausea to seriously consider this possibility, but it's always possible.
If this pregnancy does end up being less of a catastrophe than the last, the truth is that I'll never know the reason behind it. It could be that it was just a naturally easier pregnancy, or it could be that the supplements helped. As I don't have an identical twin pregnant at exactly the same time with exactly the same child who is NOT taking the supplements I am, I don't have a control factor!
Other than mild nausea, I've got heartburn (a first for me!) and lots of fatigue, but I think the fatigue is at least 50% Unisom! They say the drowsiness wears off after a couple of weeks, so that'll be nice (*yawn*).
So I just wanted to say that all is well for now. Let's pray that it stays that way! My biggest goal for this pregnancy and this blog is one big, fat anti-climax. The final chapter could read like this: "And it proved in the end that she had fussed for nothing; her next and all subsequent pregnancies were nausea-free, and the blog closed for complete lack of reader interest." I would much rather not have the next world-famous HG blog!!
Love to all,
Diana
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)