These People Crack Me Up

Random conversations around our house:
(These are recorded purely for the purpose of humor, so please, no indignant rejoinders.)

Meanwhile, (overheard) back at the ranch...

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"Stop dying, or I won't kill you!"

- The 8yo, displeased with the 3yo's premature fall-down-and-die performance during a battle scene

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A month or two back, I told the 3yo that I was going to throw him into a pit seething with rabid crocodiles (i.e. put him to bed). One time was enough to create an implacable routine. Now I do not dare put the 3yo to bed without going through the whole crocodile routine, complete with the grande finale of the 3yo being eaten alive (i.e. tickled). Should I forget it, the whole household hears about it.

"Cwocodile! Cwocodile! Me want cwocodile!"


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Myself, after a particularly difficult day a few weeks ago:

Husband: I'm going to the kitchen. Can I get you anything?
Me: Yes. A vacation.
Husband: Sorry, but it's your doom to stay here and be a slave to your family forever.
Me: Well, pioneer women used to die young. Maybe I can hope for that.

To say that I was in a pessimistic mood may be a bit of an understatement. 


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The 8yo sighs wearily and says, "You know, I work harder around here than anyone. I hope you'll never know how hard I have to work."

Remind me to quote this to him in another twenty-or-so years. I suspect that we'll have a good chuckle over that one.

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"When I grow up, I'm not going to get married and have children. If you have children, you have to do a lot of dishes. I'm just going to live comfortably in a hole in the ground."

- The 8yo, who may or may not have been reading a lot of Tolkien recently


"Me dwagon."

- The 3yo, whom the 8yo has taught about Tolkien, in explanation of why he is going around spitting (i.e. breathing fire) on everything


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My husband and I, while I worked through my angst about history curriculum:

Me: I just can't figure out whether to use textbooks or unit studies!
Husband: Well, why don't you just keep doing unit studies for another year while you think about it?
Me: No, please, not more unit studies!
Husband: Um, I think you might have your answer.


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A few weeks back, a sweet and well-meaning friend laid a concerned hand on my arm and said, "You know, you're looking really, really awful. Are you feeling okay?"

I had been feeling fine. But now, suddenly, I felt overwhelmed. Overworked. Exhausted. Depressed. Likely to die of a mysterious illness in the immediate future.

I moped around the house for an hour or so, before finally going to my husband and asking, "Do I really look that bad?"

He rolled his eyes and said, "You look just fine."

Immediately I cheered up and went about my day.


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The 8yo: Mommy, if we'd lived during the Civil War, which side would we have been on?
Me: Well, which side would you prefer?
The 8yo: Well, which side won? That's the side I want to fight on.

The moral compass is obviously finely tuned in this child.


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And finally:

"She's a Christian, but she wears glasses."

- An acquaintance's child, regarding a new playmate at school

Gotta watch out for that kind, for sure.

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Have a great day, everyone!