Today I had something I haven't had in so, so very long - free time during the day!! (I suppose I could call nap time free time, but when the kids are napping, I nap too - there, I admitted it! - and it is also so unpredictable as to when each child will wake up, that I don't count on it being productive.) It was kind of weird - in a wonderful, wonderful way.
I dropped DS off at preschool this morning at 9 a.m. He maintained his "I don't wanna" attitude, though nothing major, to the very end. When I left his classroom, he was a wee bit teary, but they were dealing with it well. When I picked him up, he had his usual statements - yes, he had fun, but no, he doesn't want to go back. We'll see!
(We'll also have to see if they KEEP him in the program - they are very clear that they are a run-of-the-mill preschool with no facilities for dealing with any extra issues - so hopefully his tears and his I-hate-group-activities attitude will subside. Can't say I'm not nervous about this.)
In the meantime, after getting baby down for his nap, I had - get this! - 1h and 15 minutes of FREE TIME. During the day. Free time. It was beyond wonderful.
Thus, half of me was saying, "Am I doing the right thing? Should I really be leaving him at preschool?" and the other half of me was saying, "Praise the Lord, I'm finally by myself for more than two minutes together." I think the latter sentiment dominated. About ten times over.
During that 75 minutes, I baked brownies, made rice, prepared our dinner, answered email, wrote a blog post, finished the laundry, made a phone call, and cleaned the kitchen. The stress of that to-do list erased a bit of the pleasure of the free time, but it was lovely to be able to GET SOMETHING DONE in an uninterrupted fashion. Mmm.
As I said, these next few months are a test. If we see positive results and are confirmed that what we are doing is the right path, we'll continue with our plan - 2 years of preschool, then a 1-year delayed start into a Christian school/homeschool hybrid. If we see bad results, we'll regretfully reconsider homeschooling.
I really don't understand myself. I have planned on homeschooling for years, but I find the way barricaded by a distinct antipathy to it. I love homeschooling families (that's why we decided on it initially!); but I simply cannot force myself into being interested in it. I simply have no interest in it at all. A lot of guilt, but no interest. So hopefully this is the right path for us, because I think insanity would be right around the corner for me as a homeschooling mother.
I plan to write a post entirely about education soon, in order to write down my thoughts on the whole issue. But in the meantime.... having a few minutes to myself was a breath of sanity. It was wonderful. And hopefully DS will start enjoying his little preschool too!