Monday, March 25, 2013

The Gross, the Violent, and the Really, Really Painful: Moments of Parenting Reality

I've already written about the diaper that changed the world - a moment of parenting reality that took three loads of laundry, an entire morning, and a half-hour seance with the garden hose to deal with. In that same vein, I am pleased to introduce another entry in the ongoing "Grossest Parenting Moments" contest!

{Please skip the first part if you are currently nauseated!}

This occurrence dates to a few months back, to yet another Sunday morning at church, when both my husband and I were each holding a baby (our usual modus operandi).

During the singing, I looked over at my husband and realized several things at once. Firstly, that the baby he was holding needed a new diaper. Secondly, that said diaper was not just "wet." Thirdly, that the baby in question had stuck his hand down his diaper... and was now blissfully rubbing the contents of that diaper into DH's beard while DH, completely unaware, was focused on the singing.

A few frenzied pokes to the side made him aware him of the situation, and we immediately and hurriedly evacuated the premises for a very long family clean-up time in the bathroom.

Ah, parenting. It's those Kodak moments that really get you.

Though, in reality, this reality moment was much less gross than the other! And far easier to clean up.

Moving on to our next cameo...

This past week, I was busy working when I turned around and, to my horror, saw our toddler eagerly putting himself into a situation of serious danger. Ack!

The next few moments are a blur in my memory, because they happened so quickly. However, I have a vague memory of throwing down what I was doing and leaping across the room, knocking said toddler to the floor (and thankfully out of danger).

In the process of flinging myself thus, however, I took the full impact of the fall (which happened on our tile floor) on both knees. How I landed on my knees I'm not sure, but the result was, of course, sudden and excruciating pain. I found myself sitting on the floor, rocking back and forth and wishing vaguely that my birth doula could be there to talk me through the waves of pain.

If you had wandered into our house at that time, you would have seen a very puzzling sight - me sitting on the floor, rocking back and forth while holding a crying toddler, listening to the sound of our dinner burning on the stove (and unable to do anything about it).

We stayed on the floor for about half an hour, until I could finally get up, but my knees still hurt! Furthermore, one in particular has burst out in the most amazing bruising that you've ever seen in your life. I'd post pictures, but I'm opposed to posting pictures that gross on the internet, LOL!!

And there you have it. Parenting, the real story. Before we become parents we dream of cuddling with affectionate babies, cooing lullabies to infants, reading classic books to wide-eyed grade-schoolers. Yes, there's that... but the real story of parenting also includes beards rubbed with unmentionable substances and time on the floor dealing with excruciating pain. That's life for ya.

Anyone else have some of the down-and-dirty moments of parenting to share?

Yes, this is the guilty culprit (one of them, at least). 

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