Intertwining Themes

I have come to realize lately that I really ought to have two blogs - one for hyperemesis and one for homebirth midwifery and birth issues. It would be okay to mix themes if this were a personal blog, i.e. a record of my life and daily doings, but since it is definitely a themed-blog, all of the midwifery material is a little bit out of place. However, the fact remains that I simply do not have time for two blogs!! And they're both pregnancy related, so perhaps I can use that excuse to mix the themes.

This past period of time (since Caleb's birth) has been an important time in my life because it has revealed what is I believe my life passion - homebirth midwifery and other birth issues (promoting natural childbirth, women's rights in childbirth, childbirth education, etc.). It's odd that I had to wait until I was 25 or so to find that out - it could have saved me a lot of time and money pursuing a Bachelor's in biology and a certification in patisserie, both of which turned out to be more along the lines of hobbies rather than life-callings. But I really didn't figure it out until my baby was born. And frankly, I know it's true love because I had a miserable pregnancy, and childbirth wasn't a ton of fun either - but I'm now fascinated with them! I have been on a continual reading spree ever since Caleb turned about six months old, and my fascination just continues to grow.

Side note: I've learned how one can tell a true life passion from a hobby (at least for me) - it's when one can read a magazine devoted solely to the subject and be fascinated by it. I had always wondered why I could have hobbies (organ music, environmentalism, birds, outdoors, cooking, etc.) but be bored silly by publications relating to them. But I can read "Midwifery Today" until I'm blue in the face and be utterly enthralled!

The main problem I am facing right now is simply not knowing what to do with my fascination. I simply don't have any real sense of a direction in which I want to move. The main options open are midwife, doula, and childbirth educator. For the moment I have decided that I am not going to pursue being a midwife, much as I really regret it. I just don't think that I was cut out to be a midwife. Here are the reasons:

(1) I am extraordinarily squeamish around needles and scalpels
(2) I am an uptight super-scheduler type of person (I plan my weeks down to the hour)
(3) I have very weak people skills, and I am especially uncomfortable in any type of counseling situation
(4) I absolutely hate being in charge. I love being a helper, but not the person in charge
(5) I can obsess morbidly for months about receiving disapproval of any kind - and midwives have to be inured against disapproval, since they get it constantly
(6) I have had life-long issues with constant fatigue - not something that is compatible with an on-the-go 24/7 type of career which is one of the most demanding professions in the world.
(7) There's a certain lack of time mixed into all this! As a very happy SAHM I am not looking for a career - just a side-line or a hobby. Midwifery is a career - one of the most demanding careers there is! That's why it has traditionally been reserved for older women.

To me, that's a pretty water-tight case!

So that leaves doula work and childbirth education, both of which I think are possibilities. There are also side-callings, such as lactation consultation, selling birth & baby supplies (slings, etc.), but I don't want to get too peripheral - I really am interested in birth, not just being on the sidelines.

So right now I am really praying for wisdom on this issue. For the moment I am content to just attend birth circle meetings, read voraciously, and back my poor midwife into a corner with continual questions whenever I see her (sorry, Wendi!), but I do want eventually to have a goal and a purpose, and not just be a groupie. There are doula and CBE certification classes probably coming up this fall, so I may try one of those.

What I really need, I guess, is for someone to come up to me and say, "Gosh, I think you'd be a great [fill in the blank]," at which point I would say, "Gee, I never thought of that! I would like to be a [fill in the blank]." Well, I can only dream!

Well, enough wasted time for now! Love to all!!