5 weeks, 3 days: Waiting

There's no other way to describe it: This weekend has been weird.

So here's how yesterday went:

I took a nap in the afternoon, and while sleeping I dreamed that I miscarried. Woke up in a panic, realized it had been a dream - "Phew, it was only a dream, I'm still pregnant." Then I realized, with a shock, that I had forgotten to take my midday nausea medication - and I was just fine. No problems. And I didn't need it in the evening, and I didn't take it before bed either. Didn't need to. Nausea was mild to absent.

All of you women out there know that cessation of pregnancy symptoms is NOT a good thing. It can occasionally be normal, but it is also a really good sign of an impending miscarriage. Yesterday I think I ran through the entire spectrum of the grief process, and by the time I went to bed I had basically said my goodbyes, expecting to wake up bleeding in the morning (sorry to be so graphic). This morning? Nothing either way. But no appreciable nausea either.

I also realized last night, when madly Googling "miscarriage symptoms," that aside from mild to moderate nausea and some mild heartburn, I haven't had any other pregnancy symptoms. Nothing. It's just been nausea. That also is not a good sign.

I guess I should interject some of my obstetrical history here.. Before we had our DS, I had one miscarriage that was a blighted ovum miscarriage - a pregnancy in which the baby dies very early but the "pregnancy" (i.e. sac development, lack of menses, etc.) continues for some days or weeks past the baby's death. In such cases, pregnancy symptoms are muted or absent. The only symptom I had was mild nausea.

Thus, I am really wondering if this baby is another blighted ovum baby. It would make sense - no other pregnancy symptoms, nausea that's only mild, etc. In that case, the only thing we can do is wait for the miscarriage.

I have found that one can look for an ultrasound heartbeat at 6 1/2 weeks. If we're still "here" in a week, I think I'll do that - waiting stinks!! Normally I am NOT a fan of ultrasound (didn't have any with DS and wasn't planning to with this baby), but I'd compromise to know the truth. I'd have a lot more peace knowing that there was either (a) a baby who's fine, or (b) an impending miscarriage. I'd rather know a negative truth than be forever vacillating between hopefulness and resignation.

Right now I'm in an odd state emotionally. In a lot of ways I feel like I've already released the baby to God, but I'm still hoping fervently that she'll be allowed to stay here. I guess only time will tell. But it was definitely weird at church this morning, because people are coming up asking my due date and congratulating me, and I feel like I am kind of past that stage - it feels weird to be cheerfully saying "September!" when I am seriously expecting a miscarriage at any moment. But I don't want to go around telling people that either - it would be rather morbid.

So I would appreciate your prayers! I'll keep you all updated. I am thankful that there is little to no nausea, and I only pray that I'm having the fluffy pregnancy I have dreamed of. We should know one way or another within a week or so.

5 weeks, 1 day: Is It Too Early for Optimism?

As we begin the fifth week (or really, I suppose, the sixth week), things are doing just fine. Nausea remains constant at several minor/moderate periods per day, with nothing worse. It seems to get a bit worse each day, but still nothing to worry about.

I find myself alternating between periods of hopefulness and periods of beating myself over the head for being optimistic before it's justifiable. Five weeks is really when nausea is supposed to start, not when it peaks or finishes. So I've got a long time ahead of me before I can be hopeful. My guess is that the next two weeks will be really important in predicting the future of this pregnancy.

Also, I have no guarantee that this is not another blighted ovum pregnancy (a type of pregnancy doomed to early miscarriage in which pregnancy symptoms are muted or absent). I've had a bit too much nausea to seriously consider this possibility, but it's always possible.

If this pregnancy does end up being less of a catastrophe than the last, the truth is that I'll never know the reason behind it. It could be that it was just a naturally easier pregnancy, or it could be that the supplements helped. As I don't have an identical twin pregnant at exactly the same time with exactly the same child who is NOT taking the supplements I am, I don't have a control factor!

Other than mild nausea, I've got heartburn (a first for me!) and lots of fatigue, but I think the fatigue is at least 50% Unisom! They say the drowsiness wears off after a couple of weeks, so that'll be nice (*yawn*).

So I just wanted to say that all is well for now. Let's pray that it stays that way! My biggest goal for this pregnancy and this blog is one big, fat anti-climax. The final chapter could read like this: "And it proved in the end that she had fussed for nothing; her next and all subsequent pregnancies were nausea-free, and the blog closed for complete lack of reader interest." I would much rather not have the next world-famous HG blog!!

Love to all,
Diana

4 weeks, 6 days: Holding the Line

So far, so good. I have a couple (usually 2-3) periods a day when for an hour or so I think, "Uh oh, I don't feel so well," but otherwise I am doing fine. Unfortunately, it's just too stinking early to be encouraged by that - I was just the same last time.

The amount of supplements I am taking right now is enough to make someone sick without the HG! Let's see: Supplements = multi-vitamin, acidophilus, AbsorbAid, calcium, magnesium, B6, Unisom, vitamin C. Herbs = ginger syrup, ginger capsules (lots!!), tincture of wild yam, tincture of dandelion, peppermint tea, decoction of wild yam, peach leaf tea, milk thistle. Homeopathics = Sepia 30C. If that doesn't do it, nothing will, LOL!!

I saw my OB's PA yesterday (getting in to see the OB is a 3-month wait, so I gave that up as impossible). I actually do like her - I think we're just too much alike to really hit it off automatically. We're both a bit on the reserved side. I hope I've made a wise choice, as I really don't want to have to change practices in the middle. I love this practice because they're midwife-friendly and very naturopathic.... But they may be too naturopathic for HG. When I mention drugs, she mentions ginger and lemon. Hmmm. And when I asked about my drug options, she said that (a) they'd prescribe Zofran when I couldn't keep anything down, (b) they didn't like to prescribe anything else because all other anti-emetics are class C, and (c) if my insurance refuses to pay for the Zofran, there's nothing they could do about it. From other people I have heard that (a) it's better to start Zofran before you are super-sick so that you don't have to work uphill, (b) other drugs are fairly safe and are better than hospitalization, and (c) doctor's offices can hassle insurance companies for patients if they want to in order to help move medication orders through. So.... Hmm. We'll see how it goes. But I love the philosophy of this practice and the fact that they want to consider natural options!! Most other OB offices would just scoff. So I am very thankful to have them! We'll just have to see if it's a good fit further down the line.

Other than that, I've just got a bunch of nervous energy - from WAITING!! My goodness, it's nerve-wracking! I'm not panicking (yet), but I don't like waiting. Hopefully there will be nothing to wait for!!

Lots of love,
Diana

The Journey Begins: 4 weeks, 3 days

Well, folks, this is it! Here we are. Quite unintentionally, this blog has now moved from "potential" to "active," in other words, I'm pregnant! At least I think I am. I can never quite convince myself in the early days (positive pg test - check; eighteen days high temps - check; beginning NVP - check).

For us this is baby #3. We lost one baby in a miscarriage in July of 2005 and had our DS in June of 2006. This baby is due in early September. If she comes on the 6th, that'll make three Sept. 6 birthdays in our family!

The story:

Well, if I was superstitious, THIS would have been my first pregnancy indicator (I'm NOT, so it's not, but otherwise....). I was watching a birth video on YouTube with my son the other day (I want him to be used to them before he's old enough to be grossed out), and while we were watching the birth he turned to me and said, "Baby here!" I said that no, there wasn't a baby here, and he said cheerfully, "Baby here soon!" It did make me wonder, I've got to tell you.

Anyhow, I'm afraid the nausea started at about 3 weeks. This is bad, because last time it waited till week 5. But until I got a positive test, I had to sit around wondering if I was so paranoid that I was actually making myself sick by my fevered imagination! You see, I usually spend the last week or so of my cycle absolutely convinced that I am pregnant. I'm kind of paranoid this way. So this month, I thought, "Great. Not only am I imagining pregnancy, I'm imagining nausea. Terrific. Way to go." I wasn't able to get a positive reading till Christmas Day (that's what happens when you use super-cheap tests from the dollar store - you have to wait longer!).

By Christmas Day, I've got to say, the nausea was starting to interfere with life (And I'd just gotten a positive test! Great!). I felt more like sitting on the couch and groaning than doing anything else. It didn't take long before I broke down and got out the home-made Bendectin/Diclectin, and ever since have felt MUCH better. The stuff really works, at least for me.

Of course, this is only the beginning. Nausea isn't even supposed to BE here at 4 weeks, let along need drugs to control it. Needless to say, I am good and scared. But at least it's under control for now. I'm seeing my OB's PA tomorrow, so hopefully I can get some guidance from her. Hopefully I'll be able to connect better with her tomorrow than I did last time I saw her. She was rather cold, detached and clinical, and I can't stand that kind of professional medical relationship. I hope she warms up a bit!

I am also wracked with guilt for taking a pharmaceutical while pregnant. If you Google "Bendectin" and "safety" you'll come up with two types of diametrically-opposed articles - type #1, which claims that Bendectin is a falsely-maligned wonder-drug for NVP, and type #2, which claims that Bendectin is a teratogenic nightmare (or not that bad, but a drug which raises the chance of birth defects). So while I have the go-ahead from both my midwife and my OB on taking it, I still feel guilty and somewhat nervous.

I'll post later on how to formulate Bendectin at home so that it's available to anyone who wants or needs to make it.

The pregnancy has been a great impetus to get going on my move! Moving with a toddler is not easy, and I have packed maybe 20 boxes in the past 2 months. Yesterday alone I packed twelve! Hurray!

There's also a lot less fanfare with non-first pregnancies, I've noticed! I'm not rushing off madly to read "pregnancy week-by-week" websites like I did with DS. I'm eating lunchmeat with casual abandon. And I cleaned the catbox yesterday without even thinking about it! Such is life, I think.

We finally got through telling our families yesterday. My parents (who are helping us get our house ready) were, I think, less than pleased. My mom was cheerful, at least; my dad didn't say a word (typical, but depressing). DH's mom's first reaction was, "Um, did you plan it like that?" Reactions from church family were much more satisfactory!

And another WONDERFUL piece of news resulting from all this is that the pregnancy has effectively derailed my hubbie's plans to buy a puppy! Hurray!! (I love other people's dogs, but I do NOT like owning them - I'm just not a dog person.) He's still thinking of perhaps buying an adult dog, but that's fine with me as a compromise - no training to do and much cheaper.

So here we are! The beginning of the journey. I am hoping for a fluffy pregnancy, or at least for nausea that behaves itself and proves amenable to treatment. If you are reading this, I would appreciate your prayers!!

This is also a bit of an adventure for me, because my family is composed almost entirely of childless or only-child families. I am the first woman in the maternal line in three generations to have more than one child! So the sibling thing will be new to me.

Wish me luck! I'll check in as often as I can.

HG Protocol - the Semi-Final Version

Merry, merry Christmas to everyone out there as we celebrate the birth of the Savior! Have a safe and happy day of celebration.

I wanted to go ahead and post my "semi-final HG protocol" - this is the plan that goes into action when one receives a positive pregnancy test. Most mums who have had HG once prepare an HG-protocol for subsequent pregnancies - it's essential and very helpful. If you have had HG once, I encourage you to try it! It's very empowering. This plan is extremely basic, as plans go. Many HG mums have protocols that are pages and pages long - to see these, visit the forums at www.hyperemesis.org.

As always, you, the reader, are responsible for making your own medical decisions and doing your own research. The following is not medical advice, but simply a report of what I am doing - so use any of the information at your own risk.

Here it is!

Pre-Conception

WHOLE FOODS DIET
WATER WITH LEMON
PROBIOTICS
MULTI-VITAMIN
OMEGA-3
B-COMPLEX – 100 mg per day, in two 50 mg doses
MILK THISTLE – 2 caps per day of 70-80% silymarin

After positive pregnancy test

WHOLE FOODS DIET
WATER WITH LEMON
PROBIOTICS – yogurt & acidophilus
PRENATAL VITAMIN – maybe without iron?
OMEGA-3 – 2 to 4 caps of fish oil a day
DICLECTIN REPLICA: - Start with 4 doses per day, up to 6, then up to 8 with OB’s supervision. Standard timing is one morning, one mid-day, two at night

B-COMPLEX – 10-mg four times a day (I will do 50 mg three times a day)
UNISOM – 10 mg 4x/day with b-complex (start with just one 25 mg tab before bed, then move up – tabs must be split in half to get ~10 mg)
VITAMIN C – a little bit with each (??) for absorption

MILK THISTLE – 3 caps per day of 70-80% silymarin
WILD YAM - (1) 3 capsules per day, (2) 1-2 tsp. dried extract three times daily, (3) 2-4 mL tincture three times daily)*
DANDELION – as directed on bottle
MORNING SICKNESS BALM BY MOUNTAIN MEADOW HERBS – as directed on bottle
GINGER - 1,000 mg every 2-3 hours as needed, no more than 20,000 mg per day
ENTROX– 1 cap per meal (for total of 3 per day) – this is an either/or with the fish oil, as they are both omega-3 sources
ABSORBAID – 2 caps per meal (for total of 6 per day)

Specifically for NVP/HG

HOMEOPATHICS
BREASTFEEDING – helps some women
LEGUMES – supposedly good for quelling nausea
PHARMACEUTICALS – under care of an OB
MORNINGWELL CD
CHIROPRACTIC CARE
ACUPRESSURE/ACUPUNCTURE
FALSE UNICORN TINCTURE
OTHER HERBS - alfalfa, basil, black horehound, chamomile, ginger, lavender, peppermint, peach leaf, wild yam root, red raspberry leaf, yellow dock

* Most OB's will tell you that Wild Yam is not okay to take during pregnancy. Most midwives and herbalists will tell you that it is just fine to take during pregnancy. I'm going with the latter, but each mum must make up her own mind.

Introducing.... The World's Newest HG Blog!

An online HG-friend of mine, Anna, has recently created the newest HG blog on the market! These are few and far between, so take note and check it out! Here it is:

Anna's Blog: "My Hyperemesis"

Anna's story is really unusual in that, after suffering with severe HG, she experienced a rare complication - HG that did not end with the birth of her baby. Now, almost a year after her baby's birth, she is still heavily nauseated and on anti-emetic drugs. Take a few minutes to read her story!

Blog Entry - "Ashli's Story"

Check out this great post from Kathy Peterson's great blog, "Woman to Woman Childbirth Education":

Ashli's Story

Ashli McCall is the guru of all things HG-related, having experienced this condition four times, and she is now probably the leading proponent of HG-activism and awareness. She's also the author of the main work on the subject, "Beyond Morning Sickness: Battling Hyperemesis Gravidarum." Kathy includes a brief synopsis of her story, links to her websites and a video of an interview done with her about three years ago. Despite the fact that I've been corresponding with Ashli for several years, I had never seen this interview (too bad I didn't; it was done when I was in the middle of my own HG), and it was neat to finally see her "in person."

Check it out!