My friend Sarah has been busy working on her hyperemesis story, and it is here at last! I am going to post it below.
As I've mentioned before, Sarah is a local mum with three kiddos. Her first pregnancy came with normal morning sickness, her second came with moderate hyperemesis, and her third came with severe, life-threatening hyperemesis. This in itself is extremely unusual, as most HG mums have HG with their first and all subsequent pregnancies (*sigh*).
Without more ado, let's hear from Sarah!!
"After a mild/moderate case of HG in my second pregnancy, I vowed that I didn't want to get pregnant again. Then I changed my mind, saying I'd reconsider it when Katrina was 3. Her third birthday came and went in early 2007 and I began to want another baby, just without a pregnancy. I figured we'd adopt. I got a flyer from a Christian social service agency that does adoption and even mentioned my idea to a few friends.
"In May of 2007 my period was late. Then it was really late, so in early June of '07 Vong and I got a pregnancy test from Target and, lo and behold, it was positive! Vong was happy, I was a mixture of joy and dread, hoping that I would not have another HG pregnancy. I was only 4 weeks pregnant and I was feeling great. Week 5 was good, but in week 6 I got food poisoning (I think). Maybe the HG really did begin that quickly--I don't know. I just know that I was very sick, very fast. I knew the HG was back. I began to have horrible anxiety that robbed me of sleep. I had intrusive thoughts of suicide. My nausea was becoming debilitating. I could hardly eat, but was hopeful that I wasn't vomiting yet.
"I made my first trip to the ER for fluids at that time. I don't think I was really dehydrated but I went to the ED anyway in a search for help. They gave me 3L of fluid, Phenergan, and Zofran. They sent me home with a script for Zofran since that is what worked for me during my last HG pregnancy. This time around the Zofran did nothing. I was very nauseated and my anxiety was through the roof. I couldn't sit still, I felt like throwing open the front door and running away, I couldn't sleep, and I was still contemplating suicide. I called my counselor and she told me to go to the ER. I called my OB and the nurse practitioner told me to eat something and be glad that I was pregnant. I called a crisis hotline and the counselor told me to do some prenatal yoga and informed me that the fetus was a natural yogi who assumed yoga positions in the womb. No joke. The counselor was such a joke herself that I hung up on her and her stupid yoga facts.
"It came to a head in mid-June of 2007 when, one afternoon, I knew that if I did not get help immediately that I would kill myself that night. I had a plan in mind and I could visualize myself doing it. I had never had to bear that much anxiety and that much dread at one time, and I could not handle it anymore. I told Vong and my dad how I was feeling, called the OB and told them, and they all urged me to get help. A friend came to get the girls and my husband and dad drove me to Good Sam's ER.
"The ER took me seriously. They gave me a private room with glass walls, moved everything out but the bed and a table, and opened the blinds. A social worker came in, assessed the situation, and told me that she thought I needed to be an inpatient until I could get more stable. A doctor came in and asked me if I was sure I was pregnant. I said yes, I was sure. Then he asked me how I knew for sure that I was pregnant. Odd. I explained that my period was late and that I had a positive pregnancy test at home. They ordered an ultrasound anyway. That was my first glimpse of Natalie, looking like an elongated space alien with a teeny tiny beating heart. I was 7 weeks pregnant at the time.
"Good Sam didn't have any room in their psych unit so I was transferred my ambulance to a county-run hospital in the East Valley. It was not very nice but not terrible, either. It seemed run-down but at least it was clean and safe. I was admitted to a locked unit where I had to strip down in front of a female staff member and don a pair of blue surgical scrubs. I could only wear panties under the scrubs since bras posed a hanging risk. They took away my belongings and showed me to my room. It was 5 AM and I was exhausted but had way too much anxiety to sleep.
"Life on the psych unit is very routine. In the morning you get weighed and they take your vital signs. Then you wait around for breakfast. After breakfast are dr. visits, counseling sessions, and groups. After lunch are more groups and a few lame recreation options, followed by visiting hours. Then comes dinner, yet another group, some free time, then bed. The food was really bad, especially for someone who doesn't feel well to begin with. It was during my week there that I began vomiting.
"I guess going to that hospital was a good idea. I hated being there but the staff was fantastic, and there were two ladies on the unit that I felt made it worthwhile. One had just given birth to triplets and had severe ppd/psychosis in which she became homicidal. Yet she was the nicest gal--just goes to show what depression and hormones can do. Another lady was pregnant and was very anxious about it since she nearly died in the delivery of her prior child. Her doc told her not to get pregnant again, but she did and was terrified. Meeting those women helped me realize that pregnancy is not the dream that most people think it should be and that I was ok for seeking help.
"Incidently, while I was admitted there I ran into someone I had known as a teenager. There he was, on the same unit as me with some big, nasty problems. It was weird and sad that he had ended up so ill.
"The psychiatrist started me on Zoloft and continuted the useless Zofran. Once I was deemed safe to go home, I was released. I had missed my kids like crazy; they were the reason that I wanted to keep living. So my husband came and got me and drove me to my dad's house. Apparently we had moved in with him so I could get better and so that we could have help with the kids.
"My poor dad. I can't imagine what he experienced watching his daughter flip out like I did. I would have killed myself in his home, too, which horrifies me in retrospect, but at the time it seemed like such a viable option. My dad has experienced some pretty rough things in his lifetime, too, but I think this shook him up.
"Anyway, I was about 8 or 9 weeks along and beginning to puke in earnest, so Vong and I got aggressive with the OB in seeking help. They decided to order a Zofran pump and, in the meantime, had me come in for fluids. I got a couple of liters in the office and got antibiotics for a UTI that I had told the OB that I had had a week earlier, but he didn't believe me. Anyway, it showed up the day I went for fluids and I got treated for it.
"I was already mad at this particular doc because he told me that HG was 90% in my head. Then he didn't believe me about the UTI and gave me advice about eating frequent, small meals of crackers. Idiot.
"Matria soon came to my dad's house and started the Zofran pump. I puked while the nurse was teaching me how to use it, then I couldn't stop throwing up. Everything I ate or drank came up again. My pee was dark and full of ketones and I lost 15 pounds in a little over a week. I couldn't sleep, got horribly constipated, and knew I needed more help than Zofran could offer.
"We fired the ignorant, cocky OB.
"Vong interviewed a new OB who said he was familiar with HG and had treated lots of women with it. He was literally a Godsend. Literally. When the Zofran pump wasn't working well, he admitted me to St. Joe's practically sight-unseen for a weekend of IV fluids. He thought the dehydration was inhibiting my body's ability to utilize the Zofran. When we told him who my first OB had been, he just smiled. We later found out that OB #1 had his teaching privleges revoked at St. Joe's because he was such a flake.
"I vomited all weekend at St.Joe's, went back to my dad's. The pump still wasn't working although we had titrated the dose to nearly the maximum. I was dizzy, I was anxious and fighting suicidal thoughts, I was dehydrated, and was horribly gaunt. I felt like a terrible mother because I couldn't take care of my kids. I wanted to miscarry, yet I wanted the baby. I pondered an abortion. Anything to end the misery.
"Around week 10 or 11 I developed terrible abdominal pain and began vomiting blood. I took myself off all meds, including the Zofran pump. Vong took me to see the OB and I began sobbing, begging the doctor to help me and to tell me I was going to be OK. I told him that I had tried to be brave and strong but that I just couldn't fight anymore. He took one look at me, assured me that he would take care of me, and admitted me to St. Joe's for a PICC.
"I was so happy to be getting a PICC. I was so stressed all the time about not being able to eat or drink enough to keep myself alive, and I had a constant and intense thirst that haunted me. I could have chugged down a 32 oz Gatorade in one breath, I am sure. Of course I would have puked it back up 45 seconds later, but I was so tempted to drink and drink. I needed fluids horribly.
"The day I was admitted for my PICC was a busy one at the hospital and the nurse in OB triage, where I lay waiting for a bed to open up on the floor, said that they would put in a peripheral IV to get me through the next 24 hours and start a PICC the next day. I told her that my last IV took 13 pokes and that I doubted anyone could get an IV going on me. She called my doc and apparently he made a few calls of his own because the next thing I knew I had a bed on the antepartum unit and a nurse came to insert the PICC.
"The nurse who did the procedure was fabulous. He was very flamboyant and self-assured, and he got the line in with no problem. I didn't even care that he stuck a huge needle in my upper arm to thred the line in my vein, up and around to my heart. I was that thrilled to get the PICC. That same evening I had a GI consult, my OB came by to check on me, the perinatologist stopped in, and I was scheduled for a nutrition consult the next day. I started getting Nexium to heal my bleeding gut, they started TPN and lipids, and I had Reglan added to my regular IV fluids. I was getting about 2000 calories a day in the TPN so I stopped worrying about eating. At that point I weighed 110, which I hadn't weighed since I was about 13 years old, except during my other HG pregnancy.
"What followed were probably the hardest 8 or 9 days of my life. The reglan made me anxious and did little to get rid of the nausea. I had dry heaves multiple times a day, even from simply rolling over in bed or getting up to go to the bathroom. I couldn't watch TV or listen to music because it made me feel worse. I could still smell the lotion that the nurses wore and it made me sick. The cleaning lady used chemicals in my room that made me sick. Even people talking to me was sickening. The food service people kept bringing meal trays to me until my nurse put a sign on the door that said "NO FOOD TRAYS".
"Nights were the worst. I had nightmares that involved crippling nausea. I would wake up to heave. The staff kept coming in my room for vital signs, blood sugar checks, labs, and to weigh me. I felt like they wouldn't leave me alone. I would ask for my prn nausea meds just to be drowsy for a short time, even though the medication made me jittery after a while. I was anxious all the time and the night seemed to intensify my suffering.
"I truly believed I was going to die. I had never been so ill in my life. I feared leaving my girls without a mother but I figured that they would be OK in the end. Then one night I had a dream that I believe God sent me to assure me that I would live. In my dream I was in a hospital ER. A man came in with these clear ropes that he started hanging all around my bed, up by the ceiling. I looked up at those clear ropes and realized that they were the cords of death, waiting to entangle me (King David refers to this in the Psalms). Suddenly in my mind I knew those ropes were not mine but belonged to someone else. In my dream I told the man to take them down and carry them to someone down the hall, for whom they were intended at that time.
"When I awoke I knew that I would live.
"The one relief I got in the hospital was when my OB ordered ativan for me, should I become very anxious. I didn't know he had ordered it until my nurse casually mentioned that I could have ativan at bedtime. I jumped at the chance and took it at about 6 PM. I was out cold until the next morning. It was wonderful and it was the last full night of sleep I got for the whole pregnancy. I mentioned my pleasure to the nurse the next day and she proceeded to tell me how addictive ativan could be, just from her own experience with it. I didn't ask for it again because I was afraid of becoming addicted. So the sleepless nights continued.
"During that hospitalization I asked not to have any visitors. The only people who came were my husband, my dad, my friend Louise, and a friend from church. I remember Louise crying the first time she saw me. I guess I looked pretty bad. I have to say that all of these people are troupers who deserve accolades for the many backrubs, cleaning out my puke bucket, reading Psalms to me, and helping me to the bathroom. It could not have been a pleasant task.
"Eventually my OB thought I was stable enough to go back to my dad's house. Home health came that night to teach us how to hook up my IVs and to mix the vitamins and insulin into the bag of TPN. Since my husband is a nurse, he was comfortable doing all of the medical type tasks. He changed the bags and tubing every night, and the home health nurses came every few days to change the dressing on the PICC. I began to eat a little bit and started to gain weight. The pharmacist with the home health company was fabulous and he tweaked my TPN and Reglan so I was getting the optimum amount of both.
"The next few weeks were actually ok because I was getting nutrients in my PICC, I started eating again, and I only threw up a few times a day. I still had unrelenting nausea and the dreadful ptyalism, though, so I was pretty miserable. I tried to get up and get dressed every day and I made an attempt to play with my girls when I felt up to it. They learned to leave me alone unless I managed to stumble out of my room and offer to play. Then they would get all happy and we would play a game or something until I'd throw up and go back to bed. The sad part is that they got used to me being like that.
"As the pregnancy progressed to around 14 weeks I was eating regular food for the most part. I still had lots of food aversions and fluids were a problem because I was guaranteed to throw up nearly any liquid. But I thought I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. We were talking to the pharmacist and the OB about weaning me off the Reglan and TPN to see if I could eat and drink on my own. I still had no energy and got dizzy a lot, and I felt anxious and jittery all the time. Now I know it was the Reglan causing those feelings. In hindsight I think I would have done better with no anti-emetics, just the fluids and TPN.
"One crappy note--I was too weak to take my daughter shopping for new school clothes. I had really looked forward to that. But my best friend Jenn and her husband, Tom, took Anna out and bought her a school wardrobe. I am still grateful to them for doing it, but my heart aches that I missed it.
"The next part of my saga starts when my oldest daughter had a "Meet the Teacher" day at school. I really wanted to attend because she was about to begin kindergarten and I wanted to be a part of this exciting time in her life. We borrowed a wheelchair and went up to the school. My husband pushed me and my IV pumps around the school campus so my daughter could see her classroom. I remember feeling really bad that day. I had a slight fever off and on for a couple of days prior and had been taking antibiotics because my OB thought it was related to some dental work I'd had done. But during "Meet the Teacher" day I started having chills. My heart was pounding and my anxiety was growing. When we got home to my dad's house I went to bed and assured myself, my dad, and my husband that I would be ok. But by late afternoon I knew something was very wrong.
"I was admitted to St. Joe's once again for tests. It turned out that my PICC was infected and, not only that, but I had septicemia, or a blood infection. I have a mitral valve prolapse and my first fear was my heart. I wondered if the infection had fed up the line to my mitral valve that was why my heart was pounding so fast. It turns out that I had early signs of shock from the infection. It scares me so badly to write this, to think about what would have happened if I had waited even 12 hours to get help. One of my nurses told me I was lucky; it was not uncommon for their HG moms to end up in ICU with septic shock.
"The PICC was pulled and I was given massive doses of antibiotics to counter the infection. The nurses got an IV in my hand so I could still get fluids. By that point I could kind of eat so I did get trays of vile hospital food. Sometimes my husband would bring me food. I had such an advisarial relationship with food. I wanted to eat but couldn't, and on the other hand I longed to have my PICC back so I could not eat. The nausea was still so crippling and I drooled constantly. You just can't understand how bad it unless you have lived it. It is mind-altering, to say the least.
"Being septic had wreaked havoc on my blood count. My red blood cells and platelets were very low so I got 2 units of blood and hefty doses of steroids to get my blood counts up. The steroids were also supposed to help me have an appetite, which they did not. I stayed in the hospital until I could tolerate my meds by mouth and could drink enough fluids to satisfy everyone, then I got to go back to my dad's. I think I was there for about a week and a half. Sadly, I missed Anna's first day of school because I was in the hospital, but I did get to have Katrina come visit a few times. I remember that she seemed so full of life and health and I wanted to get better for her.
"From week 16 to around week 19 we kept living at my dad's house. I was still vomiting every day but I managed to put on a few pounds. By week 21 we moved back to our house. The ladies at church got together and provided us with 4 weeks of meals. I was very, very weak and so anxious all the time until I quit taking the Reglan. Lo and behold, the anxiety was better! My energy level got better all throughout the pregnancy as I took Floradix for the iron and B vitamins. I found Jenna online and she offered me the emotional support that I desperately needed. The turnaround for me was when she told me that I was a survivor. I realized at that point that I had endured things that would have killed other women and that yes, I was strong. Thank you, Jenna! You gave me hope and strength when I was crushed and hurting.
"My nausea lasted until my 30th week of pregnancy. Weeks 30-36 were the best of my pregnancy, and then the nausea came back until Natalie was born at 41 weeks and 3 days. She was born at home in a pool of warm water, surrounded my my amazing husband and my 3 healing midwives. My family and friends were in the next room and it was all I wanted in a birth. My babymoon was complete with help from family, friends, and my post partum doula. My husband made me special smoothies and treated me like a queen. I had a happy ending to a nightmare of a pregnancy.
"I am in no way done with my HG. The physical symptoms are gone but I suffer from flashbacks that bring waves of nausea over my body. I still have strong food aversions to a few particular items and I cannot go anywhere near St. Joe's hospital. Through my sickness I have had the blessing of receiving help from some amazing people. I have the joy of having two fellow HG survivors in my life, Jenna and Diana. They are my sounding board when I need to talk about my experience. And I can't say enough about my husband, Vong, who truly lived out our wedding vows to love me "in sickness and in health." He was my caregiver, mom and dad combined to the girls, and our breadwinner. I never heard him complain through the months of my sickness, even when it must have been heartbreaking for him. He was Christ to me when I was too angry to accept God's love directly. I am so proud to be married to such a man of character.
"I am thankful to my father who let us move in with him and who made me meals, changed my sheets, emptied my puke bucket, screened calls, and prayed for me, even when God was silent in that department. I am thankful to my daughters who were my inspiration for living, literally, and to my midwives who helped me reclaim joy. I am thankful to Blair and Louise and to Tom and Jenn for being surrogate parents to my girls for the many days that I could not care for them. And thank you to Natalie Praney, my Valentine baby, for the unrivaled joy you give me every day!"
What can I say? Wow!!
Showing posts with label About Hyperemesis. Show all posts
Showing posts with label About Hyperemesis. Show all posts
Monday, July 14, 2008
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Hmmmm.....
Last night I received the news (via the usual method!) that I am once again not pregnant!! I'd like to say otherwise, but I was absolutely overjoyed. I have been spending the last few days of each cycle for the past while in a state of anxiety/semi-panic over the possibility of being pregnant. Obviously I'm not quite ready to try again yet.
The problem is that one has to jump blindly. One can't test the waters gingerly with one foot and then call it off if one doesn't like what one feels - one has to jump with both feet, not knowing until one jumps whether one is jumping into a balmy Caribbean paradise or a swamp of hungry piranhas. And that's what scares me to death - not to know. I could have a "fluffy" pregnancy, due to chance, divine sovereignty, and my improved eating habits, or I could have a pregnancy like the last (God forbid), or I could have life-threatening hyperemesis (God forbid even more).
I was also freaking out over the thought of being in the middle of a home purchase while dealing with hyperemesis. So if we can hold off until we move into our new house, it'll be that much better. Packing and moving with hyperemesis is not only inconvenient, it's impossible. That would be good.
I would be able to relax a little bit more also if I had family in town who could care for Caleb in case of hyperemesis. I simply don't know what I would do right now if I came down with HG, just because Caleb is so needy - but with hyperemesis, even the moderate stuff like I had, childcare is simply not an option.
And then there's just the fear of hyperemesis itself. I am more afraid of HG than just about anything else in this world, and the thought of it reasserting itself is literally enough to put me in panic mode.
But it's been two years!!! Two years since Caleb was born. So how long does one have to wait to get over the fear? I'm willing to try childbirth again - painful as it was, women are just built to be able to forget it just enough to be willing to do it again, LOL! But not hyperemesis - that is a torture that is in another category all by itself.
This blog has been a very healing experience, but apparently I am not far enough down the road to be ready to reenter that world. Well, I guess we'd better improve our use of NFP techniques!!!
One interesting note is that I had a 9 day luteal phase this cycle, and 10 days is supposed to be the cut-off point between functional and dysfunctional (some docs say 12, some say 10). Normally mine has been 10-11 days, since it stabilized postpartum. However, I don't know what it was pre-conception (whether it's changed or not). So I guess there's the possibility of a minor luteal phase defect keeping us from getting pregnant! Well, I wouldn't mind - at least for now.
Love to all!!
The problem is that one has to jump blindly. One can't test the waters gingerly with one foot and then call it off if one doesn't like what one feels - one has to jump with both feet, not knowing until one jumps whether one is jumping into a balmy Caribbean paradise or a swamp of hungry piranhas. And that's what scares me to death - not to know. I could have a "fluffy" pregnancy, due to chance, divine sovereignty, and my improved eating habits, or I could have a pregnancy like the last (God forbid), or I could have life-threatening hyperemesis (God forbid even more).
I was also freaking out over the thought of being in the middle of a home purchase while dealing with hyperemesis. So if we can hold off until we move into our new house, it'll be that much better. Packing and moving with hyperemesis is not only inconvenient, it's impossible. That would be good.
I would be able to relax a little bit more also if I had family in town who could care for Caleb in case of hyperemesis. I simply don't know what I would do right now if I came down with HG, just because Caleb is so needy - but with hyperemesis, even the moderate stuff like I had, childcare is simply not an option.
And then there's just the fear of hyperemesis itself. I am more afraid of HG than just about anything else in this world, and the thought of it reasserting itself is literally enough to put me in panic mode.
But it's been two years!!! Two years since Caleb was born. So how long does one have to wait to get over the fear? I'm willing to try childbirth again - painful as it was, women are just built to be able to forget it just enough to be willing to do it again, LOL! But not hyperemesis - that is a torture that is in another category all by itself.
This blog has been a very healing experience, but apparently I am not far enough down the road to be ready to reenter that world. Well, I guess we'd better improve our use of NFP techniques!!!
One interesting note is that I had a 9 day luteal phase this cycle, and 10 days is supposed to be the cut-off point between functional and dysfunctional (some docs say 12, some say 10). Normally mine has been 10-11 days, since it stabilized postpartum. However, I don't know what it was pre-conception (whether it's changed or not). So I guess there's the possibility of a minor luteal phase defect keeping us from getting pregnant! Well, I wouldn't mind - at least for now.
Love to all!!
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Hyperemesis Mums Unite!
On Saturday I had my long-awaited meeting with two other valley HG mums - Sarah and Jenna.
Sarah I met fortuitously three months ago at our midwife's annual reunion picnic. She has three kiddos, and had HG with two of them - moderate with the second (like mine), and life-threatening with the third (oddly enough, she only had typical morning sickness with the first, which is extremely unusual for an HG mum). Meeting her was truly a God-thing, as we just all 'happened' to fall into conversation while our kiddos played on the swing set, and Joe (as part of an illustration) happened to mention HG - at which point we learned that she knows all about HG from top to bottom!
Jenna is actually an HG celebrity - after going through her nearly fatal bout of HG, she wrote a book which is now high on the market of HG literature - "Body Mutiny: Surviving Nine Months of Extreme Morning Sickness." She also operates the informational website http://www.extrememorningsickness.com/.
(I started Jenna's book on the way home at red lights and finished it that night - I HIGHLY recommend it. It is not a "research" book but an "experience" book - a great resource for anyone trying to come to grips with hyperemesis. She said that one HG mum ordered twenty copies to hand out to all of her friends/family in an attempt to be taken seriously - and that it worked!)
Although we're all 'Phoenicians' to one extent or another, we all had to drive quite a ways to meet. We met at a Cheesecake Factory in Phoenix and spent two hours chatting up a storm. Going over stories, comparing experiences - it was absolutely wonderful.
Sarah and Jenna are, of course, in a completely different realm than I. The difference between moderate and severe hyperemesis is quite a divide. So even though we had a lot of shared common experiences, the two of them could talk at a different level than I could. (Each time I'd catch myself being envious of their knowledge, I would think, "Wait just a second, you idiot. You don't even WANT to know what they know, LOL!!!!") Sarah and Jenna both spent a vast amount of their pregnancies in the hospital. They both had PICC lines (tubes running up one's arm to one's heart delivering total parenteral nutrition and drugs). Both of them contemplated both abortion and suicide (which goes to show you what HG can do, when you have a devout Catholic and a conservative Protestant, both 100% pro-life, contemplating that). Thankfully they and their babies are alive and well today, and both of them are devoutly thankful that they did not do anything drastic.
To truly report on our meeting, I'd have to type all day. Suffice it to say that it was a wonderful experience of comparing notes and sharing experiences. My poor husband has had to live with me following him about for the past three days (after an initial debriefing) saying, "Oh, oh, oh! And another thing that Jenna said...." and "Guess what Sarah also said?......." Those poor men. They have to live with our emotional mindstorms, and they do it well!
One interesting thing to note is that all of us are sensitive to hormones - we all got sick taking birth control. Considering how hormonally-linked HG is, that was very interesting.
Another difference between myself and Jenna/Sarah is that they are Done with a capital D in terms of childbearing, whereas I probably am not. Jenna had a complete hysterectomy, due to numerous factors including the HG, and Sarah is looking to permanently end her reproductive capacity in some way or another. As neither of them would probably live through another bout of hyperemesis, that's a good thing! So although I was the least among us, I am the only one who is looking at hyperemesis as a thing of the future as well as a thing of the past - so I was taking notes! Hopefully I won't ever be where they have been with this condition. However, it's nice to know that they are there with all their knowledge in case I need it! Last time we were just wandering around blindly looking up "morning sickness" and trying to eat dry crackers - this time we're ready to play hardball from day #1.
Well, Bug is up and ready to go, so I'd better go too! More soon!
P.S. A quick love note to Kirsten, who left an anonymous comment on my blog - Kirsten, good luck in Germany!! Unfortunately most of the 'natural' research on my blog falls under the category of "first line of defense." Please let me know if any of it does work for you eventually (as I will). If you're interested in homeopathy (and if there are homeopaths in Germany), you could possibly try that. Check out http://www.bloomingawful.org.uk/ for one woman's account of how she dealt with HG using homeopathy. Blessings!!
Sarah I met fortuitously three months ago at our midwife's annual reunion picnic. She has three kiddos, and had HG with two of them - moderate with the second (like mine), and life-threatening with the third (oddly enough, she only had typical morning sickness with the first, which is extremely unusual for an HG mum). Meeting her was truly a God-thing, as we just all 'happened' to fall into conversation while our kiddos played on the swing set, and Joe (as part of an illustration) happened to mention HG - at which point we learned that she knows all about HG from top to bottom!
Jenna is actually an HG celebrity - after going through her nearly fatal bout of HG, she wrote a book which is now high on the market of HG literature - "Body Mutiny: Surviving Nine Months of Extreme Morning Sickness." She also operates the informational website http://www.extrememorningsickness.com/.
(I started Jenna's book on the way home at red lights and finished it that night - I HIGHLY recommend it. It is not a "research" book but an "experience" book - a great resource for anyone trying to come to grips with hyperemesis. She said that one HG mum ordered twenty copies to hand out to all of her friends/family in an attempt to be taken seriously - and that it worked!)
Although we're all 'Phoenicians' to one extent or another, we all had to drive quite a ways to meet. We met at a Cheesecake Factory in Phoenix and spent two hours chatting up a storm. Going over stories, comparing experiences - it was absolutely wonderful.
Sarah and Jenna are, of course, in a completely different realm than I. The difference between moderate and severe hyperemesis is quite a divide. So even though we had a lot of shared common experiences, the two of them could talk at a different level than I could. (Each time I'd catch myself being envious of their knowledge, I would think, "Wait just a second, you idiot. You don't even WANT to know what they know, LOL!!!!") Sarah and Jenna both spent a vast amount of their pregnancies in the hospital. They both had PICC lines (tubes running up one's arm to one's heart delivering total parenteral nutrition and drugs). Both of them contemplated both abortion and suicide (which goes to show you what HG can do, when you have a devout Catholic and a conservative Protestant, both 100% pro-life, contemplating that). Thankfully they and their babies are alive and well today, and both of them are devoutly thankful that they did not do anything drastic.
To truly report on our meeting, I'd have to type all day. Suffice it to say that it was a wonderful experience of comparing notes and sharing experiences. My poor husband has had to live with me following him about for the past three days (after an initial debriefing) saying, "Oh, oh, oh! And another thing that Jenna said...." and "Guess what Sarah also said?......." Those poor men. They have to live with our emotional mindstorms, and they do it well!
One interesting thing to note is that all of us are sensitive to hormones - we all got sick taking birth control. Considering how hormonally-linked HG is, that was very interesting.
Another difference between myself and Jenna/Sarah is that they are Done with a capital D in terms of childbearing, whereas I probably am not. Jenna had a complete hysterectomy, due to numerous factors including the HG, and Sarah is looking to permanently end her reproductive capacity in some way or another. As neither of them would probably live through another bout of hyperemesis, that's a good thing! So although I was the least among us, I am the only one who is looking at hyperemesis as a thing of the future as well as a thing of the past - so I was taking notes! Hopefully I won't ever be where they have been with this condition. However, it's nice to know that they are there with all their knowledge in case I need it! Last time we were just wandering around blindly looking up "morning sickness" and trying to eat dry crackers - this time we're ready to play hardball from day #1.
Well, Bug is up and ready to go, so I'd better go too! More soon!
P.S. A quick love note to Kirsten, who left an anonymous comment on my blog - Kirsten, good luck in Germany!! Unfortunately most of the 'natural' research on my blog falls under the category of "first line of defense." Please let me know if any of it does work for you eventually (as I will). If you're interested in homeopathy (and if there are homeopaths in Germany), you could possibly try that. Check out http://www.bloomingawful.org.uk/ for one woman's account of how she dealt with HG using homeopathy. Blessings!!
Sunday, June 22, 2008
"The Look"
Well, it's been a while!!! I have a TON of things to write about, but a morning when I am already late getting ready for church is not going to be the morning. Hopefully this should be a big blogging week! I have two book reviews to post, lots of personal stuff, more HG theology, and a report of the big HG event of the month - my meeting with Sarah and Jenna, which occurred yesterday and was amazing!!!!
But for now, I wanted to just post a quick little note on something that I call "the look." I think that every HG and post-HG mum must know what this is. I personally have gotten it so many times that I honestly can't count it. Here's how the situation inevitably goes:
PERSON X: "So, Caleb's turning two soon.... Are you guys thinking about another one any time soon?" (Or some variant of this)
ME: "Well, we'd like to, but I'm kind of scared to try again. I dealt with some severe morning sickness during Caleb's pregnancy, and I'm not sure that I can deal with that again."
Person X: Gives "THE LOOK"
So what is "the look"? I have tried to analyze its different components, and here's what I've come up with. "The look" seems to me to be composed of more-or-less equal parts of the four following components (with possibly more of an emphasis on #2 and #3):
(1) Confusion/Shock/Surprise
(2) Amusement
(3) Contempt
(4) A desire to change the subject
Anyone out there agree/disagree? That seems to me to be fairly accurate, but I could be missing some components.
I had an interesting conversation with Joe yesterday (or rather, I talked at Joe and he listened politely), and I think that I came up with something. Hyperemesis is included among those unfortunate health conditions which are publically disregarded. In other words, if you have them, you are going to be somewhat ignored or patronized. Other conditions in this group would include chronic fatigue syndrome and depression (I'm sure there are many others). They're all diseases which are considered to be "in one's head" and are given the public prescription "just deal with it" or "snap yourself out of it" etc. Diseases not in this category would include things like cancer. (You never hear someone say to a cancer victim, "Come on. We have all had a little bit of cancer at one time or another. Just snap out of it and deal with it. You're making yourself sick by thinking about it too much, you know.")
So then it struck me. Diseases in the "publically dismissed" group are all diseases which occur on a continuum, at the shallow end of which they are not diseases at all, but normal conditions of human life. For example, everyone has been tired (chronic fatigue syndrome), down in the dumps (depression) or experienced some form of morning sickness (hyperemesis). Thus, when people experience the non-mild disease end of the continuum, the knowing public believes that it knows all about the disease and is qualified to speak on it. "I had morning sickness, but I just sucked it up and worked through it." "I had depression, but I just went for a walk and felt better." "I feel tired sometimes, but I just work harder to gain energy." But, though most people know fatigue, doldrums and morning sickness, most people do NOT know chronic fatigue, true depression, and hyperemesis. Unfortunately, that wee bit of experience is enough for an omniscient public to dismiss all people who suffer from more severe versions of what is a common affliction.
Does that make sense to anyone? It just came to me that that might be the reason why certain conditions are lumped together as being "all in your head" (and for some reason, it's generally "all in a woman's head"). Female conditions, such as menstrual cramps and labor pain, are often put in this category. After all, the labour prep class I took told women that labor pain was all in their heads - great, another encouragement of people to think that suffering people are self-sickening hypochondriacs.
Well, I've wasted enough time!! More later!!
But for now, I wanted to just post a quick little note on something that I call "the look." I think that every HG and post-HG mum must know what this is. I personally have gotten it so many times that I honestly can't count it. Here's how the situation inevitably goes:
PERSON X: "So, Caleb's turning two soon.... Are you guys thinking about another one any time soon?" (Or some variant of this)
ME: "Well, we'd like to, but I'm kind of scared to try again. I dealt with some severe morning sickness during Caleb's pregnancy, and I'm not sure that I can deal with that again."
Person X: Gives "THE LOOK"
So what is "the look"? I have tried to analyze its different components, and here's what I've come up with. "The look" seems to me to be composed of more-or-less equal parts of the four following components (with possibly more of an emphasis on #2 and #3):
(1) Confusion/Shock/Surprise
(2) Amusement
(3) Contempt
(4) A desire to change the subject
Anyone out there agree/disagree? That seems to me to be fairly accurate, but I could be missing some components.
I had an interesting conversation with Joe yesterday (or rather, I talked at Joe and he listened politely), and I think that I came up with something. Hyperemesis is included among those unfortunate health conditions which are publically disregarded. In other words, if you have them, you are going to be somewhat ignored or patronized. Other conditions in this group would include chronic fatigue syndrome and depression (I'm sure there are many others). They're all diseases which are considered to be "in one's head" and are given the public prescription "just deal with it" or "snap yourself out of it" etc. Diseases not in this category would include things like cancer. (You never hear someone say to a cancer victim, "Come on. We have all had a little bit of cancer at one time or another. Just snap out of it and deal with it. You're making yourself sick by thinking about it too much, you know.")
So then it struck me. Diseases in the "publically dismissed" group are all diseases which occur on a continuum, at the shallow end of which they are not diseases at all, but normal conditions of human life. For example, everyone has been tired (chronic fatigue syndrome), down in the dumps (depression) or experienced some form of morning sickness (hyperemesis). Thus, when people experience the non-mild disease end of the continuum, the knowing public believes that it knows all about the disease and is qualified to speak on it. "I had morning sickness, but I just sucked it up and worked through it." "I had depression, but I just went for a walk and felt better." "I feel tired sometimes, but I just work harder to gain energy." But, though most people know fatigue, doldrums and morning sickness, most people do NOT know chronic fatigue, true depression, and hyperemesis. Unfortunately, that wee bit of experience is enough for an omniscient public to dismiss all people who suffer from more severe versions of what is a common affliction.
Does that make sense to anyone? It just came to me that that might be the reason why certain conditions are lumped together as being "all in your head" (and for some reason, it's generally "all in a woman's head"). Female conditions, such as menstrual cramps and labor pain, are often put in this category. After all, the labour prep class I took told women that labor pain was all in their heads - great, another encouragement of people to think that suffering people are self-sickening hypochondriacs.
Well, I've wasted enough time!! More later!!
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Christian Faith and Hyperemesis - Part I
Well, having washed, hung and ironed the laundry, made a lasagna and brownies, and a ton of other stuff, I feel that I have earned the right to a few minutes of blogging! (Probably just in time for our little guy to get up from his nap! At the 2 1/2-hour mark, I'm on borrowed time.)
I have been meaning to blog aboug spiritualty/faith and hyperemesis for a long time, but have put it off because of the enormity of the task. It is something that I can't yet wrap my mind around, and will take some time. I have been dealing with spiritual issues stemming from hyperemesis ever since I underwent this condition, and have only recently started to think them through - before this I have simply been too sick, too tired, or too busy!!
Rest assured, I am not questioning the existence of God or throwing away my faith. Not at all. It's just that incredibly difficult circumstances do tend to provoke a "crisis of faith" - a time of intense questioning. I feel the need to work through this and gain understanding before entering another pregnancy.
Instead of doing a straight blog, as I have limited time, I am simply going to paste a letter that I sent to Sarah, my oft-referenced HG-mum friend, which I sent to her in response to her email which I have posted under "Conversations with Sarah, Part II." It may or may not make sense - I was rambling a bit. I feel so overwhelmed by this topic that I don't tend to make much sense. If you're a Christian (or person of any faith) who has had HG, this probably makes sense to you. I think everyone who goes through an extremely trying life experience probably goes through something similar. Unfortunately one can't simply move from weak faith to strong faith without the intervening periods and stages of doubt, fear, anger, etc. - rather like the stages of grief. However much we'd like to avoid them, we can't. I daresay there are some annoyingly amazing people out there who go through a trying experience and bounce through with faith immediately strengthened, but I, alas, am not one of them!
Ashli McCall has told me that she is in the early stages of writing a book about biblical faith and hyperemesis, so if any of you has any thoughts on this, please get on her website, http://www.beyondmorningsickness.com/ and email her!!
Here goes....
"Hello, Sarah!
"I have to tell you – reading your email was creepy. It was like reading my own diary, or a version thereof. Wow. Yes, I have gone/am going through a spiritual “crisis of faith” very similar to yours, although to a bit lesser of an extent (only natural, since my experience was so much easier than yours). I don’t think I ever doubted God’s existence – but I did doubt his goodness and his love. With HG one simply wants to die (nausea is worse than pain), and one is begging God for relief from the unending torture – but it only gets worse. It truly is sinking into the pit. I don’t know of any other disease which so easily induces despair.
"It has left me puzzled. Very puzzled. When people give testimonies, they always say, ad infinitum, “I prayed for more faith, so God gave me cancer, and it was tough, but I got through it, and now I trust God completely!” It’s not that way with HG. One is just too hurt. Too spiritually damaged to bounce back and say “God is good!”
"Here is my summary:
"I thought that I could handle anything.
I couldn’t.
I thought my faith was strong.
It wasn’t.
I thought that I knew God.
I didn’t.
"I think, basically, that I just had mistaken assumptions about God and about faith. Here in America we’ve probably all absorbed various notions of the “health and wealth” movement – that being a Christian ensures some degree of prosperity and constant victory.
"In thinking this through, I am drawn to the words of Christ on the cross – “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” If there’s someone who can be said to have suffered as much as an HG mum, it was Christ on the cross. So no matter what, he does know what we have gone throw or are going through.
"Another thing that I am drawn back to is the simple statement, “God is love.” And “Now we see dimly, as through a mirror, but then we shall see face to face.” There must be a purpose in suffering if God is both all-powerful and all-loving. It’s just hard to admit it when we are in the midst of unbearable suffering.
"Here’s another quote I’ve been considering recently, from Agatha Christie’s autobiography. Quoting a teacher of hers, she writes:
“Quite unexpectedly one day (in the middle, I think, of an arithmetic lesson) she suddenly launched forth on a speech on life and religion. ‘All of you,’ she said, ‘every one of you – will pass through a time when you will face despair. If you never face despair, you will never have faced, or become, a Christian, or known a Christian life. To be a Christian you must face and accept the life that Christ faced and lived; you must enjoy things as he enjoyed things; be as happy as he was at the marriage at Canaan, know the peace and happiness that it means to be in harmony with God and with God’s will. But you must also know, as he did, what it means to be alone in the Garden of Gethsemane, to feel that all your friends have forsaken you, that those you love and trust have turned away from you, and that God Himself has forsaken you. Hold on then to the belief that that is not the end.” (p. 172)
"I have also considered that with all difficult spiritual learning experiences in life, one must go through the middle chapters of rebellion, doubt, fear, anger, etc. before one comes to acceptance and an increase in faith. For me, it’s taken a while. I’m still not there. I don’t have all of my answers yet – or even very many of them. But I’ve started to at least think through things, especially through my blog. A lot of this stuff has lain dormant while I was too busy to think about it, and is now coming to the surface.
"I also consider the Christian martyrs – those who endured unspeakable agonies rather than deny Christ. They too begged for mercy from God and didn’t get it this side of Heaven.
"My friend Jennifer just wrote an interesting blog entry on the subject of spiritual growth through suffering, based on her experience with infertility – you might find it interesting:
http://blessedarethebarren.blogspot.com/
"But anyhow, I totally agree with you saying that “the dross is burned away.” Our faith has been revealed for what it was – weak, immature, trivial, circumstances-based. It’s a long journey. I have great hope that the end result will be a much better thing for us both. But in the meantime, don’t give up hope! I believe that God is good, even if we can’t know everything this side of heaven.
"And, as a side note, positive-thinking people can annoy the heck out of one, can’t they??????? “Look on the bright side.” AAAAHHHHH
Diana
I have been meaning to blog aboug spiritualty/faith and hyperemesis for a long time, but have put it off because of the enormity of the task. It is something that I can't yet wrap my mind around, and will take some time. I have been dealing with spiritual issues stemming from hyperemesis ever since I underwent this condition, and have only recently started to think them through - before this I have simply been too sick, too tired, or too busy!!
Rest assured, I am not questioning the existence of God or throwing away my faith. Not at all. It's just that incredibly difficult circumstances do tend to provoke a "crisis of faith" - a time of intense questioning. I feel the need to work through this and gain understanding before entering another pregnancy.
Instead of doing a straight blog, as I have limited time, I am simply going to paste a letter that I sent to Sarah, my oft-referenced HG-mum friend, which I sent to her in response to her email which I have posted under "Conversations with Sarah, Part II." It may or may not make sense - I was rambling a bit. I feel so overwhelmed by this topic that I don't tend to make much sense. If you're a Christian (or person of any faith) who has had HG, this probably makes sense to you. I think everyone who goes through an extremely trying life experience probably goes through something similar. Unfortunately one can't simply move from weak faith to strong faith without the intervening periods and stages of doubt, fear, anger, etc. - rather like the stages of grief. However much we'd like to avoid them, we can't. I daresay there are some annoyingly amazing people out there who go through a trying experience and bounce through with faith immediately strengthened, but I, alas, am not one of them!
Ashli McCall has told me that she is in the early stages of writing a book about biblical faith and hyperemesis, so if any of you has any thoughts on this, please get on her website, http://www.beyondmorningsickness.com/ and email her!!
Here goes....
"Hello, Sarah!
"I have to tell you – reading your email was creepy. It was like reading my own diary, or a version thereof. Wow. Yes, I have gone/am going through a spiritual “crisis of faith” very similar to yours, although to a bit lesser of an extent (only natural, since my experience was so much easier than yours). I don’t think I ever doubted God’s existence – but I did doubt his goodness and his love. With HG one simply wants to die (nausea is worse than pain), and one is begging God for relief from the unending torture – but it only gets worse. It truly is sinking into the pit. I don’t know of any other disease which so easily induces despair.
"It has left me puzzled. Very puzzled. When people give testimonies, they always say, ad infinitum, “I prayed for more faith, so God gave me cancer, and it was tough, but I got through it, and now I trust God completely!” It’s not that way with HG. One is just too hurt. Too spiritually damaged to bounce back and say “God is good!”
"Here is my summary:
"I thought that I could handle anything.
I couldn’t.
I thought my faith was strong.
It wasn’t.
I thought that I knew God.
I didn’t.
"I think, basically, that I just had mistaken assumptions about God and about faith. Here in America we’ve probably all absorbed various notions of the “health and wealth” movement – that being a Christian ensures some degree of prosperity and constant victory.
"In thinking this through, I am drawn to the words of Christ on the cross – “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” If there’s someone who can be said to have suffered as much as an HG mum, it was Christ on the cross. So no matter what, he does know what we have gone throw or are going through.
"Another thing that I am drawn back to is the simple statement, “God is love.” And “Now we see dimly, as through a mirror, but then we shall see face to face.” There must be a purpose in suffering if God is both all-powerful and all-loving. It’s just hard to admit it when we are in the midst of unbearable suffering.
"Here’s another quote I’ve been considering recently, from Agatha Christie’s autobiography. Quoting a teacher of hers, she writes:
“Quite unexpectedly one day (in the middle, I think, of an arithmetic lesson) she suddenly launched forth on a speech on life and religion. ‘All of you,’ she said, ‘every one of you – will pass through a time when you will face despair. If you never face despair, you will never have faced, or become, a Christian, or known a Christian life. To be a Christian you must face and accept the life that Christ faced and lived; you must enjoy things as he enjoyed things; be as happy as he was at the marriage at Canaan, know the peace and happiness that it means to be in harmony with God and with God’s will. But you must also know, as he did, what it means to be alone in the Garden of Gethsemane, to feel that all your friends have forsaken you, that those you love and trust have turned away from you, and that God Himself has forsaken you. Hold on then to the belief that that is not the end.” (p. 172)
"I have also considered that with all difficult spiritual learning experiences in life, one must go through the middle chapters of rebellion, doubt, fear, anger, etc. before one comes to acceptance and an increase in faith. For me, it’s taken a while. I’m still not there. I don’t have all of my answers yet – or even very many of them. But I’ve started to at least think through things, especially through my blog. A lot of this stuff has lain dormant while I was too busy to think about it, and is now coming to the surface.
"I also consider the Christian martyrs – those who endured unspeakable agonies rather than deny Christ. They too begged for mercy from God and didn’t get it this side of Heaven.
"My friend Jennifer just wrote an interesting blog entry on the subject of spiritual growth through suffering, based on her experience with infertility – you might find it interesting:
http://blessedarethebarren.blogspot.com/
"But anyhow, I totally agree with you saying that “the dross is burned away.” Our faith has been revealed for what it was – weak, immature, trivial, circumstances-based. It’s a long journey. I have great hope that the end result will be a much better thing for us both. But in the meantime, don’t give up hope! I believe that God is good, even if we can’t know everything this side of heaven.
"And, as a side note, positive-thinking people can annoy the heck out of one, can’t they??????? “Look on the bright side.” AAAAHHHHH
Diana
Monday, June 2, 2008
Conversations with Lisa, Part I
Hello, everyone!!! Well, Phoenix summer has officially set in!! Aack!! Ah well, we have great weather for at least 6 months out of the year!!
Before we get started, here's the life lesson for the day: One should never put one's cheese-making experiments ANYWHERE where a toddler can remotely reach them unless one wishes to spend an hour cleaning up a cheesy-smelling mess having the consistency of infant spit-up off of one's counters and appliances. Enough said.
Anyhow, I have had the honor of conversing with another HG mum, Lisa from Michigan, whose story is quite like mine - moderate HG two years ago and thinking of trying to conceive again sometime in the next year. She was so kind to email me her HG story, and has given me permission to post it here! Thanks, Lisa!!
In other HG news, I will be meeting with two local HG mums, Sarah and Jenna, this month to talk HG. I'm so excited!! I will post all about our conversation after the meeting. Sarah is the girl who has had hyperemesis twice, once moderate and once life-threatening, and I have posted her first HG story in this blog (second story coming soon). Jenna had life-threatening HG once, and she has written a book about it, "Body Mutiny: Surviving Nine Months of Extreme Morning Sickness," which I hope to read very soon. Here is her website:
http://extrememorningsickness.com/home_021.htm
And now, on to Lisa's story!!
"Here is a little of my background (some relevant to the story, some not so relevant) :)
"I was diagnosed with endometriosis when I was a freshman in high school. Over the course of the following 8 years I had 3 laparoscopies to remove the endometriosis and try to save my reproductive organs, so that someday I would be able to have children. During that time my
doctor also put me on birth control pills. I would take the first 3 weeks and skip the last week- immediately going to the next pack. Apparently this prescription was to prevent the endometriosis from growing more.
"During high school I met my husband. We were best friends throughout high school and started dating our senior year. We dated throughout college and married 2 years after we graduated college.
"We knew we wanted to start a family sooner than later- because the doctor warned that with my endometriosis, conceiving might be difficult. A little over 1 year after we were married (we were married August 2004) we started trying to get pregnant. I believe we conceived around the middle of Feb. 2006. I found out I was pg. the first week of March. I was doing great for several weeks. Then started getting nauseous. I figured it was normal and did the best I could. Pretty soon I was vomiting 6 + times a day- and could not eat, and whatever I did eat- would not stay down. I finally called my OB (I think this was around the end of March- so I was probably 8 weeks or so along). He gave me some *M/S* cures (ginger, sea bands, etc). Also told me about Benadryl and (not sure if it was B6 or Unisom)- at this point it did not touch the HG- I was probably too sick for it to kick in?!
"April 1st, I had thrown up over 10 times by noon, and could not walk. I called OB and he said to go to the ER. I received an IV (not sure what was in it. I was SO weak, I could barely talk). They gave me Reglan to start taking- and diagnosed me with HG. I took the Reglan for 2 weeks, and it did not help, if anything I was worse. I should have called my OB during that time, but I just thought this was somewhat normal. I didn't think there was anything he could do for
me.
"At this point I was around 13 weeks. I was down about 10% of my body weight. I finally called my OB and he had me come in. Fortunately, no ketones- but severely dehydrated.
"He then tried Tigan- nothing. I had DH do some research online and he learned about Zofran ODT. At this point I was down about 15% of my total body weight. We asked my OB for the Zofran ODT- and he wrote out an Rx right away. It worked miracles. Finally, by the beginning
on May I was headed on the right path. My insurance company was impossible to deal
with- the would not let me have any more Zofran ODT, and I started vomiting again. It took 2 days for my OB to convince them to let me have it. I took it until 37 weeks.
"I never tried phenegran. I took 2-3 (8 mg doses) of Zofran at my worst. Around 5 months, I went down to 4mg in the morning and 4 mg before dinner, then by 6 or 7 months I took about 2 mg first thing in the morning and that was it.
"In retrospect. I should have spoken up sooner, we should have been more proactive. I don't think I or my OB realized how severe it was. I should have said more, but I thought it was normal. DH and I have a meeting with my OB next week to discuss TTC, and how it would be
handled, we also have a meeting with an adoption agency tomorrow. We really want to weigh all of our options fully.
"If we TTC again, my MIL said she would come and take care of our daughter, take care of me, cook, clean, etc. She lives 10 min away and she and I are very close. DH said he would obviously be willing to do whatever is needed- he was great last time. Again, I am going to have MIL read your (Ashli McCall's) book- to make sure she truly understands what she could be *getting herself into*. I don't think she realized how bad it is/can be. I worry about my daughter though. IF we TTC, it will be this time next year when DD is around 2 or 2.5."
Before we get started, here's the life lesson for the day: One should never put one's cheese-making experiments ANYWHERE where a toddler can remotely reach them unless one wishes to spend an hour cleaning up a cheesy-smelling mess having the consistency of infant spit-up off of one's counters and appliances. Enough said.
Anyhow, I have had the honor of conversing with another HG mum, Lisa from Michigan, whose story is quite like mine - moderate HG two years ago and thinking of trying to conceive again sometime in the next year. She was so kind to email me her HG story, and has given me permission to post it here! Thanks, Lisa!!
In other HG news, I will be meeting with two local HG mums, Sarah and Jenna, this month to talk HG. I'm so excited!! I will post all about our conversation after the meeting. Sarah is the girl who has had hyperemesis twice, once moderate and once life-threatening, and I have posted her first HG story in this blog (second story coming soon). Jenna had life-threatening HG once, and she has written a book about it, "Body Mutiny: Surviving Nine Months of Extreme Morning Sickness," which I hope to read very soon. Here is her website:
http://extrememorningsickness.com/home_021.htm
And now, on to Lisa's story!!
"Here is a little of my background (some relevant to the story, some not so relevant) :)
"I was diagnosed with endometriosis when I was a freshman in high school. Over the course of the following 8 years I had 3 laparoscopies to remove the endometriosis and try to save my reproductive organs, so that someday I would be able to have children. During that time my
doctor also put me on birth control pills. I would take the first 3 weeks and skip the last week- immediately going to the next pack. Apparently this prescription was to prevent the endometriosis from growing more.
"During high school I met my husband. We were best friends throughout high school and started dating our senior year. We dated throughout college and married 2 years after we graduated college.
"We knew we wanted to start a family sooner than later- because the doctor warned that with my endometriosis, conceiving might be difficult. A little over 1 year after we were married (we were married August 2004) we started trying to get pregnant. I believe we conceived around the middle of Feb. 2006. I found out I was pg. the first week of March. I was doing great for several weeks. Then started getting nauseous. I figured it was normal and did the best I could. Pretty soon I was vomiting 6 + times a day- and could not eat, and whatever I did eat- would not stay down. I finally called my OB (I think this was around the end of March- so I was probably 8 weeks or so along). He gave me some *M/S* cures (ginger, sea bands, etc). Also told me about Benadryl and (not sure if it was B6 or Unisom)- at this point it did not touch the HG- I was probably too sick for it to kick in?!
"April 1st, I had thrown up over 10 times by noon, and could not walk. I called OB and he said to go to the ER. I received an IV (not sure what was in it. I was SO weak, I could barely talk). They gave me Reglan to start taking- and diagnosed me with HG. I took the Reglan for 2 weeks, and it did not help, if anything I was worse. I should have called my OB during that time, but I just thought this was somewhat normal. I didn't think there was anything he could do for
me.
"At this point I was around 13 weeks. I was down about 10% of my body weight. I finally called my OB and he had me come in. Fortunately, no ketones- but severely dehydrated.
"He then tried Tigan- nothing. I had DH do some research online and he learned about Zofran ODT. At this point I was down about 15% of my total body weight. We asked my OB for the Zofran ODT- and he wrote out an Rx right away. It worked miracles. Finally, by the beginning
on May I was headed on the right path. My insurance company was impossible to deal
with- the would not let me have any more Zofran ODT, and I started vomiting again. It took 2 days for my OB to convince them to let me have it. I took it until 37 weeks.
"I never tried phenegran. I took 2-3 (8 mg doses) of Zofran at my worst. Around 5 months, I went down to 4mg in the morning and 4 mg before dinner, then by 6 or 7 months I took about 2 mg first thing in the morning and that was it.
"In retrospect. I should have spoken up sooner, we should have been more proactive. I don't think I or my OB realized how severe it was. I should have said more, but I thought it was normal. DH and I have a meeting with my OB next week to discuss TTC, and how it would be
handled, we also have a meeting with an adoption agency tomorrow. We really want to weigh all of our options fully.
"If we TTC again, my MIL said she would come and take care of our daughter, take care of me, cook, clean, etc. She lives 10 min away and she and I are very close. DH said he would obviously be willing to do whatever is needed- he was great last time. Again, I am going to have MIL read your (Ashli McCall's) book- to make sure she truly understands what she could be *getting herself into*. I don't think she realized how bad it is/can be. I worry about my daughter though. IF we TTC, it will be this time next year when DD is around 2 or 2.5."
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Conversations with Sarah, Part II
Greetings, all! Today I thought I'd do a quick post - just a copy-and-paste of a fellow HG-mum's emailed thoughts on "Spirituality and Hyperemesis Gravidarum." HG can have a ruinous effect on one's spirituality and faith - it actually seems to be quite common. I have had my own spiritual struggles (still do, actually), and that will be the subject of an upcoming blog. However, that requires a good amount of time, which I don't have too often! So that will have to wait for another day. In the meantime, here are some thoughts from Sarah......
"Finally I have some time to sit and write. My older two are in bed and my husband has the baby.I am feeling pensive so perhaps this will be productive.I have thought so much about what you (Diana) wrote about your own spiritual struggle. So both of us are in a place where our faith was revealed for what it really was, which was (sadly) not what we thought. Hmmm.
"I have always had a pretty easy time with faith until the HG. Even with my first HG pregnancy I trusted that God knew what he was doing. I have not had great spiritual struggles, ever, except for the occasional period of conviction for some ongoing sin that I soon repented of. I have had lots of mountaintop experiences and only a few valleys. This, however, takes the cake.
"I liken it to something I read in Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster. He quotes St. John of the Cross who went through a time of spiritual drought and called it his "dark night of the soul". This is surely my dark night of the soul. It isn't depression but rather silence and stagnation. At least St. John of the Cross kept seeking God during his dark night. I can't say that I am seeking God--maybe a little. I think constantly. I wonder how long my dark night will last. I wonder what I should be doing to end it, if anything. I wonder if my HG was a punishment for something or perhaps a testing that I failed miserably. Maybe it was an unfortunate consequence of living in a fallen world. I wonder if I had to experience HG to prepare me for other work/ministry/people. I wonder if I could have somehow prevented it, if it really was largely psychosomatic. I wonder if it would happen again. I wonder why it had to be me. I wonder why God did not answer my prayers and the prayers of many, many others that I would be healed.
"I feel confused that I am having such a struggle "getting over" my pregnancy. I feel like I should be happy to have a fat, happy, healthy baby and be done with it. I don't know why I can't be like King David who sought and trusted in God when he was in dire circumstances; the psalms are full of evidence of this. I just cannot accept that God intentionally did not heal me. But then I think of the sacrifice he made in sending Jesus to suffer for MY sin...it just blows my complaints out of the water. But I don't think it invalidates my very human struggle to take God for what he says he is and to ponder the question of suffering and pain.
"All last summer when I was desperately ill and even clinging to life, my dad kept telling me one thing. He kept saying, "God is too kind to be cruel and too wise to make a mistake." But when you are in the bottom of the pit planning your own suicide or curled up in a hospital bed, pumped full of drugs and fluids and still puking, praying to either die or miscarry, it doesn't feel kind or wise.
"My friend J. told me to just pray that God would help me to love him. I occasionally do ask God for that and I think he is answering that prayer in showing me how he is taking care of some of our financial and physical needs. We have been very, very blessed with baby clothes and clothes for A. and K., plus we got an unexpected sum of money. We can always use money! :) God has also revealed himself to me through my husband, who has been Christ to me when I was at my absolute worst and all during my recovery. V. is so amazing and I have seen him show me Christ-like love. So I can't say that I feel warm fuzzies when I think of spiritual things, but I am aware that God is at work.
"Another thought--is this sin? I mean, is doubting and grappling sinful? Am I supposed to just swallow whatever I am given? Someone told me this week that I would eventually return to God and repent, but what am I repenting of? I don't feel like I am sinning and I certainly know what a life of sustained sin feels like because I have done it before. Mostly I feel numb, angry, cynical, or tentative. But if being angry at God is a sin then I may be in trouble.
"I hope I am not damaging my kids during this time of struggle. An. is frighteningly perceptive and I am afraid she knows something is going on. Things I used to do with the girls before like pray, read Bible stories, incorporate spiritual truths, etc I just don't do anymore, nor do I want to. I feel false trying to pray in front of them so I avoid it. I do still take them to church, though, so I guess that is something. When I think about it, though, I realize that I am not the only one responsible for their spiritual development. V. is a big part of that, too, and their teachers at church to a lesser extent. Thankfully we have the Holy Spirit who draws people to God because I am failing in that area.
"Whew. I think that is it for now. It feels good to write this out and bare it all to three people that I trust. Please let me know your thoughts and musings when you have a moment. And thanks for reading this thing. I am tired as I write and I suspect that tomorrow morning I will re-read this and just shake my head at how disjointed it is.
"Love, Sarah
"Finally I have some time to sit and write. My older two are in bed and my husband has the baby.I am feeling pensive so perhaps this will be productive.I have thought so much about what you (Diana) wrote about your own spiritual struggle. So both of us are in a place where our faith was revealed for what it really was, which was (sadly) not what we thought. Hmmm.
"I have always had a pretty easy time with faith until the HG. Even with my first HG pregnancy I trusted that God knew what he was doing. I have not had great spiritual struggles, ever, except for the occasional period of conviction for some ongoing sin that I soon repented of. I have had lots of mountaintop experiences and only a few valleys. This, however, takes the cake.
"I liken it to something I read in Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster. He quotes St. John of the Cross who went through a time of spiritual drought and called it his "dark night of the soul". This is surely my dark night of the soul. It isn't depression but rather silence and stagnation. At least St. John of the Cross kept seeking God during his dark night. I can't say that I am seeking God--maybe a little. I think constantly. I wonder how long my dark night will last. I wonder what I should be doing to end it, if anything. I wonder if my HG was a punishment for something or perhaps a testing that I failed miserably. Maybe it was an unfortunate consequence of living in a fallen world. I wonder if I had to experience HG to prepare me for other work/ministry/people. I wonder if I could have somehow prevented it, if it really was largely psychosomatic. I wonder if it would happen again. I wonder why it had to be me. I wonder why God did not answer my prayers and the prayers of many, many others that I would be healed.
"I feel confused that I am having such a struggle "getting over" my pregnancy. I feel like I should be happy to have a fat, happy, healthy baby and be done with it. I don't know why I can't be like King David who sought and trusted in God when he was in dire circumstances; the psalms are full of evidence of this. I just cannot accept that God intentionally did not heal me. But then I think of the sacrifice he made in sending Jesus to suffer for MY sin...it just blows my complaints out of the water. But I don't think it invalidates my very human struggle to take God for what he says he is and to ponder the question of suffering and pain.
"All last summer when I was desperately ill and even clinging to life, my dad kept telling me one thing. He kept saying, "God is too kind to be cruel and too wise to make a mistake." But when you are in the bottom of the pit planning your own suicide or curled up in a hospital bed, pumped full of drugs and fluids and still puking, praying to either die or miscarry, it doesn't feel kind or wise.
"My friend J. told me to just pray that God would help me to love him. I occasionally do ask God for that and I think he is answering that prayer in showing me how he is taking care of some of our financial and physical needs. We have been very, very blessed with baby clothes and clothes for A. and K., plus we got an unexpected sum of money. We can always use money! :) God has also revealed himself to me through my husband, who has been Christ to me when I was at my absolute worst and all during my recovery. V. is so amazing and I have seen him show me Christ-like love. So I can't say that I feel warm fuzzies when I think of spiritual things, but I am aware that God is at work.
"Another thought--is this sin? I mean, is doubting and grappling sinful? Am I supposed to just swallow whatever I am given? Someone told me this week that I would eventually return to God and repent, but what am I repenting of? I don't feel like I am sinning and I certainly know what a life of sustained sin feels like because I have done it before. Mostly I feel numb, angry, cynical, or tentative. But if being angry at God is a sin then I may be in trouble.
"I hope I am not damaging my kids during this time of struggle. An. is frighteningly perceptive and I am afraid she knows something is going on. Things I used to do with the girls before like pray, read Bible stories, incorporate spiritual truths, etc I just don't do anymore, nor do I want to. I feel false trying to pray in front of them so I avoid it. I do still take them to church, though, so I guess that is something. When I think about it, though, I realize that I am not the only one responsible for their spiritual development. V. is a big part of that, too, and their teachers at church to a lesser extent. Thankfully we have the Holy Spirit who draws people to God because I am failing in that area.
"Whew. I think that is it for now. It feels good to write this out and bare it all to three people that I trust. Please let me know your thoughts and musings when you have a moment. And thanks for reading this thing. I am tired as I write and I suspect that tomorrow morning I will re-read this and just shake my head at how disjointed it is.
"Love, Sarah
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Hyperemesis Gravidarum: A Primer
Today I thought I'd just post some sketchy notes on the subject of "I've got HG - what on earth do I do now?" These notes may be of marginal value, coming from someone who had only a moderate case of HG. However, I'll do my best
Determining if you have Hyperemesis Gravidarum
(As opposed to normal morning sickness, that is.)
Well, it's pretty easy to tell. If you're desperately searching the internet for remedies for the "morning sickness" which is taking over your life and driving you to despair, or if you are too ill to be on the internet and are just hanging out in bed throwing up, there's your answer.
Morning sickness, like most conditions, occurs in many manifestations all over a continuum of intensity. There's no exact dividing line between "morning sickness" and "hyperemesis gravidarum."
Here's a good description of HG, taken from the Hyperemesis Research Foundation Website.
"Hyperemesis gravidarum (HG) is a severe form of nausea and vomiting in pregnancy. It is generally described as unrelenting, excessive pregnancy-related nausea and/or vomiting that prevents adequate intake of food and fluids. If severe and/or inadequately treated, it is typically associated with:
- loss of greater than 5% of pre-pregnancy body weight (usually over 10%)
- dehydration and production of ketones
- nutritional deficiencies
- metabolic imbalances
- difficulty with daily activities"
Check out this website
http://www.hyperemesis.org/index.php
It will give you all the basics about hyperemesis - how to get help, how to find a care provider, lots of resources, etc.
Order this book
"Beyond Morning Sickness" by Ashli McCall
http://www.amazon.com/Beyond-Morning-Sickness-Hyperemesis-Gravidarum/dp/1419640933/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1210178718&sr=8-1
Ashli has been there, done that, having had HG four times. This is the best book I have read so far on the subject. If you can, order a couple - one for your immediate family, one for extended family, and one for your care provider.
This book provides tons of information on how to deal with HG, find a care provider, decide on treatment and drug options, etc.
There are other books out there, but I haven't read too many of them yet. This is the only one I can recommend having read it.
Get an advocate
You are probably too sick to do the work that needs to be done in caring for your health. Hopefully your husband will fill this role; perhaps your mom or sister or a friend. You need someone who will do research, call doctors, go to appointments with you, etc.
Ask for help
This is something that your advocate can do for you. You will probably need help with housework, childcare, etc. Ask for the help you need!
Find a care provider
Your advocate can help you with this too. Ask for recommendations from friends, or have your husband/advocate call doctors' offices to ask if they are willing to treat a client with HG. Do not settle for anything less than persistent, aggressive, and compassionate treatment. Three BIG warning signs with a care-provider: (1) He/She tells you that this is just "normal morning sickness," that it will go away eventually, that you need to just get some fresh air/eat crackers/drink ginger ale/etc. (2) He/she tells you that it's all in your head/that you must really not want this baby/etc. (3) He/she suggests abortion as a remedy. Shocking as it may seem, this is not too uncommon. Many OB's do not want the high work load that comes from dealing with an HG mum, and pro-abortion doctors may recommend an abortion to "solve the problem" and get you off their hands.
Stay hydrated
If you can eat, eat whatever you can and don't fuss about nutrition. For the first couple of months after recovering from the worst of my HG, I was only able to eat ice cream and barbecued pork. Prenatal vitamins didn't happen for months (couldn't even think about trying to get those puppies down). Eat what you can.
If you have moderate hyperemesis and are only able to keep liquids down, try the following: diluted Gatorade, jello, and nutrition drinks such as chilled Boost, SlimFast, Ensure, etc. (nutrition drinks will also help make up for not being able to take prenatal vitamins, if you can't manage those). Drink something often (perhaps hourly) to keep something in your stomach. Remember, keeping those liquids down will keep your blood sugar up and will keep you hydrated - both low blood sugar and dehydration will make the nausea much, much worse.
If your HG is more severe, this will not work because liquids will not stay down. In that case, have your hubbie drive you to the hospital NOW.
While dealing with the medical establishment, you may have a great experience or a crummy one. It's kind of a toss-up. Be prepared for doctors and nurses who may be patronizing, contemptuous, unsympathetic and impatient - who think you are taking up bed space and crowding out patients who are "really sick." This is part of HG, unfortunately. HG tends to fall into the category of diseases which are dismissed as being "all in one's head" (other diseases in this category would include depression, chronic fatigue syndrome, etc.)
Don't give up hope
This WILL be over at some point. You WILL have a beautiful baby, and you will feel WONDERFUL. Hang in there!
For those of you in more desperate situations, please remember that abortion is never the answer. You will replace temporary suffering with a lifetime of pain. There are ways to effectively treat hyperemesis - all you need is a good care provider and time. No matter how dark these days are, there is a beautiful baby waiting at the end of the tunnel.
Prepare to be frustrated
If you are like 99.9% of HG mums out there, you are going to be bombarded with the most frustrating comments in the world. This is not the fault of the comment-makers - it is just the fact that HG is an unknown disease, and most women have had morning sickness of some sort which makes them feel like they "know what you're talking about." Here are some comments to expect:
"Oh yeah, I had bad morning sickness. I couldn't eat onions for weeks."
"Go outside and get some fresh air. Stop thinking about yourself so much."
"Eat something! You can't think of just yourself. Your baby needs food."
"Just get up and get active. Go for a walk. You'll feel better."
"We've all been there."
"That's just the way it goes!"
Unfortunately there's no way to stop these comments, so just find another HG mum and commiserate. :)
When all is said and done, HG is just one heck of a miserable experience. It is one long, hellish experience that leaves most women scared to death of pregnancy for life (I know it has for me). HG ladies, if you see anything I should have added to the above, please let me know and I'll add it pronto.
Love to all!
Determining if you have Hyperemesis Gravidarum
(As opposed to normal morning sickness, that is.)
Well, it's pretty easy to tell. If you're desperately searching the internet for remedies for the "morning sickness" which is taking over your life and driving you to despair, or if you are too ill to be on the internet and are just hanging out in bed throwing up, there's your answer.
Morning sickness, like most conditions, occurs in many manifestations all over a continuum of intensity. There's no exact dividing line between "morning sickness" and "hyperemesis gravidarum."
Here's a good description of HG, taken from the Hyperemesis Research Foundation Website.
"Hyperemesis gravidarum (HG) is a severe form of nausea and vomiting in pregnancy. It is generally described as unrelenting, excessive pregnancy-related nausea and/or vomiting that prevents adequate intake of food and fluids. If severe and/or inadequately treated, it is typically associated with:
- loss of greater than 5% of pre-pregnancy body weight (usually over 10%)
- dehydration and production of ketones
- nutritional deficiencies
- metabolic imbalances
- difficulty with daily activities"
Check out this website
http://www.hyperemesis.org/index.php
It will give you all the basics about hyperemesis - how to get help, how to find a care provider, lots of resources, etc.
Order this book
"Beyond Morning Sickness" by Ashli McCall
http://www.amazon.com/Beyond-Morning-Sickness-Hyperemesis-Gravidarum/dp/1419640933/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1210178718&sr=8-1
Ashli has been there, done that, having had HG four times. This is the best book I have read so far on the subject. If you can, order a couple - one for your immediate family, one for extended family, and one for your care provider.
This book provides tons of information on how to deal with HG, find a care provider, decide on treatment and drug options, etc.
There are other books out there, but I haven't read too many of them yet. This is the only one I can recommend having read it.
Get an advocate
You are probably too sick to do the work that needs to be done in caring for your health. Hopefully your husband will fill this role; perhaps your mom or sister or a friend. You need someone who will do research, call doctors, go to appointments with you, etc.
Ask for help
This is something that your advocate can do for you. You will probably need help with housework, childcare, etc. Ask for the help you need!
Find a care provider
Your advocate can help you with this too. Ask for recommendations from friends, or have your husband/advocate call doctors' offices to ask if they are willing to treat a client with HG. Do not settle for anything less than persistent, aggressive, and compassionate treatment. Three BIG warning signs with a care-provider: (1) He/She tells you that this is just "normal morning sickness," that it will go away eventually, that you need to just get some fresh air/eat crackers/drink ginger ale/etc. (2) He/she tells you that it's all in your head/that you must really not want this baby/etc. (3) He/she suggests abortion as a remedy. Shocking as it may seem, this is not too uncommon. Many OB's do not want the high work load that comes from dealing with an HG mum, and pro-abortion doctors may recommend an abortion to "solve the problem" and get you off their hands.
Stay hydrated
If you can eat, eat whatever you can and don't fuss about nutrition. For the first couple of months after recovering from the worst of my HG, I was only able to eat ice cream and barbecued pork. Prenatal vitamins didn't happen for months (couldn't even think about trying to get those puppies down). Eat what you can.
If you have moderate hyperemesis and are only able to keep liquids down, try the following: diluted Gatorade, jello, and nutrition drinks such as chilled Boost, SlimFast, Ensure, etc. (nutrition drinks will also help make up for not being able to take prenatal vitamins, if you can't manage those). Drink something often (perhaps hourly) to keep something in your stomach. Remember, keeping those liquids down will keep your blood sugar up and will keep you hydrated - both low blood sugar and dehydration will make the nausea much, much worse.
If your HG is more severe, this will not work because liquids will not stay down. In that case, have your hubbie drive you to the hospital NOW.
While dealing with the medical establishment, you may have a great experience or a crummy one. It's kind of a toss-up. Be prepared for doctors and nurses who may be patronizing, contemptuous, unsympathetic and impatient - who think you are taking up bed space and crowding out patients who are "really sick." This is part of HG, unfortunately. HG tends to fall into the category of diseases which are dismissed as being "all in one's head" (other diseases in this category would include depression, chronic fatigue syndrome, etc.)
Don't give up hope
This WILL be over at some point. You WILL have a beautiful baby, and you will feel WONDERFUL. Hang in there!
For those of you in more desperate situations, please remember that abortion is never the answer. You will replace temporary suffering with a lifetime of pain. There are ways to effectively treat hyperemesis - all you need is a good care provider and time. No matter how dark these days are, there is a beautiful baby waiting at the end of the tunnel.
Prepare to be frustrated
If you are like 99.9% of HG mums out there, you are going to be bombarded with the most frustrating comments in the world. This is not the fault of the comment-makers - it is just the fact that HG is an unknown disease, and most women have had morning sickness of some sort which makes them feel like they "know what you're talking about." Here are some comments to expect:
"Oh yeah, I had bad morning sickness. I couldn't eat onions for weeks."
"Go outside and get some fresh air. Stop thinking about yourself so much."
"Eat something! You can't think of just yourself. Your baby needs food."
"Just get up and get active. Go for a walk. You'll feel better."
"We've all been there."
"That's just the way it goes!"
Unfortunately there's no way to stop these comments, so just find another HG mum and commiserate. :)
When all is said and done, HG is just one heck of a miserable experience. It is one long, hellish experience that leaves most women scared to death of pregnancy for life (I know it has for me). HG ladies, if you see anything I should have added to the above, please let me know and I'll add it pronto.
Love to all!
Monday, March 24, 2008
My Journey with Hyperemesis Gravidarum: The Longer Version
As I was telling J. yesterday, I have been really bad about keeping up this blog. Someone suggested that the way to get my blog more "out there" on the web was to post constantly, an idea with which I heartily concur, but so far I'm managing more like once a week. I've been really bad about posting my research as well. I have an entire notebook, and I need to buckle down and get more of it on this blog.
But anyhow, I just wrote a longer version of my own HG story for posting on another HG site that solicits stories, and I thought that I might as well post it here! At least it makes for another blog entry that I don't have to do massive amounts of work for (work's already done!).
For any HG mums out there, I have already said this before, but it bears repeating: Compared to many of you, my version of HG was very minor. No hospital visits, etc. So if you're looking at for the dramatic stuff, you'll have to search elsewhere! But anywhere, this should hopefully give non-HG people a nice glimpse of this oh-so-yummy condition. Here it is! ............
We decided to try to have a baby in March of 2005, so I went off the pill and we were pregnant almost immediately. Having little to no knowledge of pregnancy, I missed the signs that I was carrying a pregnancy doomed to miscarriage (a “blighted ovum”) – a lack of pregnancy symptoms and a weak positive test. I miscarried at eight weeks.
One warning sign which I completely missed until it was revealed by hindsight was the fact that although I had no other pregnancy symptoms, I did have nausea – almost to the point of throwing up. With a should-be-symptomless blighted ovum pregnancy, this should not have happened. Preview of coming attractions….
We decided to try again, and I only had one period before testing positive. It was a strong positive test with immediate pregnancy symptoms, so we were much more hopeful. We were very, very excited. We told everyone right away (with our first baby, we had waited to tell everyone, and had ended up telling our family the night before I miscarried, and didn’t get around to telling our church family until it was too late).
Everything went swimmingly for a week or two. I called around excitedly looking for a childbirth preparation class. When I spoke to one teacher, she asked me if I had had any morning sickness. I replied that I had not. She said, “Well, don’t worry – it’s mostly in women’s heads anyway!” I agreed oh-so-cheerfully.
My morning sickness came on gradually – a slow, surging tide. At first it was so slight as to seem imaginary. Then it got worse, but it didn’t stop getting worse – it just kept going. At first I tried to follow all the unhelpful advice they give – eat what you can, eat often, eat dry crackers, etc. The week when we knew something was definitely wrong was somewhere around week 6. I dragged myself in to work on Tuesday and Wednesday (I work 10 hours a week at our church) and sat staring blearily at the computer screen, dutifully nibbling dry crackers. I threw up for the first time at work. By Thursday, I was almost too sick to move. I was supposed to do a two-day training at a Crisis Pregnancy Center, but I just couldn’t do it. I called the coordinator and told her that I didn’t think I could even make it out to my car without collapsing, let alone do an all-day training. I went back to bed and stayed there (except for long bouts of lying on the bathroom floor throwing up and begging God for relief). By this time I wasn’t throwing anything up – just dry heaving. I had stopped eating and drinking for several days because it only came right back up, and the smell and thought of food was overwhelmingly repugnant.
By Friday night we both knew that (a) this wasn’t normal, and (b) something was seriously wrong. By then I had lost somewhere between 10 and 15 pounds. Joe called our midwife and told her what was going on. Her advice was direct – Give up all solid foods, try liquids-only for 24 hours, and after that head to the hospital. Joe headed to the store and bought Ensure and Gatorade, and I held my breath and forced them down.
Thank God, that did the trick for at least getting it under control. I didn’t feel better – in fact, I continued to feel worse. But the vicious cycle of uncontrollable vomiting was stopped, and I only threw up a reasonable amount of times per day.
After a week on the liquid diet, I decided that I must be better by then, and decided to try the “eat what sounds good” theory (food was oddly attractive, even though it was revolting at the same time – kind of a weird combination). So I spent a day eating whatever I wanted (fried fish, 7-layer burrito). It took me about a week to recover!!! I was horribly, horribly sick. After that, I had learned my lesson – I didn’t try solid food again. (And incidentally, I have never again eaten either fried fish or a 7-layer-burrito! Ugh.) I did try a bite or two of something once or twice, but each time I was overwhelmingly sick for at least 48 hours afterwards, so I soon learned to stay away from solid foods.
From then on, my diet consisted of Ensure, Boost, Slimfast, and Jell-O. Once an hour, on the hour, I would go over to the fridge, hold my nose, and quickly gulp down half a Boost and a couple spoonfuls of Jell-O. If I didn’t watch the clock carefully, I would start throwing up when my stomach got empty. It was revolting, but it did bring a measure of relief. I also had to get up in the middle of the night to eat – I couldn’t get through the night without it. A couple of times when I got up I fainted, which was definitely an interesting experience – I’d wake up on the floor with an aching head and ringing ears thinking, “How on earth did I get here?” LOL I much preferred fainting to throwing up – much more romantic, much less unpleasant.
Extreme fatigue was a huge issue. For the first trimester or so, I just slept. The most I could manage was a shower most days and brushing my teeth once a day. Those two activities were absolutely exhausting. I did manage (somehow, I’ll never know how) to keep attending church and to keep working my 10 hours at the church. However, my “work” was basically just staring at the computer screen trying not to throw up. Had I had a normal job, I would have had to quit, and had I had a strict boss, I probably would have been fired. (Thank you, Pastor Jon!) As I started to feel a bit better, I spent some of the time in bed reading. A dear friend, C., lent me all of her Agatha Christie books that I didn’t have, and I read them endlessly.
Our life pretty much fell apart during this time. We didn’t participate in any church or social activities, have friends over, or go places. We had to back out of all social commitments. Our life consisted of sitting around at night watching endless movies (in between my trips to the bathroom) and even-more-endless episodes of Sherlock Holmes (we had a complete set, and boy, were they boring – and that’s coming from a big Sherlock Holmes fan).
Joe had to do all of the laundry, errands, and shopping. Housework didn’t get done at all – I didn’t vacuum, dust, wash, or do anything else for over six months. Yuck!! Joe pretty much ate junk food and TV dinners, since he’s not one to cook on his own. He had to make his coffee in the bathroom with the door closed and the fan on, and I went into the bedroom and shut the door whenever he put anything in the microwave or oven. Oh, food smells! How they can drive one up a wall!! I had to avoid my beloved cooking magazines, too, as reading about food made me nauseous. (And I’ve never been able to enjoy coffee properly since!)
The memory of almost anything connected with that time still has the ability to make me mildly nauseated – things like the thought of our apartment, things we had around, etc. We bought a CD during my sickest time that we had on a lot, and listening to that CD is still unpleasant to this day because it brings back memories of nausea! Weird!
We expected the nausea to disappear magically after the first trimester. Needless to say, it didn’t. The real point where it finally started to improve was around 20 weeks. Somewhere around then I also started to eat. By then I was ravenously hungry, and my biological need to chew things was driving me insane. I could have chewed on our cat at that point – and enjoyed it! I think I ate more my third trimester than I ever have since! I had an especial fascination for hamburgers (which had never interested me before).
The list of things that I could tolerate grew slowly. Firstly it was (oddly enough) white bread and spiced pork products (especially barbecue). We spent a fortune on Tom’s Barbecue (which, again, I have never wanted since, and I have to hold my nose when Joe gets it!). Then bagels, ice cream, scrambled eggs – I was eating like it was going out of style. If you’ve ever been on a liquid diet, you know the feeling!!
By the time I started to come out of it, I was extremely weak. I couldn’t even walk slowly over level ground without gasping for breath, since I’d basically been on body-mandated bed rest for months. Also, my body was just worn out. I didn’t actually feel completely better until our baby was about 15 months old.A real God-send at this time was a work trip for Joe to Virginia on which I was able to accompany him. We were gone for two and a half weeks, and I was able to leave my normal responsibilities behind and truly rest, in beautiful surroundings with lots of wildlife and time for walking and getting back to normal. The difference in my body between the time we left and the time we came back was night and day – I felt like I could face life and was much healthier than when we left.
Our baby was born at home, healthy and at normal weight, three days after my estimated due date. I was still a mess, physically, but he came out of the whole experience swimmingly – never better.
The nausea and occasional vomiting lasted until birth, and then rapidly decreased during the first week postpartum. However, it took a good year for it to completely dissipate (occasional spurts of mild nausea would appear randomly) and now (2 years postpartum) I am not sure that it is even yet completely gone. I seem to be much more prone to nausea than I was pre-conception (when hungry, etc.).
In a lot of ways, writing a story about HG for anyone who has not experienced it is an exercise in futility. For one, there is just no way to communicate the feeling of HG - the unstoppable, unremitting nausea that just overwhelms one to the point of desperation. Although I never, never, condone abortion, HG is one situation for which I can say, "I understand." (Not encourage or approve, but understand.) I've been there. Also, it is simply impossible to communicate the utter despair and hopelessness that come with this condition. There's just no way. Until someone's been down this dark path, communicating the depths to which it can take one is largely hopeless - even to one's much-loved friends and family.
I have read HG stories that absolutely make my hair curl, and I am so thankful that I do not personally know the depths to which HG can take a person. In terms of HG, I was lucky. I stayed out of the hospital and off of anti-emetics. I didn’t have to deal with IV’s, PICC lines, TPN, or any of that jazz. But even so, HG was the worst experience of my life, physically and spiritually, and the thought of it occurring again fills me with overwhelming, sickening fear and panic. I am still trying to sort myself out afterwards and come to grips with the possibility of recurrence.
But anyhow, I just wrote a longer version of my own HG story for posting on another HG site that solicits stories, and I thought that I might as well post it here! At least it makes for another blog entry that I don't have to do massive amounts of work for (work's already done!).
For any HG mums out there, I have already said this before, but it bears repeating: Compared to many of you, my version of HG was very minor. No hospital visits, etc. So if you're looking at for the dramatic stuff, you'll have to search elsewhere! But anywhere, this should hopefully give non-HG people a nice glimpse of this oh-so-yummy condition. Here it is! ............
We decided to try to have a baby in March of 2005, so I went off the pill and we were pregnant almost immediately. Having little to no knowledge of pregnancy, I missed the signs that I was carrying a pregnancy doomed to miscarriage (a “blighted ovum”) – a lack of pregnancy symptoms and a weak positive test. I miscarried at eight weeks.
One warning sign which I completely missed until it was revealed by hindsight was the fact that although I had no other pregnancy symptoms, I did have nausea – almost to the point of throwing up. With a should-be-symptomless blighted ovum pregnancy, this should not have happened. Preview of coming attractions….
We decided to try again, and I only had one period before testing positive. It was a strong positive test with immediate pregnancy symptoms, so we were much more hopeful. We were very, very excited. We told everyone right away (with our first baby, we had waited to tell everyone, and had ended up telling our family the night before I miscarried, and didn’t get around to telling our church family until it was too late).
Everything went swimmingly for a week or two. I called around excitedly looking for a childbirth preparation class. When I spoke to one teacher, she asked me if I had had any morning sickness. I replied that I had not. She said, “Well, don’t worry – it’s mostly in women’s heads anyway!” I agreed oh-so-cheerfully.
My morning sickness came on gradually – a slow, surging tide. At first it was so slight as to seem imaginary. Then it got worse, but it didn’t stop getting worse – it just kept going. At first I tried to follow all the unhelpful advice they give – eat what you can, eat often, eat dry crackers, etc. The week when we knew something was definitely wrong was somewhere around week 6. I dragged myself in to work on Tuesday and Wednesday (I work 10 hours a week at our church) and sat staring blearily at the computer screen, dutifully nibbling dry crackers. I threw up for the first time at work. By Thursday, I was almost too sick to move. I was supposed to do a two-day training at a Crisis Pregnancy Center, but I just couldn’t do it. I called the coordinator and told her that I didn’t think I could even make it out to my car without collapsing, let alone do an all-day training. I went back to bed and stayed there (except for long bouts of lying on the bathroom floor throwing up and begging God for relief). By this time I wasn’t throwing anything up – just dry heaving. I had stopped eating and drinking for several days because it only came right back up, and the smell and thought of food was overwhelmingly repugnant.
By Friday night we both knew that (a) this wasn’t normal, and (b) something was seriously wrong. By then I had lost somewhere between 10 and 15 pounds. Joe called our midwife and told her what was going on. Her advice was direct – Give up all solid foods, try liquids-only for 24 hours, and after that head to the hospital. Joe headed to the store and bought Ensure and Gatorade, and I held my breath and forced them down.
Thank God, that did the trick for at least getting it under control. I didn’t feel better – in fact, I continued to feel worse. But the vicious cycle of uncontrollable vomiting was stopped, and I only threw up a reasonable amount of times per day.
After a week on the liquid diet, I decided that I must be better by then, and decided to try the “eat what sounds good” theory (food was oddly attractive, even though it was revolting at the same time – kind of a weird combination). So I spent a day eating whatever I wanted (fried fish, 7-layer burrito). It took me about a week to recover!!! I was horribly, horribly sick. After that, I had learned my lesson – I didn’t try solid food again. (And incidentally, I have never again eaten either fried fish or a 7-layer-burrito! Ugh.) I did try a bite or two of something once or twice, but each time I was overwhelmingly sick for at least 48 hours afterwards, so I soon learned to stay away from solid foods.
From then on, my diet consisted of Ensure, Boost, Slimfast, and Jell-O. Once an hour, on the hour, I would go over to the fridge, hold my nose, and quickly gulp down half a Boost and a couple spoonfuls of Jell-O. If I didn’t watch the clock carefully, I would start throwing up when my stomach got empty. It was revolting, but it did bring a measure of relief. I also had to get up in the middle of the night to eat – I couldn’t get through the night without it. A couple of times when I got up I fainted, which was definitely an interesting experience – I’d wake up on the floor with an aching head and ringing ears thinking, “How on earth did I get here?” LOL I much preferred fainting to throwing up – much more romantic, much less unpleasant.
Extreme fatigue was a huge issue. For the first trimester or so, I just slept. The most I could manage was a shower most days and brushing my teeth once a day. Those two activities were absolutely exhausting. I did manage (somehow, I’ll never know how) to keep attending church and to keep working my 10 hours at the church. However, my “work” was basically just staring at the computer screen trying not to throw up. Had I had a normal job, I would have had to quit, and had I had a strict boss, I probably would have been fired. (Thank you, Pastor Jon!) As I started to feel a bit better, I spent some of the time in bed reading. A dear friend, C., lent me all of her Agatha Christie books that I didn’t have, and I read them endlessly.
Our life pretty much fell apart during this time. We didn’t participate in any church or social activities, have friends over, or go places. We had to back out of all social commitments. Our life consisted of sitting around at night watching endless movies (in between my trips to the bathroom) and even-more-endless episodes of Sherlock Holmes (we had a complete set, and boy, were they boring – and that’s coming from a big Sherlock Holmes fan).
Joe had to do all of the laundry, errands, and shopping. Housework didn’t get done at all – I didn’t vacuum, dust, wash, or do anything else for over six months. Yuck!! Joe pretty much ate junk food and TV dinners, since he’s not one to cook on his own. He had to make his coffee in the bathroom with the door closed and the fan on, and I went into the bedroom and shut the door whenever he put anything in the microwave or oven. Oh, food smells! How they can drive one up a wall!! I had to avoid my beloved cooking magazines, too, as reading about food made me nauseous. (And I’ve never been able to enjoy coffee properly since!)
The memory of almost anything connected with that time still has the ability to make me mildly nauseated – things like the thought of our apartment, things we had around, etc. We bought a CD during my sickest time that we had on a lot, and listening to that CD is still unpleasant to this day because it brings back memories of nausea! Weird!
We expected the nausea to disappear magically after the first trimester. Needless to say, it didn’t. The real point where it finally started to improve was around 20 weeks. Somewhere around then I also started to eat. By then I was ravenously hungry, and my biological need to chew things was driving me insane. I could have chewed on our cat at that point – and enjoyed it! I think I ate more my third trimester than I ever have since! I had an especial fascination for hamburgers (which had never interested me before).
The list of things that I could tolerate grew slowly. Firstly it was (oddly enough) white bread and spiced pork products (especially barbecue). We spent a fortune on Tom’s Barbecue (which, again, I have never wanted since, and I have to hold my nose when Joe gets it!). Then bagels, ice cream, scrambled eggs – I was eating like it was going out of style. If you’ve ever been on a liquid diet, you know the feeling!!
By the time I started to come out of it, I was extremely weak. I couldn’t even walk slowly over level ground without gasping for breath, since I’d basically been on body-mandated bed rest for months. Also, my body was just worn out. I didn’t actually feel completely better until our baby was about 15 months old.A real God-send at this time was a work trip for Joe to Virginia on which I was able to accompany him. We were gone for two and a half weeks, and I was able to leave my normal responsibilities behind and truly rest, in beautiful surroundings with lots of wildlife and time for walking and getting back to normal. The difference in my body between the time we left and the time we came back was night and day – I felt like I could face life and was much healthier than when we left.
Our baby was born at home, healthy and at normal weight, three days after my estimated due date. I was still a mess, physically, but he came out of the whole experience swimmingly – never better.
The nausea and occasional vomiting lasted until birth, and then rapidly decreased during the first week postpartum. However, it took a good year for it to completely dissipate (occasional spurts of mild nausea would appear randomly) and now (2 years postpartum) I am not sure that it is even yet completely gone. I seem to be much more prone to nausea than I was pre-conception (when hungry, etc.).
In a lot of ways, writing a story about HG for anyone who has not experienced it is an exercise in futility. For one, there is just no way to communicate the feeling of HG - the unstoppable, unremitting nausea that just overwhelms one to the point of desperation. Although I never, never, condone abortion, HG is one situation for which I can say, "I understand." (Not encourage or approve, but understand.) I've been there. Also, it is simply impossible to communicate the utter despair and hopelessness that come with this condition. There's just no way. Until someone's been down this dark path, communicating the depths to which it can take one is largely hopeless - even to one's much-loved friends and family.
I have read HG stories that absolutely make my hair curl, and I am so thankful that I do not personally know the depths to which HG can take a person. In terms of HG, I was lucky. I stayed out of the hospital and off of anti-emetics. I didn’t have to deal with IV’s, PICC lines, TPN, or any of that jazz. But even so, HG was the worst experience of my life, physically and spiritually, and the thought of it occurring again fills me with overwhelming, sickening fear and panic. I am still trying to sort myself out afterwards and come to grips with the possibility of recurrence.
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Book Review: "Beyond Morning Sickness: Battling Hyperemesis Gravidarum"
This is the review as I have posted it on Amazon.com. I really cannot say enough in praise of this book! Here goes:
"Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG) is a severe form of “morning sickness” which is characterized by one or all of the following: unrelenting nausea and/or vomiting, dehydration and/or malnutrition, rapid weight loss, and the inability to keep food and/or liquids down (or even eat at all).
If you are reading this review, you are most likely suffering from HG, a past sufferer from HG, or the friend, relative or caregiver of someone suffering with HG.
If that is the case, here is my recommendation: Before you read any further, stop, go back to the top of the page (on Amazon), and order “Beyond Morning Sickness: Battling Hyperemesis Gravidarum.” You need this book.
As a matter of fact, order a couple. One for you, one for your doctor or caregiver, and one for family members. If you’re exorbitantly rich, buy a small stack and hand them out to every insensitive person who says, through word or deed, “Oh come on. We all dealt with morning sickness. Stop whining and get over it.”
After my own relatively-minor bout of HG, I started looking for answers. Where does it come from? What can we do about it? Well, no one knows the answer to the first question (theories abound), and there are multiple answers to the second (although each person requires specialized treatment – what works for one may not work for another). This book deals in depth with treatment options for HG, from the minor to the life-saving, giving details, risks, procedure descriptions, drug information, and oodles of personal testimonies.
I first found Ashli McCall through her excellent blog, which details her fourth trip through this fiendish disease:
http://www.hyperemesisgravidarum.blogspot.com/
There is literally no experience having to do with HG that this amazing woman has not dealt with, from the amusing to the tragic. She is truly the be-all-end-all in terms of knowledge about this disease, because she has dealt with almost every drug, treatment and procedure for HG that currently exists. One of the best parts about this book is the realization that “Oh my gosh, someone FINALLY understands!!” HG sufferers know firsthand the infuriating comments that we get by the handful:
“Oh yeah, I had bad morning sickness too. Couldn’t eat bacon for weeks.”
“Go outside and get some fresh air. You’ll be fine.”
“Stop thinking about yourself so much. You’re making yourself sick. Just snap out of it.”
“Eat crackers and drink ginger ale.”
Due to the rarity of this condition, most people have not heard of it. When you combine that with the fact that most women have dealt with some sort of morning sickness at one point or another, that adds up to a bad combination – and the result is that HG sufferers almost never get taken seriously, by friends/family/coworkers/general acquaintances or by doctors and caregivers. By outsiders, HG is seen as the subject of an amusing joke. “She’s really making a fuss over such a common thing. She needs to get over it.” etc. etc. etc. This book is incredibly validating in that it gives me something to give to people and say, “Here. Read this!” For myself as well, it was a very healing process to learn that there are other people out there who have been through this nightmare (and, let me say, with versions of HG that made mine look like a bad sneeze).
I recommend that one have this book in hand whenever one is dealing with the medical community. My husband and I are thinking of trying to get through a second pregnancy, and I will be taking this book with me everywhere I go.
Especially helpful are some of the appendices – There is an appendix of antiemetic drugs, with all of their classifications, alternate names, and information. There are also lists of books and websites that are of invaluable assistance to address the needs of HG women.
This is the best book that I have read on the subject, and I HIGHLY recommend it. You cannot afford to be without this book.
Thank you, Ashli!!!
"Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG) is a severe form of “morning sickness” which is characterized by one or all of the following: unrelenting nausea and/or vomiting, dehydration and/or malnutrition, rapid weight loss, and the inability to keep food and/or liquids down (or even eat at all).
If you are reading this review, you are most likely suffering from HG, a past sufferer from HG, or the friend, relative or caregiver of someone suffering with HG.
If that is the case, here is my recommendation: Before you read any further, stop, go back to the top of the page (on Amazon), and order “Beyond Morning Sickness: Battling Hyperemesis Gravidarum.” You need this book.
As a matter of fact, order a couple. One for you, one for your doctor or caregiver, and one for family members. If you’re exorbitantly rich, buy a small stack and hand them out to every insensitive person who says, through word or deed, “Oh come on. We all dealt with morning sickness. Stop whining and get over it.”
After my own relatively-minor bout of HG, I started looking for answers. Where does it come from? What can we do about it? Well, no one knows the answer to the first question (theories abound), and there are multiple answers to the second (although each person requires specialized treatment – what works for one may not work for another). This book deals in depth with treatment options for HG, from the minor to the life-saving, giving details, risks, procedure descriptions, drug information, and oodles of personal testimonies.
I first found Ashli McCall through her excellent blog, which details her fourth trip through this fiendish disease:
http://www.hyperemesisgravidarum.blogspot.com/
There is literally no experience having to do with HG that this amazing woman has not dealt with, from the amusing to the tragic. She is truly the be-all-end-all in terms of knowledge about this disease, because she has dealt with almost every drug, treatment and procedure for HG that currently exists. One of the best parts about this book is the realization that “Oh my gosh, someone FINALLY understands!!” HG sufferers know firsthand the infuriating comments that we get by the handful:
“Oh yeah, I had bad morning sickness too. Couldn’t eat bacon for weeks.”
“Go outside and get some fresh air. You’ll be fine.”
“Stop thinking about yourself so much. You’re making yourself sick. Just snap out of it.”
“Eat crackers and drink ginger ale.”
Due to the rarity of this condition, most people have not heard of it. When you combine that with the fact that most women have dealt with some sort of morning sickness at one point or another, that adds up to a bad combination – and the result is that HG sufferers almost never get taken seriously, by friends/family/coworkers/general acquaintances or by doctors and caregivers. By outsiders, HG is seen as the subject of an amusing joke. “She’s really making a fuss over such a common thing. She needs to get over it.” etc. etc. etc. This book is incredibly validating in that it gives me something to give to people and say, “Here. Read this!” For myself as well, it was a very healing process to learn that there are other people out there who have been through this nightmare (and, let me say, with versions of HG that made mine look like a bad sneeze).
I recommend that one have this book in hand whenever one is dealing with the medical community. My husband and I are thinking of trying to get through a second pregnancy, and I will be taking this book with me everywhere I go.
Especially helpful are some of the appendices – There is an appendix of antiemetic drugs, with all of their classifications, alternate names, and information. There are also lists of books and websites that are of invaluable assistance to address the needs of HG women.
This is the best book that I have read on the subject, and I HIGHLY recommend it. You cannot afford to be without this book.
Thank you, Ashli!!!
Thursday, March 13, 2008
"Beyond Morning Sickness": Preview of a Review
Well, I started devouring "Beyond Morning Sickness" yesterday, and got through about the first hundred and thirty pages or so. I will post a review on this site as soon as I get through it and have a day or two to think through it. It is one of the most awesome books I have read! It is absolutely incredible.
However, I think I'm already going to have to give it a break for a day or so, just because this book is so heart-wrenching to read. Some of the personal stories that included are absolutely horrifying. For one thing, many women experience the same thing in the medical world that one experiences in the the personal world - getting the big brush-off from unsympathetic doctors who tell them, "You're not sick, you're just pregnant. Go home and stop whining." Or "Stop wasting my time so I can deal with people who are really sick." Or "Go outside, get some fresh air, eat saltines, and stop bothering me." Grrrrr. And one of the tragic realities of HG is that many of the severe cases end in abortion, even with the most wanted of wanted babies. As an adamant pro-lifer who is already grieved and sickened by the abortion industry (if you want proof positive of the existence of evil, there it is), reading these accounts just makes me weep - with compassion for the women in these stories (I know how they felt) and anger with the abortionists who eagerly snatch them up and prey upon their feelings of hopelessness to do whatever it takes to get an abortion out of them.
I have found that I have a marked inability to deal with the physical realities of abortion. I did some training at a pregnancy center three years ago where we watched a video that told about the inside of abortion clinics, including footage of a live, early-term abortion, and I have been horribly haunted by it ever since. So, since I am actively working in the pro-life movement (although in an auxiliary capacity) and am not ignoring abortion, I have felt OK about trying to keep from knowing too many of the horrible details (although I do know the basics, or rather, more than the basics - it's hard to avoid when you're working with pro-lifers!). This book deals with the stories of many HG women who aborted in a moment of desperation and regretted it for the rest of their lives, and their stories are heart-breaking.
That said, if you are suffering with HG, have had HG, or are related to someone who has HG, I will say this now - You need this book. Order it NOW! It is so incredibly helpful. The author has so, so, so much information on treatments, preparation, and other considerations, and it is an invaluable resource for dealing with HG. I am planning on reading and re-reading it, and taking it to both my midwife, my physician and my OB.
This book has also been inspiring in that it also gives me motivation to do the things that I need to be doing now - and some of them I'm already doing. You see, waiting to prepare for HG until you see the two pink lines is like waiting until a hurricane starts to run to the store for supplies. One needs to have contingency plans in place, medical support and back-up in place, research done, and basically be ready for the storm before even trying to conceive, let alone conceiving and then trying to do homework.
With that in mind, here is my basic plan at the moment:
(1) Try to be in really good shape physically through top-notch whole foods diet, and exercise.
(2) Do as much research into HG as possible, obtaining a thorough knowledge of allopathic and naturopathic remedies.
(3) Meet and set-up with all needed physicians: midwife (done), OB (done), chiropractor (done), and naturopath (still need to do).
(4) Set up support system through family and deaconesses.
Working hard on this project has been really good for me. The more knowledge I obtain, the more "in control" I feel. My pregnancy notebook has been a great exercise in organizing myself and feeling like I can actively participate in my own health care - both in regards to HG and in terms of general pregnancy. I still giggle at how utterly ignorant of pregnancy and childbirth I was when I got pregnant with Caleb. For example, I thought that the placenta and the amniotic sac were the same thing - and was so puzzled when Wendi would say, "I think the placenta's over here." (Me: "How can the placenta, aka the amniotic sac, be anywhere??? Isn't it everywhere?") But now that I can discuss a lot of pregnancy components and complications with some knowledge (although I have a looooonnnnngggg way to go), I feel much, much better. That's one big reason why the childbirth class we took (which shall remain unnamed) really didn't work out for me - it encouraged us not to know about pregnancy and birth complications for fear that we would "think them into existence." Not for me - knowledge is power.
Well, time is running out before our little guy gets up!! I'll post more on the book soon!!
P.S. When I started this blog, I thought that I would have enough material to post for a week or two, and then have to quit. Not so! I am absolutely bubbling over with material for blog entries and am having to hold back for the sake of my home and family. :) I never would have guessed that I'd have so much to say.
However, I think I'm already going to have to give it a break for a day or so, just because this book is so heart-wrenching to read. Some of the personal stories that included are absolutely horrifying. For one thing, many women experience the same thing in the medical world that one experiences in the the personal world - getting the big brush-off from unsympathetic doctors who tell them, "You're not sick, you're just pregnant. Go home and stop whining." Or "Stop wasting my time so I can deal with people who are really sick." Or "Go outside, get some fresh air, eat saltines, and stop bothering me." Grrrrr. And one of the tragic realities of HG is that many of the severe cases end in abortion, even with the most wanted of wanted babies. As an adamant pro-lifer who is already grieved and sickened by the abortion industry (if you want proof positive of the existence of evil, there it is), reading these accounts just makes me weep - with compassion for the women in these stories (I know how they felt) and anger with the abortionists who eagerly snatch them up and prey upon their feelings of hopelessness to do whatever it takes to get an abortion out of them.
I have found that I have a marked inability to deal with the physical realities of abortion. I did some training at a pregnancy center three years ago where we watched a video that told about the inside of abortion clinics, including footage of a live, early-term abortion, and I have been horribly haunted by it ever since. So, since I am actively working in the pro-life movement (although in an auxiliary capacity) and am not ignoring abortion, I have felt OK about trying to keep from knowing too many of the horrible details (although I do know the basics, or rather, more than the basics - it's hard to avoid when you're working with pro-lifers!). This book deals with the stories of many HG women who aborted in a moment of desperation and regretted it for the rest of their lives, and their stories are heart-breaking.
That said, if you are suffering with HG, have had HG, or are related to someone who has HG, I will say this now - You need this book. Order it NOW! It is so incredibly helpful. The author has so, so, so much information on treatments, preparation, and other considerations, and it is an invaluable resource for dealing with HG. I am planning on reading and re-reading it, and taking it to both my midwife, my physician and my OB.
This book has also been inspiring in that it also gives me motivation to do the things that I need to be doing now - and some of them I'm already doing. You see, waiting to prepare for HG until you see the two pink lines is like waiting until a hurricane starts to run to the store for supplies. One needs to have contingency plans in place, medical support and back-up in place, research done, and basically be ready for the storm before even trying to conceive, let alone conceiving and then trying to do homework.
With that in mind, here is my basic plan at the moment:
(1) Try to be in really good shape physically through top-notch whole foods diet, and exercise.
(2) Do as much research into HG as possible, obtaining a thorough knowledge of allopathic and naturopathic remedies.
(3) Meet and set-up with all needed physicians: midwife (done), OB (done), chiropractor (done), and naturopath (still need to do).
(4) Set up support system through family and deaconesses.
Working hard on this project has been really good for me. The more knowledge I obtain, the more "in control" I feel. My pregnancy notebook has been a great exercise in organizing myself and feeling like I can actively participate in my own health care - both in regards to HG and in terms of general pregnancy. I still giggle at how utterly ignorant of pregnancy and childbirth I was when I got pregnant with Caleb. For example, I thought that the placenta and the amniotic sac were the same thing - and was so puzzled when Wendi would say, "I think the placenta's over here." (Me: "How can the placenta, aka the amniotic sac, be anywhere??? Isn't it everywhere?") But now that I can discuss a lot of pregnancy components and complications with some knowledge (although I have a looooonnnnngggg way to go), I feel much, much better. That's one big reason why the childbirth class we took (which shall remain unnamed) really didn't work out for me - it encouraged us not to know about pregnancy and birth complications for fear that we would "think them into existence." Not for me - knowledge is power.
Well, time is running out before our little guy gets up!! I'll post more on the book soon!!
P.S. When I started this blog, I thought that I would have enough material to post for a week or two, and then have to quit. Not so! I am absolutely bubbling over with material for blog entries and am having to hold back for the sake of my home and family. :) I never would have guessed that I'd have so much to say.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Pretty Awesome!
Today I've got to write about the coolest thing - getting an email yesterday from Ashli McCall, who is my hero in the world of hyperemesis gravidarum. She has been through this nightmare four times, and her experiences with this monster make it look like I'm whining about a mild sneeze. She's got the best HG blog on the web (and unfortunately one of the only HG blogs on the web):
http://www.hyperemesisgravidarum.blogspot.com/
If you have a few minutes, you've GOT to check this blog out and read her entries, because it is magnificent. One of the only day-by-day accounts of hyperemesis out there. I read it a year or two ago and have admired her ever since.
Ashli also wrote a book which I plan to read soon, "Beyond Morning Sickness," which is a compilation of HG stories (among other things). Here is the description from the website:
"Over 50,000 American women are hospitalized annually due to hyperemesis gravidarum. Some terminate wanted pregnancies because of the debilitation of the disease, lack of information and the lack of social and medical support. Consisting of medical data and personal stories, Beyond Morning Sickness provides information on treatment options, validates the disease experience, and offers insight that can enable caregivers to better meet the needs of sufferers."
Here's the link for the website:
http://beyondmorningsickness.com/
I'll post a review here in my blog after reading it, because it's probably the best resource for HG women - I don't think there are any other books out there devoted solely to this condition.
Anyhow, I had emailed her with my own blog, and she was very encouraging about it. I also compared notes with her as to the comments and weird looks that I/we get when saying that I'm afraid of getting pregnant again because of morning sickness, and how frustrating they can be. (If I've sent you this link, you haven't said any of these things, so worry not!!) Here are some of them: (1) "Oh, everyone is sick with their first baby. You'll be fine." (2) "You probably won't get it again. Quit worrying." or (3) A variety of odd looks which all mean, "Come on, lady. We all get morning sickness, so shut up, quit whining, suck it up and deal with it like we all do."
The problem is that almost every woman in the world has dealt with some form of nausea, queasiness or vomiting during her pregnancy, or known someone who has. It's extremely common. So trying to tell people that you are downright terrified of morning sickness gets one the same looks that one would get if, say, one said that one was considering suicide rather than endure another head cold. LOL!!!! If one had cancer and told people that one was dealing with horrible chemo-induced nausea, people would immediately understand, but pregnancy-induced nausea is considered by 99% of the population to be manageable. Pretty much the only way one can understand it is by having it. My friend J. has blogged about some of the hurtful comments that people give infertile and/or adoptive couples, such as, "But don't you want any of your own children?" or "What will you do about the children's real parents?" etc. etc. etc. And people do that all the time with grieving people (I know I have!), i.e. "He's in a better place," etc. etc. etc. So I guess that every life condition has its own insulting/hurtful comments to go along with it. Joe knows that if he wants to get me good and mad, all he has to do is say, "Oh, come off it - you won't get sick again, so stop worrying and just get pregnant." After that, I just jump him. :)
But anyhow, I have wandered far afield. It was just so awesome to connect with another HG mum - I don't really know any others. I am looking forward to reading her book very much. But I was so pumped to connect with her! Check out her awesome websites!!!
http://www.hyperemesisgravidarum.blogspot.com/
If you have a few minutes, you've GOT to check this blog out and read her entries, because it is magnificent. One of the only day-by-day accounts of hyperemesis out there. I read it a year or two ago and have admired her ever since.
Ashli also wrote a book which I plan to read soon, "Beyond Morning Sickness," which is a compilation of HG stories (among other things). Here is the description from the website:
"Over 50,000 American women are hospitalized annually due to hyperemesis gravidarum. Some terminate wanted pregnancies because of the debilitation of the disease, lack of information and the lack of social and medical support. Consisting of medical data and personal stories, Beyond Morning Sickness provides information on treatment options, validates the disease experience, and offers insight that can enable caregivers to better meet the needs of sufferers."
Here's the link for the website:
http://beyondmorningsickness.com/
I'll post a review here in my blog after reading it, because it's probably the best resource for HG women - I don't think there are any other books out there devoted solely to this condition.
Anyhow, I had emailed her with my own blog, and she was very encouraging about it. I also compared notes with her as to the comments and weird looks that I/we get when saying that I'm afraid of getting pregnant again because of morning sickness, and how frustrating they can be. (If I've sent you this link, you haven't said any of these things, so worry not!!) Here are some of them: (1) "Oh, everyone is sick with their first baby. You'll be fine." (2) "You probably won't get it again. Quit worrying." or (3) A variety of odd looks which all mean, "Come on, lady. We all get morning sickness, so shut up, quit whining, suck it up and deal with it like we all do."
The problem is that almost every woman in the world has dealt with some form of nausea, queasiness or vomiting during her pregnancy, or known someone who has. It's extremely common. So trying to tell people that you are downright terrified of morning sickness gets one the same looks that one would get if, say, one said that one was considering suicide rather than endure another head cold. LOL!!!! If one had cancer and told people that one was dealing with horrible chemo-induced nausea, people would immediately understand, but pregnancy-induced nausea is considered by 99% of the population to be manageable. Pretty much the only way one can understand it is by having it. My friend J. has blogged about some of the hurtful comments that people give infertile and/or adoptive couples, such as, "But don't you want any of your own children?" or "What will you do about the children's real parents?" etc. etc. etc. And people do that all the time with grieving people (I know I have!), i.e. "He's in a better place," etc. etc. etc. So I guess that every life condition has its own insulting/hurtful comments to go along with it. Joe knows that if he wants to get me good and mad, all he has to do is say, "Oh, come off it - you won't get sick again, so stop worrying and just get pregnant." After that, I just jump him. :)
But anyhow, I have wandered far afield. It was just so awesome to connect with another HG mum - I don't really know any others. I am looking forward to reading her book very much. But I was so pumped to connect with her! Check out her awesome websites!!!
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