Thursday, April 23, 2009

21 weeks, 0 days: Checking in for Real

Gosh, the calendar is moving quickly! Just when I'm ready for time to SLOW down, it has started rushing along at the speed of light. Slow down! I want to enjoy this baby!!

We got the lovely news from our midwife this afternoon that our ultrasound results came in with an "all-clear," AND they didn't send the gender in the report! Hurray! I'm so relieved. I really wanted the gender to be a surprise for our whole birth team, and now it can be.

My nausea levels are now almost always manageable (when I remember to take my Unisom/Zofran, that is) and are only troublesome a couple of times a day. Hurray!

But this has made future thoughts of the fate of our fertility more difficult.... We have always planned that this would be baby #LAST, due to this terrible problem with morning sickness. I still feel that this is the path of wisdom.... but having had an "easier" time this time has made making that final decision in cold blood a very difficult one. I find myself mourning for the "might have beens," and if we do go ahead with the final step of ending our childbearing with this child, it is going to be HARD... but I can't stand the thought of going through this blasted nausea again.

Honestly, I'd always thought that the thought of secondary infertility was a bit silly... After all, one child is a child, right? But here I am upset over the thought of "tertiary infertility"! My goodness.

I know that there are at least 3-4 women reading this blog who have had to end their childbearing years permanently, willingly or no, because of their severe hyperemesis. How have you guys dealt with it? Any grief over future babies lost, or just relief over no more HG? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

I've got a busy weekend coming up... Birth circle tonight, houseguests over the weekend, and playing for a church service on Sunday at the church where I sub. Should be interesting! Having houseguests, though, means that I will have to cook (blech!!!).... so I need to think of something (quickly!) that tastes decent but doesn't require... cooking. Hmmm. I haven't really gotten back to cooking yet, unless you count heating something out of a can... in the garage... done by my husband.

Well, I had more to write, but my toddler protesteth! So I'll save that for next time. Have a wonderful weekend, everyone!


  1. Hi Diana--So glad you are feeling well! I just marked my first week without barfing! TMI, yes, but monumental. I also stopped the Zofran and am now keeping things under control with Zantac. :) I"m also so happy for you that your ultrasound looks great and that the baby's gender was not revealed to you or your midwives. My ultrasound is next week! Finally, to what you asked about hyperemesis and stopping after 2 children...I always wanted 3 kids but the thought of feeling this bad again (and this time wasn't even as bad as the first pregnancy) really has changed my mind. Maybe adoption is the right route for us if we want another child. But the fear I have of being sick with TWO children to take care of...that overshadows any real dream I have of having another baby. At least for now!

  2. I still mourn the "loss" of the "would have beens" with a second child. Under my circumstances, I think having a second pregnancy would not be wise. I still have tears occassionally over the fact that I know our second child will never be. But my mom reminds me, "Man plots his course, but God directs his footsteps." It's true; I had a plan, but my Father had a different one. I try to rest in his all-knowing love and healing!!! To say the least, I know how you feel. :)


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