A Journey of Weight Loss (or the Lack Thereof)

 
I have a storied history with weight. I started out as a normal-weight baby and then toddler, transitioned to a very overweight child, and then lost it all and became a thinner-than-normal teen. 

Thus, I started adult life at a healthy weight. But it all went downhill from there.

Five pounds in college.
Five pounds in culinary school.
Five pounds with each baby.
Another five pounds this past year.

And, all in all, I found myself at a place in which I was way above the highest weight at which I felt at all comfortable. And after many, many years of "I'm not happy with my weight, but I'm too busy-tired-stressed to deal with it," I was finally ready to turn my attention to losing weight.

One year in, I'm happy to report that I've lost a total of....

Zero pounds

When I say "zero pounds," that's not actually true. Actually, I have lost a massive amount of weight - traveling up and down the scale within the same 7-8 pound range. But it has all come back. Yo-yo dieting in miniature, you might say. 

BUT

I have learned quite a bit. Firstly, about weight loss. I have learned that, for example:

(1) I do not lose weight easily. ("Mmm-hmm" says every woman in America.) Weight loss is a fight to the death. I should have realized this from my years of doing diets to test their efficacy in fighting morning sickness - even when doing extreme diets (Paleo, low-carb, keto), I really didn't lose much if any weight. The only time I lost a considerable amount of weight (20 pounds, if I remember correctly) was when I went dairy-free - and that weight, unfortunately, stayed gone for only about six months before it crept right back.

(2) However, I can gain weight extremely easily! ("Mmm-hmm," says every woman in America, again.) I can work like the dickens to lose weight over the course of a week, and gain it all back over the weekend. 

(And both of these problems seem to be getting worse as I age.)

I've also learned some of my own faults that are contributing to my difficulty in losing weight. Here are a few of them:

(1) When it comes to food, I have an innately disordered appetite. Overeating is automatic for me - moderation is intensely difficult. And I know that this is inborn for me because my parents have told me that as soon as I was old enough to order my own food in a restaurant, I went straight to the adult menu - I never ordered from the child-sized menu, even as a young child. 

A great book that outlines the differences between people who find moderation easy and natural, and people for whom overeating is automatic and instinctual, is Bright Lines Eating by Susan Peirce Thompson. This book helped to relieve a bit of the guilt of being someone to whom moderation does not and probably will never come easily, and also helped me to see the innate differences between people like my husband's family, who find it easy to say "Oh, I took three bites of this luscious chocolate cake, and I just can't eat another bite, I guess I'd better throw the rest in the trash" (really!) and someone like me, who eats a piece of chocolate cake and now has to fight a roaring desire to devour the entire cake. I now know that gluttony is a battle that I'll always have to fight, and it's helpful to know that this fight is inborn and not just a sign of my moral failings. We all have sins to which we are prone, and this is one of mine.

(2) Secondly, I realized that I've fallen into bad habits since I've been on my own (so, twenty years). The philosophy of "I'm an adult, therefore I can, therefore I will," does not translate into good end-results when applied to desserts, snacks, and treats. I'm having to re-learn a better philosophy, "I'm an adult, therefore I can, therefore I will decide if it's wise or not and will act accordingly." 

(3) I realized when reading Trim Healthy Mama that I have another really bad habit, and that is constant nibbling. This habit can really fly under the radar, and it certainly did with me. Nibbling when preparing food, when serving food, when clearing away and putting away - it can really add up. I've really been working on this problem, and it's a tough one to tackle.

(4) On a side note, my exercise life is non-existent. I love to do ballet, but have neither the time nor the money; I love to walk, but never do because I always end up with a flock of children around me who prevent any serious exercise. I don't worry too much about this, because I am a mama who is constantly active within the home - I'm not stuck in a screen-based job, and I am quite active. However, I am also quite out of shape from a strength or stamina perspective - any strenuous exertion reminds me quite quickly how out of training I am. Again, it's not a big issue to me right now because I do not have the time to remedy it. But it is something to keep on the radar.

One method that I have found works for weight loss is fasting. I've found this quite liberating, and I'm working on incorporating fasting into my life. (Read more with Fast Like a Girl by Dr. Mindy Pelz.)

The downsides of fasting have been as been that (1) it is quite easy to overeat following a fasting period and thus regain all of the weight lost, and (2) I find fasting nearly impossible on days when I am super-stressed (which is quite often).

I also find it quite amusing that the only way that I've found to actually lose weight successfully is to completely stop eating.

As a 20-year aficionado of food and health sciences, I am also aware that there is a myriad of reasons why we moderns are having such trouble with our weight. There are massive economic and environmental causative factors that are creating the perfect storm in terms of weight problems and chronic illness. I think that I could easily list a hundred reasons behind all of this. Plastics, screens, antibiotics overuse, various birth practices, chemical food additives, fast food, social programming (like the "you should snack all the time" movement from the 1980s), etc. The cards are stacked against us in so many ways.

Still, I want to give it my best shot. And hopefully the disciplines that I am beginning to learn now will have a positive impact. 

I'll check back in and let you know.

And please, if you have any amazing weight loss tips, let me know!