It's that time of year again - our 2016-2017 school year starts on Monday!
I'm excited. And nervous. And somewhat exhausted even thinking about it. But still excited.
It's going to be a big year.
Besides our usual school schedule, which will be our first full year with daddy working outside the home AND with the baby no longer taking a morning nap AND with adding three (four?) new subjects (Latin, yay!), it's going to be a full year:
- We will be dealing with medical, dental, and behavior issues with our baby with special needs.
- We will be continuing our work with a special diet for our baby with special needs - right now we're on Intro GAPS.
- We will be dealing with dental issues for my husband.
- I am in full-time pregnancy preparation mode, which means lots of supplements and routines.
- We will be completing our transition to a gluten-free household. We've been messing around with this for about five years, but it's time to go hard-core. It makes me beyond frustrated that a wonderful God-given food has been transformed into a substance which is poisonous for a huge proportion of the population, and we have been dealing with this for too many years.
Additionally, if history repeats itself, there's a good chance that the Lord will bless our family with a new little one over the course of the following year. If that is the case, then we'll deal with all of the attendant nausea, etc., at the same time.
From my current vantage point, the thought of a new pregnancy is overwhelming. Right now I am just tired, tired, tired. And so incredibly busy. All day, every day. There is just so much to do, and the work just doesn't stop. Ever. The idea of adding astounding levels of fatigue and nausea to that is somewhat overwhelming.
But I'm also overjoyed at the thought of a new little one, and we will be thrilled if and when our number grows again. (Maybe we could just skip the whole nausea-exhaustion bit this time.)
In the middle of all this, I'm not sure what to do about blogging. I am actually toying with the idea of quitting (for now).
You see, I don't have time to write right now. But an unattended blog is not just an unattended blog. It's a constant source of both temptation (to blog when I should be doing something else) and frustration (of articles written mentally which I do not have time to write physically). It's a constant source of stress.
Additionally, there are a couple of other things about blogging that bother me:
Point #1
Blogging (or any other computer work) seems to be a signal for my children to misbehave. As in, within 30 seconds of my starting to write. Case in point, the 4yo started a crying fit about six paragraphs ago, just after I started to write this post. Right now I'm ignoring him and letting daddy take over, but this is not an isolated incident. Whatever evil lurks in the heart of my children receives a big go-ahead as soon as I sit down at the computer.
Point #2
Blogging is a joy to my heart. But it's not necessarily always a big benefit to my family, and it can cause me to neglect those hobbies which do indeed benefit my family. If I'm making time for blogging but not playing the piano for the family (a substitution which happens often), then I think my priorities are out of place.
Point #3
I am nearing my 1000th post on this blog. But you know what? My best posts are still in the Drafts folder. For some reason, whenever I write a really good post, especially about a subject that moves me deeply, I never feel comfortable publishing it. Is this because I simply shy away from being so openly vulnerable in such a public place? Or is it because I am a coward and can't take the push-back that comes when I publish my opinions on controversial subjects? I believe it's both. (I know it's definitely the latter.)
Point #4
Blogging is a time-eater. It's just so much fun, that time slips away unnoticed. This can be a serious annoyance to my husband, who needs my help and mindful (as opposed to zoned out) companionship.
Another case in point, my husband just walked up and said, "Hey, I thought you were going to stop blogging!"
Another case in point, my husband just walked up and said, "Hey, I thought you were going to stop blogging!"
Well, I am. Sort of. I'm blogging about not blogging.
But my husband knows well the trial of trying to pry me off of the computer when I'm in "Stop everything, I have to blog!" mode.
Anyhow, no answers right now. I still have (lots of) posts in draft form that I need to publish if I can ever get around to it. But as for real blogging... I still have to think and pray about it. Either way, I probably won't be around much!
In the meantime, Happy Easter, Happy Spring, and Happy Back-to-School to you all!
In the meantime, Happy Easter, Happy Spring, and Happy Back-to-School to you all!
Have a wonderful weekend, dear readers!
On point #3, I can tell you, you are not unreasonable to keep your best stuff to yourself. I never have, and I can't really identify with the"coward" thing, since I lack enough sense to even know when I'm stepping in something until the deed is done. ;) However, I did get to a point where, despite the wonderfulness of my readers, I started to feel like I was casting my pearls before swine. It wasn't just pushback, but counterproductive, time-sucking, wasted interaction. My kids needed me. These people did not. I believe God put me where he did for a time for his own reasons, and then made it very clear that the time was up. It was no longer worth it. He'll do the same for you if he wants that stuff published. You'll just feel the need to get it out there, and then you will.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your good words, Cindy! I really respect bloggers like you who can speak hard truths - I tend to shy away from that. I found it interesting how you said, " I believe God put me where he did for a time for his own reasons, and then made it very clear that the time was up." That's fascinating stuff. I pray for the same kind of leading in my own life. And that's how I felt with Facebook. It was great, but it was taking me away from what God called me to do, i.e. be fully present raising my children. Blogging poses a similar temptation to me - to have my mind and thoughts "out there" rather than at home with the little ones whose care comprises my job description. Additionally, we are facing an increasingly hostile and anti-Christian internet, and that scares me, frankly. I'm not sure how "out there" I want to be. Still thinking on that one.
DeleteHasten to add that the readers and the swine were two distinct groups of people. Obviously.
ReplyDeleteHeh, heh, heh. NOW we know what you really think of us, LOL!! :)
DeleteI have 2 pieces of advice:
ReplyDelete1. Don't blog during the day. I only write in the wee hours of the morning when the kids are asleep--but then, as you can see by the time stamp on this comment, sometimes I sneak a moment to read other blogs when the kids are playing. :)
2. Don't give up completely because blogging is a great way to keep a record of what your family does. We love going back to read old posts to see how much we've grown and changed.
But that being my opinion--only you, your husband, and the Lord can make the right decision for you.
I just know I would miss you if you disappear.
Wow, do I agree with point #1 especially! Yes, internet during the day is a serious NO. I can't even type a sentence before the screaming breaks out. Children have an innate sense of "mom's on the internet, time to instigate a catastrophe!" - I don't know how they do it, but they do!
DeletePoint #2 - I may just take that advice, at least for now, and turn my blog into a journal-type only (which is pretty close to what it is anyway right now). That way I'll have a running record of our activities without the pressure of issue-based blogging.
Thank you for your kind words!
I have an idea for you, but I've now lost your email. When you get a chance, would you drop me a note and I'll send you an idea. Perhaps it will give you peace...
ReplyDeleteEmail sent! Sorry it took so long, Deborah! :)
DeleteDear Diana,
ReplyDeleteI can totally relate to being tired! I cook three meals a day (unless my older children help me, which they sometimes do), change diapers, nurse the baby, homeschool, answer phone calls, manage our checking account, pay bills, etc... Sometimes I feel like I want someone to come over and cook ME a meal, while I just sit back and relax! My husband works a lot, so he is often tired, too. That's not to say that we don't enjoy our lives--I wouldn't have it any other way! Blogging, for me, has been a way to unwind, and to articulate some of those thoughts that are constantly whirling through my mind; it's a way to get all that mental energy out.
However, I've only been at it for about a year. I wonder how my feelings might change after seven years! You have to do what you have to do; but, if you stopped blogging, I sure would miss keeping up with your posts! I don't always comment, but I love to sit back and read your articles on my phone while sitting in the rocking chair while nursing my little one.
Hoping that you'll figure out a solution that will bring you peace,
Jessica :)
Thanks, Jessica! I know that you and I are in very similar places - except that you're doing even more than I am!! I think my blog is at a natural resting place simply because of my level of fatigue and busyness - with homeschooling, the behavior challenges of the 4yo and the special needs challenges of the 6o, plus chasing after the baby - my goodness, there's just not time for anything else right now. The itch to write doesn't go away, but it's suppressed through fatigue! :) I'll just have to pray and think about the direction that I should take in the future, and see where the Lord leads me. As I mentioned to Cindy, above, I'm not as good at directly addressing issues as you guys are, and that does bug me. Ah, more to pray about!
DeleteOff to start another day! Have a wonderful day in the frozen north! :)