Still Here!

Wow! It's been so long since I updated this blog (with a personal entry, that is) that I had to go back and see when the last entry was - and it was almost a month and a half ago! There's no way that I can write that big of an update, but I thought I'd at least check in. Hubby and son are napping right now (or rather, hubby is napping and our son is sitting in his bed singing Thomas the Tank Engine songs), but baby has made it clear that a nap is not in the works for either of us (he's laying on the floor grinning at me), so I may as well write! Unfortunately, the layout of our house makes it nearly impossible to get anything done during nap times (except something silent like paperwork) because every room is both highly visible and highly audible from our son's bedroom. So... can't cook, can't clean, can't vacuum, etc. If we ever buy another house, we will without a doubt be looking for a house where the bedrooms are off around a corner somewhere!

Moving on...

We are doing well. Lately I have been frantically, frantically busy, but not with anything of particular interest! Cooking, cleaning, planning, playing with trains, reading books, attending MOMS playdates, going to the park and the library, morning routines, evening routines, meals, dishes - the whole deal. Life is quite tiring!

Physically, though, it's wonderful to see how much easier it is to recover from (1) a second birth, as opposed to a first birth, and (2) a non-HG pregnancy. The two combined with our first made for one exhausting postpartum year. In fact, I didn't really feel "better" until baby was about 15 months old. Now, I feel fine and have felt fine for months! (Besides being constantly sleep-deprived, that is.) Of course, one of the consequences of a non-HG pregnancy has been another 20 pounds of baby weight to lose, but let's be real!! Postpartum baby weight is infinitely to be preferred over a fashionably-slim HG pregnancy! So I am very grateful for the fact that I have extra pounds to lose rather than not having them because I had a miserable HG pregnancy.

Baby's six-month birthday is coming up soon, and at that point I'm going to do a review of my pregnancy and birth experience. I'll also be watching my birth video!! I read a book (I think it was "Birthing from Within") that said that one shouldn't watch one's birth video for at least six months post-birth in order to let one's birth memories form naturally in one's mind. I thought it sounded like a great idea, so I have avoided watching my birth video (the rest of the family has watched it already). I'm looking forward to seeing it! Of course, I may not be able to look my midwives or doulas in the eye after I see how I behaved (as I remember it, I was making noises that resembled something like a bull moose during mating season), but we shall see. :)

One great result of this past birth (I'll write more on this at the time) is that I have lost my fear of childbirth. With my first birth I found a deep self-respect and experienced a powerful personal transformation, and with this last birth I found my strength. It really was an experience of having to face my fears (after going through birth the first time, I was really scared of having to do it again). Now that I've done it again, I have lost that fear. I know that I CAN do it, regardless of how painful it is. It's a very freeing thing. In fact, the last time I saw a picture of a woman laboring in a tub, my first thought was "Oh my gosh, I want to be doing that again!" (Weird. Yes. And if I don't get a handle on our birth control situation, I most likely will be doing it again. I need to get a move on that.) But that in itself is the subject of another entry. Moving on....

We are settling in well at our new church. I am still grieving for my home church, but life is continuing on. One good thing is that I already know many people at our new church; the other good thing is that I can see most of my old church family on Facebook (thank goodness for Facebook!). I miss them all, and I know that there are a lot of hurt feelings - but at least I still have connections and friends with whom I am in touch.

I have been steadily working toward my (temporary) goal of putting aside my hobbies (mainly childbirth research and lore) in order to focus on growing as a mother and focusing on my family, and the results have been good. I've read a lot of good books and learned a lot of things. I realize now that I wasted a lot of my first son's infancy in trying to "fit him in" to my life - the life that was strictly scheduled, spent almost 100% at home (I don't need to get out much for my own needs), and perfectly in order (yes, I'm that person who used to use a toothbrush on the baseboards... compulsively... and still do when I have time). The other day I realized that I had never dealt with the nursing-in-public issue with my first son... because we never went anywhere but church! Seriously! We didn't do parks, the library, anything. I was too busy trying to keep up with my pre-kiddo housekeeping and cooking standards. Now that baby #2 is here and my standards are 10% of what they used to be (on a good day), we are out of the house all the time - park, library, playdates, etc. - which is a really good thing. And I'm learning to get over embarrassment at public nursing! (While I am a discreet nurser, I do not believe it is reasonable to ask a mother to nurse in a public bathroom - yuck! - or give baby formula, or make baby wait till the family goes home. There is nothing wrong with modest public nursing! But let's not get started, because we'd be here a while.) So life is different, life is changing, and I'm trying to go along with the flow. What an adventure!!

Speaking of life changing, I am gradually (and nervously) starting to research elementary schools as I move away from the homeschooling life. In two weeks I have two school tours scheduled, and I am hoping to have answers by then for what we want to do. I hope so! Being in limbo is nerve-wracking.

I hope that everyone is well! Much, much love to everyone!!!