19 weeks, 2 days: Finally, A Decision

Yesterday I got fed up with myself and just called and got an ultrasound appointment. It's for next Thursday afternoon, so I'll post after we get our results (which probably won't be for a day or two after that, as the results will go to our midwife, not to us). It should be interesting!

This decision-making process has been an interesting experience. Most mums are wondering, "What's all the fuss about?", as most people get ultrasounds these days, but it's a personal thing. I don't want an ultrasound, don't believe in routine ultrasound for all babies, and am distrustful of prenatal diagnostic testing all around (especially since most of it these days seems to be geared toward discovering and killing non-perfect babies; also because it can disrupt bonding between baby & mum because the mum is so fearful and distracted waiting for test results). But for some reason, I have not been able to find peace about not having an ultrasound this time. Most of the time I would just dismiss it casually out of hand (like I did last time), but not this time. I just keep going in a circle of "I don't want an ultrasound, so I'm not going to have one..." and then five seconds later going back to "I wonder if I should have an ultrasound?" So I'm just going to go ahead and do it.

However, I'm terrified of a tech slipping on gender! So I am going to ask that we stop talking once she starts scanning. I don't care if I see any pictures - but I would be heartbroken if we found out the gender by mistake.

Otherwise, we're having a great Holy Week! Went to a nice Good Friday service last night and are looking forward to spending Easter morning with our church family tomorrow. We did DS's first-ever egg hunt this morning - it was raining, so we did it on our porch instead of our yard, and it took all of three minutes (he caught on quickly!) but it was fun, and I was quite proud of myself for doing something holiday-ish (I normally ignore all holiday trappings - a bad habit).

Happy Easter, everyone!

19 weeks, 0 days: Time is Moving Too Quickly!

I'm ready for time to slow down now.

I'm feeling pretty good most of the time, and I'm past the point where I'm praying for time to move faster so that I can feel better... I can feel baby move now... Life is good. I'm ready for time to stop moving so I can take some time to enjoy this baby! But of course, now that I want it to slow down, things seem to be speeding up. I can't believe we've already hit 19 weeks!

We saw our wonderful midwife team last night and had a total blast. We got to meet the practice's newest apprentice, Jennifer, whom we like very much, and just spent an hour chatting and asking questions.

I got all of my ultrasound questions answered, which was nice.... But I'm no closer to making a decision. Unfortunately, it's crunch time! We have two weeks in this particular window left, so I'll have to be snappy about it. Will post whenever I finally do make up my mind... (Probably about a week after baby is born...)

I have also decided that I need to start interviewing student (i.e. "free") doulas. After talking to our midwives, I realized that much as I would love to have my two professional doula friends at our birth, I probably don't really need them, much as I want them - we're having a homebirth and it's a second baby, so (1) I know what to expect, and (2) I don't need that extra protection that hospital mums need in what is usually an intervention-heavy atmosphere. I'm kind of bummed, but the truth is that we simply can't afford them - and I don't know them well enough to ask them to attend as friends. So we'll probably save our money for pregnancy photography and just go with a student doula.

And now we have to wait a whole five more weeks before we get to go in again! (should have been four, but we can't make it that week) Bummer!!! I can't wait till we get to the every 2 weeks point. Honestly, half of wanting another baby has been wanting to see our midwives! People think we're crazy until they have a midwife-attended birth, and then they get it. So we're really not that nuts... just enthusiastic! But I got a whole armful of books and videos, so at least I can keep busy. I got one I've been meaning to read for years, Goer's "Obstetric Myths vs. Research Realities" that I'm really looking forward to.

We're having a busy week with work, seeing our midwives, and our MOMS club events, plus all of usual life things. We're going to go to Good Friday service tomorrow and then do Easter at our church, and we're going to add an egg hunt for DS this year, which should be fun (candy! mmmm!!!!). We're also going to try to dye eggs if we can figure it out. DH and I have been really weak on setting up family and/or holiday traditions, but we know that they're important for our family and our son, so we're trying to work on doing more in that line.

Oh, and since this IS a hyperemesis blog, I should mention that my NVP is doing just fine. I'm only throwing up once or twice a week, and most of the time I feel..... decent, I guess... it really depends on the time of day and the day itself. I'm still dependent on Zofran/Unisom, but on the whole life is good.

Speaking of NVP, has anyone else experienced this? That is, a sharp increase in nausea while laying on one's back. I hadn't mentioned this, but I haven't been able to lay on my back since conception because it causes my nausea to skyrocket. Probably for the same reason one's not supposed to lay on one's back during pregnancy and/or labor - impaired blood flow. But it's interesting! So I stick a pillow under half of my back when I'm sleeping, so that I'm tilted one way or the other, and that seems to help.

Hope everyone is having a lovely week!

18 weeks, 0 days: First Forays Into Housecleaning

Here we are at 18 weeks! Hurray!

On Tuesday (17w, 5d) I got my first real live baby kicks - the kind I could feel with my hand. What a glorious moment! Unfortunately nothing that definite since, but I can definitely sense baby moving. I can't wait till we have the real, no-nonsense kicks all the time - when one can just lay there and watch one's tummy dance! So fun - the best part of pregnancy, I think.

Our visit with our midwives had to be put off again till next week, so it will have been six weeks in between visits. What a bummer!!! But I'm looking forward to seeing them.

We are having DH's entire family visiting this weekend, so yesterday I did my first bit of real housekeeping since about Christmas - I even washed a floor! Conclusion #1: It is HARD to clean house when one is dead tired! Conclusion #2: Cleaning a big house is a LOT harder of a job than cleaning a tiny apartment! How do you people with houses do it? Conclusion #3: Cleaning with a toddler in the house is somewhat pointless anyway. I'm sure I don't need to go into details. And a constantly-regurgitating cat doesn't make things easier either.

Normally I'm a paranoid mess when my in-laws visit, because my MIL and especially my SIL are model housekeepers of the first water. My SIL vacuums AND mops her entire house EVERY DAY - and her house really ought to be featured in a showroom. It's gorgeous. I love it. But though I'm an uptight housekeeper myself, my home has never even approached the heights that she reaches. So I'm normally a bit nervous! (Sometime when I have the time, I'll regale you all with the horrifying details of "The incident of my SIL and the imperfectly-cleaned cheese grater." It's a chilling tale.). But this time I'm just too tired to worry too much, so I'm just trying to chase away the biggest dust-rhinos and take the trash out, and hope people are satisfied. Thankfully I have an excuse!

Other than that, life just marches along! I'm starting to realize that settling into a house is an entirely different animal than moving into an apartment. I'll be surprised if we're done "settling" inside of three years. My friend Pat told me recently that she is just starting to feel "settled" after living in their house for 15 years, so perhaps it's not a bad thing.

Have a wonderful weekend, everyone! I'll check back in soon.

17 weeks, 2 days: Experiencing Sticker Shock

I guess I need to get out more.

In fact, I know I do! I had no idea things cost so much!!

We don't usually pay for services - we usually do without, do it ourselves, or barter for services. Except for occasional car repair, we just don't pay for services (though that will probably change with home ownership, I'm sure). So I guess I just wasn't prepared for how much things out there cost!

This week I decided to do a little harmless browsing and emailing to start estimating costs for the birth things I'd like to do - nothing serious, just some reconnaissance work. Yikes! I am now wondering how we'll afford any of it, let alone all of it (that went out the window with my first estimate). Of course, I still have tons more people to talk to to get their estimates, but here's how my first estimates look:

Childbirth classes: $200
Babysitting for childbirth classes: $150
Pregnancy Photography: $300
Birth Photography: $600
Professional Doula: $500 each

Considering that we really have a budget of ZILCH to start with, a lot of these things are going out the door!

We can get a student doula for free, which we may end up doing... But I do know two wonderful doulas who I would love to hire - but that would come to $1000 for just doula work alone!

So... We've got a lot of thinking to do. And planning. Too bad I can't just discover $2,000 lying on the street, labeled "Take me!" In lieu of that, we'll just have to discover our priorities.

Moving on....

I managed to cook my first-ever thing since Christmas - oatmeal - this past week, so I'm pumped! I know it'll take a couple more months before I can do something as revolting as onions or meat, but we're on the way. And we have DH's family visiting next weekend, so that has been a great impetus to move my housekeeping up from "non-existent" to "minimal," so that's another improvement! Give it another 10 weeks and who knows what heights I'll reach!

I hope that you all are having a terrific weekend! Love to all!

16 weeks, 6 days: Reporting on Results

Well, we did end up getting the call at 6 pm last night that our midwife had indeed been called to a birth - just in time for us to miss our visit! Bummer!! But at least we have it to look forward to again! I'll have to save my ultrasound questions for next week.

Anyhow, since we are kinda-sorta 'out of the woods' HG-wise (though I don't want to say that too loudly), I wanted to report in really quickly on the results of my HG protocol.

I do this with some trepidation, and I want any HG mums out there to remember the following: What did not work for me may just be the thing for you. So just because I say "this didn't work for me" is absolutely no reason not to try it. Please take everything with a grain (or a cup) of salt.

Finding remedies for NVP (nausea/vomiting of pregnancy) is rather difficult, for the following reasons:

(1) What works for mild/moderate NVP is usually useless for HG. For example, "eat dry crackers" may work fine for mild NVP. For an HG mum who can't eat anything without triggering a violent vomiting spell, it doesn't do a bit of good.

(2) NVP/HG is not predictable from pregnancy to pregnancy. It may stay the same, get better, or get worse - it's impossible to tell. Thus, when someone on the internet says, "I tried such and such, and I had no trouble at all the second time around!" it's just possible that she wouldn't have had any NVP anyhow, and that the remedy had nothing to do with it. Then again, she may have found her own miracle cure. But.....

(3) .... Remedies for NVP are usually highly individual, as stated above. What works for one mum may not work for another - or may make things worse! I found countless accounts on the web of "I tried {insert remedy here} and it cured me completely!" - but that is no guarantee of that remedy working for another mother.

(4) Since I don't have a "control" (i.e. an identical twin carrying a baby identical to mine under identical circumstances), I have no way to know whether or not some of the things that I did take and which seemed to be ineffectual might just have prevented the condition from being worse.

So, with all those caveats stated, here goes:

I never got around to trying these things, or trying them seriously:

* Acupuncture/Acupressure - too tired/sick to look around for a good practitioner, and didn't want to face the sticker price (most insurances, mine included, do not pay for any alternative medicine)

* Chiropractic Care

* MorningWell CD - kind of forgot about it

* Homeopathy - I did buy some Sepia 30C, and tried it a couple of times. I didn't notice any great difference, and gave up on it without going into it more seriously. The problem with homeopathy is that it is an incredibly complicated art, whose correct remedies depend both on the exact symptoms of the condition and the personal idiosyncrasies of the patient. There are at least 15 different homeopathic remedies for NVP/HG. My conclusion is that if one wants to try homeopathy for HG (and it can be wildly successful when it works - see the website Blooming Awful for homeopathy success stories for HG), one really needs to be under the guidance of a trained homeopath, preferably one with experience treating NVP.

* Herbs other than those listed below - there's a HUGE list of herbs for NVP, and I only got to about four of them.

These Things Were Counterproductive

* Breastfeeding - It works for some women. Not for me. Nursing while nauseated was... nauseating.

These Things Didn't Do Anything Noticeable

Another caveat, though... It's possible that without these things it could have been much worse. After all, my NVP this time was manageable with Zofran. It didn't go crashing out of control like it could have. So some of these things might be responsible for that fact.

* Omega-3's
* Milk Thistle
* Water with lemon
* Multivitamin
* Probiotics
* Legumes - Despite that article I posted, eating beans does NOT magically make NVP disappear (though it seemed to be an NVP-friendly food)

* Herbs - I tried the following herbs, with no noticeable improvement:

* Ginger: I tried dried ginger in pills (no improvement but caused heartburn and a dreadful aftertaste) and also as a syrup (tastes good, but no help)
* Wild Yam: Tried it as a tincture (put it in apple juice) and as a homemade decoction. No noticeable improvement, and I had to give up on it after a while because the smell and the taste were hideous. And with my pg-nose, I could smell that horrible stuff ANYWHERE in the house, even through the plastic bags. I had to get rid of it.
* Peach Leaf: Tried it as a tea. This is probably one of the worst-tasting herbs anywhere. Had to get rid of it for the same reasons as listed under wild yam. Blech. (But someone I know credits peach leaf tea with curing her severe NVP, so don't write it off.)
* Morning Sickness Balm by Mountain Meadow Herbs: They have some great testimonials on their site, but I didn't notice any improvement. This includes ginger, fennel, and peppermint tinctures.

One of the problems is that I don't like the taste or smell of herbal products even while non-pregnant. Herbal tea I always find repugnant. So adding nausea and a super-sensitive nose into the situation meant that herbal products were somewhat torturous to endure.

Also, a lot of the pills listed above were left off after a couple of weeks because I simply couldn't endure taking handfuls of pills every day (as Shonda Parker told me would probably be the case). So, as always, it's hard to tell what was helpful and what would have been helpful had I continued it.

I would probably try the same stuff above if I had it to do over again. You never know!

These Were Mildly Helpful

* Whole Foods Diet - This is a hard one, because if you have full-blown HG, you usually can't eat. So this is for mild/moderate NVP only. But since I could eat this time around, I did notice that processed foods made me sicker than whole foods. For example, though carb-only meals always made me sick, those that included high fructose corn syrup always made me much sicker than those with plain sugar (learned that switching between homemade and storebought pancake syrup). When I talked to Shonda Parker, she credited a pre-NVP whole-foods diet as the most important factor in NVP-prevention.

These Were Really Helpful

That's right, folks.... Cold, hard pharmaceuticals

* Zofran (Ondansetron)

* Bendectin replica (Unisom {doxylamine succinate} plus B-complex/B6)

Notes on Books

* Ashli McCall's Book "Beyond Morning Sickness: Battling Hyperemesis Gravidarum" was extremely helpful. I used it constantly as a reference for all topics HG-related, especially drug facts. If you want to go through another HG pregnancy, please get this book and keep it on hand.

* Miriam Erick's book "Managing Morning Sickness" was not as helpful. Her main advice, "Eat what sounds good" is kind of an intuitive thing anyway. You can definitely try it, though, if you want to keep up on what's out there.

And there you have it!

16 weeks, 5 days: The Journey Continues

A note to my readership: The nausea gods do not smile kindly on the arrogance of an NVP mother who blithely writes "I'm doing just fine" in her HG blog. After I wrote that last week, I spent most of the rest of the afternoon throwing up, LOL!!! So I will be more modest and unassuming in my writing from now on.

I have realized with a start that time is really passing on! There is a lot to do from here on out. I'm giving myself until week 20 before I need to get active, but after that the to-do list is somewhat endless.

First of all, I need to start assembling my birth team. That would be...

- Midwife or midwives (already done)
- Student midwife (already done)
- Doula(s) (need to do)
- Adult supervisor for DS (need to do)

When you add myself, DH and DS (plus baby!), that's a pretty big team! I was going to add in a birth photographer, but after finding out the rates for birth photography (yeeouchh!!!!), I have given up on that idea. I guess I'll delegate the job to DH. I have given him the assignment of finding out how to do good indoor low-light pictures, as last time's were pretty awful (grainy, blurry, dark, etc.).

Also on my to-do list....

- Buy a birth ball (freecycle has been unavailing)
- Sign up for childbirth classes and arrange for babysitting for DS
- Start exercising
- Start doing birth exercises
- Arrange for pregnancy photography

And a ton of other things! So hopefully I'll have the energy to get on that list in a few weeks.

We see our midwives tonight, hurray!!! That is, assuming they're not called out to a birth (and they'd better not be!!). We're really looking forward to that.

Hope you all are having a GREAT week!! Love to all!!

16 weeks, 2 days: My blog has a birthday!

Yes, my blog has turned 1!

Actually, a long time ago.... I forgot to check when I actually started this thing, and it was February 15 of 2008. So happy belated birthday!

I've had a lot of fun with this blog - it's been really good for me. I started it in order to be able to (1) collect and share my HG research (done), (2) provide information to other HG mothers (somewhat done), (3) process my own HG experience (somewhat done), (4) prepare for another pregnancy (not completed, but done anyway!), and (5) record my journey through another pregnancy (in process). So I'm happy with what has been accomplished!

My other blog, my birth blog, won't have its first birthday till this summer. That blog has been a great experience as well, and I've absolutely loved it.

I find it really interesting how different people react to trauma in their lives. I had what would be known in the HG world as the mildest-upon-mild case of HG - and yet I've needed the past three years (and more - I'm not done) to work through it and process the experience. And yet, a year or so ago, I accidentally met another HG mother at a party who had the worst-of-the-worst HG in a pregnancy which nearly took her life, and she had had no such instincts. She had done no research, no reading, had never heard of Ashli McCall (author of "Beyond Morning Sickness: Battling Hyperemesis Gravidarum"), hadn't spent any time on hyperemesis.org, and was content to let bygones be bygones. (Part of that may have been due to the fact that the severity of her experience forbade her from ever trying to have another child, so preparing for another pregnancy wasn't a necessity or an interest for her.) But anyway, it's interesting! Some people can move on, and some people need to work through things for a long time. I guess I'm one of the latter - and this blog has been very helpful in that.

I'm doing just fine right now. I have even avoided throwing up for the past 48 hours or so, hurray!!! Zofran is a wonderful thing. I don't feel terrific, but that's fine - that will come. I only have a few miserable hours a day (right now, that is, it still fluctuates) and feel mildly nauseated all day - but it could be a lot worse! Last time at this point I wasn't even eating solid food, LOL!!! So I am very grateful. Baby is still fluttering, and I'm hoping that he/she will make himself more firmly known one of these days - I love baby kicks!

Still undecided on the ultrasound issue....

Well, DS is awake, so I'd better go! Love to all, and have a terrific weekend!