Life Update, and Various HG Thoughts

Greetings, mes amies! It has been forever since I've done a "life update," so I thought I should check in, having a rare bit of free time (that is, time that I really ought to be doing something useful but will allot to blogging).

So, what's been going on around here?

Beats me.

Seriously, motherhood has messed with my mind. I am busy 24/7, around the clock, always-always-always busy. And yet I can never come up with anything when someone says "So, what have you been up to lately?"

I usually have to respond with a blank stare while my mind does an (unsuccessful) review of the recent past... coming up with nothing other than meals, childcare, housework, dishes, laundry, etc. etc. etc.

But life is full! Life is good! Life is a constant challenge, a constant stretch, as I continually pursue this new and foreign career of motherhood. Every day is a challenge in a way that I never could have dreamed pre-kidlets.

But in terms of specifics, you've got me there.

We have spent a lot of our time lately being sick. Our eldest missed his last two weeks of preschool being sick, and the two adults of the family had a cold earlier this week, the vestiges of which are still on their way out.

The most important and grievous event of the month was, as I posted earlier, the death of our dear friend Kay, whose terminal cancer prognosis of "eight months" became something like "six weeks," and who left us early last week. We miss her so much.

Kay's memorial service was today, and it was absolutely beautiful. It was definitely the largest I've ever seen - somewhere in between three and four hundred people. A reflection of the beautiful woman whose life was celebrated!

Being that we still had the leftovers of a cold, we sat in the back by ourselves and left right after the service, skipping the reception, but I was so glad that we got to attend.

In the car afterwards, DH and I both spontaneously started talking about how memorial services like these (those done for people who have lived their lives excellently) are so convicting and inspiring. They make us want to focus our lives more clearly on Christ, to live for the Gospel, to reach out to those who need love and care - rather than focusing on selfish pursuits, hobbies, self-interest, etc. It really helps to refocus and rethink the spiritual direction of one's own life when you see the end-result of the life of someone who has really "run the race and finished the fight" in such an excellent way.

After this big weekend, the coming week will focus on our upcoming trip to California... assuming that neither of the children comes down with our cold, in which case our trip would probably be moved or scrapped. Not that I would regret that at the moment - I'm so tired!!! But I know we'll have fun when - and if! - we get there.

Speaking of being tired!

One of my main yowls about motherhood is simply that one does not get downtime while sick! Can I get an amen?? Regardless of how sick one is, the amount of dishes, meals, discipline, playtime, baths, needs-needs-needs-needs stays 100% the same. And saying "Mummy is sick right now and can't play with you" is a sermon that falls on deaf and uncomprehending ears. I know it will get better with older children, but with the younger kidlets, it is exhausting.

Which actually, though unintentionally, brings me to a topic which I wished to discuss! (If anyone has made it thus far through this long and monotonous monologue.)

I have been wanting to write on the topic/theory/philosophy/etc. of.... (dum dum da da dum)..... TTC.

That's right. Fertility aficionados who are in-the-know recognize what I'm talking about.

For everyone else - TTC means "trying to conceive," also known as "being open to children." (In case I didn't make the topical connection well enough, it is that TTC = HG = being very, very sick.)

The question being, of course - Should we? Should we not? Do we even want to? (The answer to that one depends on the day.) Would we be idiots to even consider such a thing? (Yes, probably.)

(And I should say now that we are not really considering this for the immediate future - this is really for future reference.)

Over the past six months, as I've written, I have had four "life questions" in my heart which I have done my best to turn over to God (since He knows the answers!) and to stop thinking about, since I can run myself in circles tormenting myself with unanswered questions that I can't peacefully resolve. Those questions were (1) which church should we attend?, (2) should we school or homeschool?, (3) should we ever consider having any more children?, and (4) what eventual role should I play in the birth community?

Believe it or not, I believe that God has given us answers on #1 and #2.... peaceful answers, with agreement and harmony between DH and myself, and answers that we did not have to hack out with blood and sweat and tears (my usual method) but which were really "given" peacefully over a period of time.

(Aren't you dying of curiosity to know our answers? No? Ah, well. But I shall write on them anyway - another day.)

Question #4 is just as enigmatic and elusive as ever, but I believe that it will stay that way for some time, as it's probably years down the road.

But question #3.... Ah, question #3.

Here are three truths I have written out regarding question #3:

(1) I would love to have one or more additional children. (In fact, were it not for HG, I would probably be a Quiverfull mother and on baby #4 or so by now).

(2) Humanly speaking, it would probably be foolish for us to have any additional children, being that I am unable to cook, clean, discipline, or otherwise care for home and children during a large part of my pregnancy.

(3) As to what God would have us do, I am completely clueless.

I do know that God works in ways that are completely foreign to human wisdom, and that acting with human wisdom can be completely wrong. For example, someone told me once that a special needs child should be aborted so that he wouldn't be a burden on the rest of the family and cause "adverse effects" on their welfare. That is human wisdom at its worst. God can work through so many ways that are foreign to us, so I don't want to write that off. And I can say quite truly that having a second baby (surprise!!!) was a wonderful thing for our family, even though I was doubtful about that fact while I was nauseated and vomiting over and over and over.

Would a third baby be the same?

Or would it be wisest to stop here?

I really don't know. The thought of never having another child grieves me terribly, while the though of having another child scares me to death.

I think most HG mothers know the feeling.

Here's something (sort of) funny that happened a few months ago.

Sometime before Christmas, we had our first real postpartum pregnancy scare. Or rather, I had a pregnancy scare. DH was clueless! (He always is until I show him the positive pregnancy test.)

And here's how it went:

One moment, I would convince myself that I probably was pregnant. My thoughts would run:

Oh God, please, no. I can't do this. I just can't do this. Please don't let me be pregnant. How can I care for a high-energy four-year-old and a special-needs two-year-old when I'm so nauseated that I can't eat, can't move, can't do anything? Please, oh please, don't let me be pregnant. Oh God, I don't know what to do. Please, God, don't let this be true.

Then, the next moment, I would convince myself that I really wasn't pregnant. Then my thoughts would switch to:

Oh, okay. I'm not pregnant, I guess. Gosh, that's too bad. I really would have liked to be pregnant. I miss being pregnant. I'm sure we could have worked it out somehow. It wouldn't have been so bad. We could have pulled it off. I wish I had been pregnant.

Then I would switch back and forth between the two. Constantly. Twenty-four hours a day. Considering that I can go back and forth several times during a three-minute period, it was the quick way to self-tormenting insanity. And it stayed like that all week until the arrival of my cycle proved that I really had been fussing over nothing.

Sometimes I think that finding out that one is pregnant is easier than the waiting.... One now has to face the enemy square-on and fight him, rather than waiting to hear his knock at the door. "Is this it? Is it now?"

My goodness, I wish that I didn't have HG. I wish this problem would go away, or never have happened. I would happily have had ten children with nary a care, and I'd be on at least #4 by now.

Though I will say that HG has brought some incredible blessings into my life, and some lessons that I badly needed to learn. I've posted a bit on that in the past, and I'm going to post more on it when I have time. I needed the life lessons that HG had to teach me. (This isn't to say I'd like to learn them again! Nor is it to say that all HG women have the same life lessons to learn.... God uses individual circumstances to minister to individuals, and the purposes of HG in each woman's life can be incredibly diverse.)

But all that to say, that we do not have an answer to our question. Should we be trying to conceive, be open to children when we feel the Lord's leading, or just be completely done?

I don't know. But I am praying for a peaceful decision on this matter, with perfect agreement between myself and DH, so that we can move into the future and out of this "are we done? are we not?" limbo.

HG mothers of the world, how have you solved this dilemma?

I should add that I am completely in sympathy both with HG mothers who choose to end their ability to conceive permanently, and with those mothers who choose to continue having babies. I am on-board with both of you! So please do not read this post as a judgment on either side, because it is not.

As always, comments and questions are welcome, but only those which are civil, kind, and friendly. Unkind or rude comments are, as always, deleted without reply.

Have an awesome Sabbath, everyone! I am on Day 4 of my "no sugar for Lent" commitment, and have only cheated once! (And I was sick at the time.... I plead temporary insanity.)

Hyperemesis, Vitamin B, and Magnesium

I found this article recently and thought it was quite interesting:

THE MAGIC OF B COMPLEX-B12 AND MAGNESIUM INJECTIONS

Interesting because (1) it's simple therapy, widely available, and (2) it's written by a doctor who actually used the treatment with hyperemetic patients (i.e. it's not just vague theorizing).

Thoughts, anyone?

***

Over here, we are going through yet another round of illness - it's been insane around here this past month! I am victim #1, and DH looks like he's going to be victim #2. Fun stuff!

Have a great Ash Wednesday, everyone! I am giving up sugary stuff for Lent, so we'll see how that goes! I've already cheated with gummy vitamins (I could live off of those things!) and bread with honey, but I did give myself permission to eat honey and dried fruit and not to be too Nazi-ish about the whole thing. But the entire 40 days without dessert? We'll see.

***

Later note:

I am reprinting this article below, which I had THANKFULLY copied into a document, as the link is now dead:



THE MAGIC OF B COMPLEX-B12 AND MAGNESIUM INJECTIONS 
Dr. George M. Wolverton

 Early in my medical career, my family medical practice included obstetrics. During that time, I delivered approximately 1800 babies. Oftentimes pregnant women in the first trimester would get nausea of pregnancy, or morning sickness. Sometimes an even more unpleasant—and potentially dangerous—condition would develop.


Hyperemesis Gravidarum: “Extended Morning Sickness”

In those days it was not uncommon for a condition called Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG) to develop. This is a situation where nausea with the first trimester of pregnancy continues with vomiting during the rest of the pregnancy.

The cause of HG is still not fully understood, but the condition is potentially dangerous for both mother and fetus. The pregnant woman often loses weight and becomes dehydrated, leading to nutritional deficiencies (including depletion of B vitamins) and other problems. Sometimes these women need to be hospitalized for up to a week or more to control the condition.

Treatment with Vitamin Injections 

Though Hyperemesis Gravidarum was fairly common at Clark County Hospital in those days, my practice rarely saw full-fledged cases of the condition. At the first sign of nausea, I instructed patients to receive weekly injections of betaline or Vitamin B Complex with B-12. I gave them extra Vitamin B-6 in the form of supplements. In addition, I would give them shots of magnesium, which is the cation of youth and which makes intracellular function so much better that the nausea of pregnancy would usually leave.

I would also give these women zinc with the first nausea of pregnancy. Well over 95% of patients fail our zinc taste test to determine zinc deficiency, meaning that most people are deficient in zinc. Utilizing the injections and supplements usually helped women get over their HG relatively quickly, giving them an opportunity to enjoy their pregnancy without “tossing their cookies.”

Vitamin Injections for Fatigue and Other Ailments 

I stopped delivering babies in 1983 and actually missed not doing so. As my practice began to age, people would come in with brain fog, chronic fatigue, and generally not feeling very well. I realized that the magnesium and B Complex injections, which had been so helpful for pregnant women, would also benefit many of my other patients.

I would show my patients how to give themselves injections of magnesium on a daily basis and also betaline and B-12 shots every other day, providing that they had enough internal fortitude to do so. Are the shots painful? Yes, but we teach patients how to use a local anesthetic called procaine in the injections so that the pain is not great. However, doing the injections does require you to be “captain of your own ship and master of your own fate,” as the old poem says.

Patients on vitamin injections would often come back to the office several weeks later, saying that they felt like they had dramatically improved. Much of the time, patients on this regimen will feel so much better that they are almost radiant when they come in, merely from “being their own doctor” and giving themselves their own shots.

Of course, I insisted that they follow our wellness program, which avoids chemicals in the food chain by eating organically. I also encouraged these patients to follow our Chelation Therapy program.


Specific Benefits of B Vitamins and Magnesium 

Vitamin B actually consists of several separate but interrelated water-soluble vitamins that are important for cell metabolism. The B Complex mixture we use in injections is a combination of several of these: thiamine (B-1), riboflavin (B-2), niacin (B-3), dexapanthenol or pantothenic acid (B-5), and pyrodoxine (B-6). We also include Vitamin B-12, or cyanocobalamin.

B vitamins help improve energy and are often helpful for people with problems like Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, anemia, depression, memory trouble, and neurological problems like polyneuritis, among others.

 God (the Great Physician) knows all three trillion of the estimated biochemical exchanges going on in each cell of the body. Science only knows how to test approximately 1000 of these biochemical exchanges. B vitamins are believed to be effective in about one out of each five of the known biochemical exchanges in the body. I tell patients who come in with a battery of test results that are all normal—even though the patients feel horrible, with much fatigue and brain fog—that their biochemical deficiencies are quite possibly in the areas that can be corrected by these shots. We may not fully understand why they work, but the Great Physician does. We just know that they do work a large percentage of the time.

 Magnesium is also vital to cellular functions. I call magnesium the “cation of youth” because it helps keep the body’s cells young and working properly. Deficiency in this important mineral is relatively common. Magnesium helps with feelings of overall well-being. It tends to have a calming effect and thus can be useful to ADHD patients and also people with high blood pressure. In fact, when a patient comes in to our office with dangerously high blood pressure, oftentimes one of the first things I will do is to give them a magnesium injection, which helps the blood pressure come down relatively quickly. Magnesium injections often help people with headaches and migraines, in addition to many neurological and other issues.

 Sublingual B Complex and Magnesium 

For patients who for various reasons are not able to take these vitamin injections, sublingual, or under the tongue, drops of B Complex/B-12 and magnesium are available. I believe these drops are not as helpful as the injections, which deliver the nutrients directly to the tissues. However, the drops are better than nothing.

 The problem with taking the sublingual solution as opposed to the shots is that the shots deliver the nutrients into your body in 17 seconds, bypassing the “war zone” of the stomach and liver. It is the speed with which the nutrients get into the body that dislodges the “cation of aging” (calcium) from its intracellular place where it has replaced magnesium, which is supposed to be inside the cell. Calcium is supposed to be outside the cell. Chelation Therapy also helps magnesium and calcium stay in their proper places in the body.

 It is my conviction that the real magic of magnesium and Vitamin B Complex/B-12 injections is that they help the body to better function the way it was intended to function. These injections helped me successfully treat pregnant women with Hyperemesis Gravidarum without having to put them in the hospital, even with 1800 delivery patients. The injections have also helped countless other patients with a wide range of symptoms and diagnoses. After all, we all need more intracellular energy so that we can live longer, better, and accomplish our impossible dream, as they sing in The Man of La Mancha: 


To dream the impossible dream 
To fight the unbeatable foe 
To bear with unbearable sorrow 
To run where the brave dare not go […] 
To fight for the right 
Without question or pause 
To be willing to march into Hell 
For a heavenly cause

A Really Boring Entry

Believe it or not, I spent a long time thinking about how to title this entry. You wouldn't know it to look at the end result, but I did.

The original title was "How to Prevent Hyperemesis." But, since I really don't know the answer to that conundrum, I didn't want to give anyone that burst of false hope, thinking that I have some wonderful news (which I don't!).

Then I thought that I would call it "Don't Get Excited." But what do we do when someone says "Don't get excited, but...." We get excited, of course! So that title was tossed out.

I finally settled on the most commonplace, boring title that I could come up with, and here it is: "A Really Boring Entry."

Because while the original title "Preventing Hyperemesis" is sensational, the entry itself has nothing much to say.

I have no answers.

But I do have... snippets. Leads. Lines of potential research for HG mamas to look into. And if you find something, for goodness' sake - let me know! I am just going to provide the links and the random ideas. I have no idea if any of them can lead to something concrete, or if they are all rabbit trails.

And, of course, I am talking prevention here. Not mitigation. If you look up "how to prevent morning sickness," almost 100% of the articles that will come up focus on "how to calm down the morning sickness you already have" - and I have blogged tens of articles on this site about everything from breastfeeding to herbs to chiropractic care - things that have helped mamas deal with morning sickness/NVP/HG when it presents. This is about prevention.

And all of these assume that you will be doing something pre-conception, meaning planning ahead.

(1) Detox

A couple of years ago, when we were thinking of starting to TTC (try to conceive), I went to a naturopathic doctor to see if she had any recommendations for preventing HG. She recommended a pre-conception detox regimen, which I did (however, we didn't conceive till over a year later, so it wouldn't have done any good).

There are hundreds of detox regimens out there, but they all follow the same basics - a very clean diet, usually with the elimination of sugar and/or grains and/or meat, along with various herbs and supplements for boosting your body's vitamin/mineral levels and overall health.

And I find it fascinating that two of the three "detoxifying herbs" listed in the Jan/Feb 2011 Sprouts Magazine - milk thistle and dandelion - are herbs also listed for treatment and/or prevention of morning sickness. Coincidence?

The magazine (p.8) notes that these herbs specifically support liver function. Pregnancy is said to put a stress on the liver because of all the additional metabolic by-products that are pumped into the mother's system. Perhaps the two go together? Healthy liver, easier time dealing with morning sickness?


This is one of those things that really can't hurt to try. Even if it doesn't do a thing for HG-prevention, it certainly can't hurt to start pregnancy healthier and with a cleaner, more energetic system.

(2) Diet from a Florida Doctor

A couple of months ago, this story broke on my blog... it was big news, at least for me! Bottom line: There is a fertility doctor, currently practicing in Florida, who developed a very-low-carb (VLC) diet that he uses to improve transfer-success rate for his IVF clients. He noticed that the diet had other unintended benefits - women reported that they had many health problems resolve, such as headaches.... and morning sickness. Even severe morning sickness. He told me, via email, that one woman who had aborted seven times for HG was able to successfully carry to term after using this diet.

Head on over to the above link to read both my article and the original article (hosted on another doctor's blog) to get the full scoop. 

Only caveat is that the diet is extremely difficult. So far, it's been beyond me. But you are welcome to try it, and if you want the diet sheets, leave me your email and I'll email them over. Please note that you need at least a few months pre-conception to get settled into the diet and let your body stabilize.

And remember, there are no promises. Just because this has helped other women doesn't mean that it's entirely guaranteed to help you. Please don't neglect to make plans or prepare like you would normally.

(3) Alkalinizing Diet

Busca over at Birth Faith wrote a fascinating article on preventing morning sickness, which you can see here.
(This also links into the detox theory.) It is absolutely fascinating stuff, and I am trying to learn more. I have recently gotten through reading the two books she recommended, "The pH Miracle" and "Green for Life", and am learning a lot about alkalinization and the alkaline diet. Much more to learn, but there is a lot of potential. Check out her article, as well as the comments below it.

I find it interesting that one of the most commonly prescribed morning sickness remedies, lemon water, is also something highly prized in the "alkalinizing community" - it is a highly alkalinizing drink. (Am I the only one around here having trouble typing out the word "alkalinizing?) A possible coincidence, maybe not.  

(4) Get Your Body Ready

This means make sure nothing's wrong, your vitamin levels are up, etc. Parts of this could include:

a - Blood Work: Quoting from "Island of Grief, Mountain of of Joy": "Get Full blood work done (addisons disease, H.pylori, thyroid, iron count, vitamin deficiency –especially B)"

b - Take vitamins/minerals/supplements: Omegas/Fish Oil, Vitamin D, Vitamin B, whatever!!! Here is a fascinating article about the efficacy of magnesium and B-vitamin injections for treating HG.

c - Take herbs, such as milk thistle

d - Cleanse/Detox per above

e - Clean up your diet. Unfortunately, "a healthy diet" means so many different things to so many different people. For me, it would look like all-organic, non-GMO diet that tried my best to avoid a number of unhealthy items such as sugar. Right now my diet, though relatively healthy and whole/clean-food, doesn't look like that... because I have huge sugar addictions! And I love to bake! And I love carbs! As a matter of fact, I'm thinking of giving up sugary foods for Lent to try to get a handle on that very thing. More later. 

f - You can take a look at my protocol, which included a lot of pre-conception to-do items. And while it wasn't horribly successful, please remember that our baby was a "surprise!!!!" baby, so I did not have time to do most of the pre-conception items.

A few years back, I read Shonda Parker's excellent book "The Naturally Healthy Pregnancy." She is a wonderful woman and an amazing midwife, herbalist, author and health professional. She is also both a hyperemesis mother and what may be termed a Quiverfull mother, meaning that her family does not practice any form of birth control - with the end result that she has a large number of beautiful children!

Mrs. Parker experienced HG with her first baby, when she was not an experienced herbalist or health professional of any sort, and she wrote in her book (I think! Don't quote me, this was a couple of years ago) that she learned how to better support her body with diet and herbs and did not experience HG again until something like her seventh baby, and that was the symptom that tipped her off to the fact that her gallbladder was diseased and non-functioning (and her body thus couldn't handle the pregnancy by-products as well). Grab her book to read up on it (unfortunately, she does not give a lot of details).

To be honest, I don't have a lot of faith in any of these.... "Island of Grief, Mountain of Joy" wrote that she feels like her body has an allergy to pregnancy hormones, and I feel the same way. And the thought of getting pregnant again really scares me (more on this later) because it was so much quicker and harder the second time around - like my body is getting progressively more reactive to pregnancy hormones. With #1 I didn't get nauseated till sometime in late week 4 or week 5... with #2 it was somewhere around 3 1/2 weeks. I don't even want to know where it would go next time... unless one of the above worked for me, after which I would happily have twenty more.

But it's late enough, so I will quit for now!

Does anyone else have any other ideas, comments, leads, questions, things to throw? Please do let me know.

In the meantime, Happy Sabbath to you all! Prayers to those of you dealing with HG right now, and good wishes to all of you who are TTC or planning to TTC. May we be blessed with answers! And in the meantime, let the research begin!

Remembering Kay Williams

You wouldn't know it to read this blog lately, but I actually don't cry very often. It's actually really rare - I have to be super-joyful, super-angry, or super-grieving.

So with that in mind, I didn't expect - for the second time in two weeks - to be sitting in front of my computer with tears streaming down my face as I opened Facebook and learned of the death of a near and beloved friend, Kay Williams, this time from fast-acting cancer.

Kay Williams was a sweet, godly woman who has blessed our lives for the past six years. She was, to my best memory, the first person we met when we came to our church. I remember her standing in the foyer, holding a basket of visitor bread, smiling her sweet and welcoming smile while we bombarded her with questions. And that is how I always see her - with a gentle and serene smile, a calm in the storm, an ever-constant loving presence.

With Husband Chris

Kay was one of those who was truly a backbone to the church - providing help, supporting younger women, providing help to hurting families. I have heard it said that the modern church is suffering from a lack of godly older women to mentor younger women in the ways of home and family.... however true in general, this was not true of my former church (it was oozing with godly older women), and Kay was one of those wonderful godly women who mentored all of us younger women. She was an example, and her life was a goal to reach for. She inspired all of us to live the Proverbs 31 life.

Dearest Kay, we will miss you so much. But I am so glad that you are now free from the cancer which has plagued you off and on for years upon years, and that you can now rest in the presence of your Savior.

I have never thought of Facebook as a source of literature, but when I saw the post-after-post list of tributes rolling in from church family, I couldn't think of a fitter tribute, which I'd like to share:

Grieving the loss of a sister in the Lord that battled cancer, but inspired by her life and example. I will see you again Kay. (Karen)

Miss you Kay. You were always such an inspiration to me. You had such a servant heart. (Barb)

God asked one of the best and sweetest women to come home today. It is truly our loss and my heart is very heavy tonight. Bless you dear Kay, I am glad you are now Home. You will be missed, dearly missed, you wonderful woman. Thank you for being a light unto me and my son. (Angela)

We'll miss you, Kay. Thanks for being such a good example to all of the rest of us. (Jennifer)

(S)addened by the loss of a dear friend this afternoon. The timing of my trip to Arizona last month was no coincidence. Kay, I am so thankful for the few minutes we got to spend together. You will forever be missed. God took an amazing, beautiful woman but we are all comforted in knowing that you are now pain-free and we will one day see you again. (Miranda)

I know that Jesus wanted you home with Him, but you will be missed, Kay. (Kim)

The angels are always near to those who are grieving, to whisper to them that their loved ones are safe in the hand of God. ~Quoted in The Angels' Little Instruction Book by Eileen Elias Freeman, 1994 - Goodbye dear Kay, we will miss you! The world needs more Godly women like you! You were very LOVED by all who knew you! (Aurielle)

So, if you were with me tonight, I'd sing to you just one more time. A song for a heart so big, God wouldn't let it live. May angels lead you in, Mrs. Williams. (Amber)

One of God's sweetest women is now at peace and cancer-free, but I am going to miss her terribly. (Diana - me)

I am at a loss right now. I just found out via Facebook that the woman that was the closest thing I've ever had to a mentor has gone to be with Jesus. I have so many mixed feelings right now. I will miss you, Kay, and look forward to the day that I will see you whole and healed, standing in the presence of Jesus. (Kelly)

(G)rieving the loss of an incredible woman of God today - she was such a blessing in my life and to so many others, as well. 1 Corinthians 15:50-57 (Rebecca)

Last month with Arizona's Newest Snowflake Baby

***


And to close, I wanted to share some of Kay's recipes which have blessed our families for years:


Cheese Puffs
Kay Williams, December 2010

One large loaf Wonder Bread or store brand white sandwich bread
3/4 c. mayonnaise
1/2 container (5 oz.) of fresh grated parmesan cheese
1/2 small brown onion, minced
3 dashes of white pepper

Cut Wonder bread into circles with 1-1 1/2" circles. Place on cookie sheet. Mix remaining ingredients in bowl. Spread lightly on top of bread circles. Bake at 400 degrees approximately 10 minutes. Tops should be golden brown.


Coffee Cake
Kay Williams, January 2007

2 c. flour
1 c. sugar
1/2 c. brown sugar
1 tsp. soda
1 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. salt
1 tsp. cinnamon
1 c. buttermilk
2/3 c. vegetable oil
2 eggs, beaten


Topping

1/2 c. sugar
1/2 c. chopped pecans
1 tsp. cinnamon
1/2 tsp. nutmeg

Mix all coffee cake ingredients together. Sprinkle with topping and refrigerate overnight. Bake at 350 degrees for 30-40 minutes. After baking, drizzle a mixture of powdered sugar, milk, butter and vanilla for frosting.


Rum Cake
Kay Williams, January 2007

1 box yellow cake mix
1 pkg. instant vanilla pudding mix
4 eggs
1/2 c. vegetable oil
1/2 c. water
1/2 c. rum

Mix together & pour into greased, floured bundt pan which has 1 c.
chopped pecans sprinkled in bottom. Bake at 350 for 50-60 minutes.


Topping

1/4 pound butter
1/4 c. water
1 c. sugar
1/4 c. rum

Boil for three minutes & spoon over cake as soon as it comes out of the oven. Cool for about 20 minutes, loosen with a knife and turn onto a serving plate.


Kay Williams' Broccoli Salad
All amounts are approximate

2 bunches broccoli
1 cup chopped nuts
1 cup grated cheese
1 cup raisins or craisins
1/4 cup minced onion

Sauce:
1/2-1 cup mayonnaise
1/4 cup sugar
2 Tbsp. red wine vinegar

Mix salad; mix dressing and add. The recipe says to add the nuts just before serving, but I just add them with everything. Good if it sits a bit before serving.

***

We are so grateful for Kay's presence in our lives and the blessing she has been to our family and to our church. Go with God, dear friend. We will see you again.

From the Past: Story of a Miscarriage

I put that "from the past" bit in the title to prevent anyone from panicking! I am not pregnant, nor have I miscarried recently - this is the story of the loss of our first child, five and a half years ago.

I have been meaning to write the story out for quite some time, and this seems like a good time. DH is watching whatever those yearly movie awards are - I never can remember - and I am waiting to see if the vague nausea I've been feeling all evening is going to go away, or morph into a real stomach bug. I'm voting for the former.

And so, the story.

* Warning: The following, while not particularly graphic, is a child-loss story that may contain triggers for those mamas who have experienced loss by miscarriage/stillbirth/abortion. Read with caution if that is the case. 

First of all, after my miscarriage, I was shocked to find out how incredibly common miscarriage is. Before we lost our child, I had only heard of miscarriage in a vague, theoretical, "never really happens in real life" sort of way. After my miscarriage, I was shocked at the sheer number of women who came up to me and told me their child-loss stories.

In fact, over the past two years, at least three of my birth-blogging sisters have lost children to miscarriage or stillbirth. You can read their stories here: Kathy's Story, Kayce's Story, Kristen's Story.

In the group of six church women (myself included) who started our childbearing years together about six years ago, we have lost a total of eight children: one ectopic pregnancy, one early miscarriage following spontaneous conception, one later miscarriage following spontaneous conception (mine), one miscarriage of twins following successful embryo adoption transfer, and three babies whose embryo adoption transfers were unsuccessful.

So miscarriage is very common. But it's not acknowledged or talked about very often. Even I fall into this trap. When people ask "How many children do you have?" I tend to say "two," even though I am very pro-life and fully believe in the existence and humanity of my now-in-heaven first child.

I rejoice whenever a woman writes out her miscarriage story, because it helps other women know that they are not alone... that many women have traveled this hard path before.

And so, my miscarriage:

Shortly after we found our church home here in the valley, a new friend of ours, Laura, announced her pregnancy. We had been married a year and a half, and couldn't think of any reason why we shouldn't get started with our childbearing venture, so we looked at each other and said "Hey, why not? Let's go for it!"

So in March of 2005, I went off of birth control (I didn't know about the risks or the issues surrounding chemical birth control at the time.... we are no longer using this method of contraception - or any contraception at all, for that matter). We soon found that infertility was not one health problem that our family would face, because we were pregnant 2-3 months later - my last period was on May 31, 2005.

I remember that when my period started, we were in California, just preparing to come back to Arizona after a short trip. I was mega-disappointed, as I had hoped that "this" would be the month... but in fact, it was the following month. That was my last period before our little one joined us.

Now, I should give the diagnosis so that the rest will make sense: This pregnancy was a "blighted ovum" pregnancy, also called "early pregnancy loss." This means that the baby dies very early on in the pregnancy, but the "pregnancy," i.e. the sac, the hormones, etc., continue to grow - though usually at reduced rates. This results in an absence of pregnancy symptoms, or very reduced symptoms, and a miscarriage - when the body finally expels the sac - is inevitable and non-preventable.

Something that upsets me very much about current literature and/or practice with blighted ovum and/or "chemical pregnancies" is the notion that "there never was a baby." Yes, there is/was a child; it is just that the baby dies very early on, so that oftentimes when the issue is diagnosed, there is no visible child (because the death occurred weeks before). But there is no such thing as a pregnancy without a baby. Just wanted to clear that up.

Moving on!

After we could have reasonably expected my period to occur, and it didn't, we finally walked to the drugstore behind our apartments and bought some incredibly expensive pregnancy tests (now I get them for $1 apiece at Dollar Tree!). And the test was..... positive! Yippee!!

But it was faint. Very faint.

So we decided to wait a couple of days. We retested, and again, it was positive.... but the test was still faint. If this happened again, I would know what was happening... but at the time, we were just puzzled. "Okay, we're pregnant. I guess. Hurray!"

I had no pregnancy symptoms, except some possible chest enlargement that was so slight as to almost have been imaginary. We kept reading pregnancy symptom lists on the internet and saying, "Gosh, I guess we're just the lucky ones who don't have any pregnancy symptoms! This is cool.... I guess?"

The one symptom that I did have, eventually, was nausea. I didn't know it at the time, but this was a glimpse into the future. With a blighted ovum pregnancy, I should not have had noticeable nausea... and I did. It was moderate, nearly to the point of throwing up (but not quite), and steadily present. It was still in the "cute" category of pregnancy nausea - "cute" as in "I'm pregnant! And I'm nauseated! Isn't this cool? Look everyone, I have morning sickness! Hurray!" Not into the category of being so sick that I was hoping for death, a delightful experience that I would experience five months later as I entered the horrific and indescribable world of hyperemesis gravidarum. But at the time, I just thought it was cute.

We didn't tell any friends or church family about our pregnancy. For one thing, we thought that we were "supposed" to wait to tell people because "that's what everybody does." Also, looking back, I think I must have had an instinctual knowledge that something wasn't quite right. We had a feeling of unreality about the whole thing - "We're pregnant, but everything is just the same. What's going on?" We almost told friends several times, but never quite got around to it.

In mid-July, we interviewed our first set of midwives. At the time, we had only private insurance, so we had no maternity coverage. When I first started my research (much before this time), I had been under the mistaken belief (I was so incredibly ignorant) that "maternity" meant "hospital," and that our private insurance would still cover out-of-hospital midwife-attended birth. I was wrong, of course, but by the time I was done with my reading, I was absolutely sold on homebirth and wanted one regardless of what was covered and not covered. I was in love.

That is a decision, incidentally, which I have never regretted. Some of my decisions in life and parenting are decisions that I still feel torn on.... But with homebirth, I have absolutely no regrets, second-guessing, or questions. I found a niche, a passion, and a cause.... and a wonderful and safe method of birthing for our family. I am so thankful for that.

So we went into Phoenix to interview our midwives. An hour before we left, I injured my back, and so by the time we got to their office, I was in so much pain that I could hardly walk or sit down. But despite that, we fell in love with our midwives and with midwifery care, and had a great time.

That was also one of the first time that I saw a collection of birth photography, and I found it a bit shocking. Now that I'm used to the most candid and up-close birth photos, I try to think back to that moment to remind myself why non-birthy people sometimes find birth photography off-setting when I now find it beautiful.

(With our second baby, we didn't stay with these midwives because they were just too far away... we changed to another midwife closer to home. But we remained on good terms with this team, and one of those midwives actually ended up at our later birth as a back-up anyhow!)

But back to the story:

Sometime around seven weeks, we decided to tell our parents. I had had a plan devised for quite some time, and my husband agreed to it - we got blank greeting cards, wrote nothing but "Proverbs 17:6" in them, and mailed them to both sets of parents.

(Proverbs 17:6 - "Grandchildren are the crown of the aged")

And then.... we waited. Three days went by, and... nothing. No phone calls, no excited congratulations, nothing.

A week, then a couple more days went by.... we were thoroughly puzzled!

And then, a package arrived in the mail for us from my mom. It contained a baby blanket which had been hand-made for my own birth, and a card that said something like "Did I guess right?" My mom was a stinker! But it was a perfect answer to our card, and I loved it.

After that, DH called his parents and said, "Um, did you get our card?" His mom said, "Oh, yes, I got it, but I was just too tired to look up the verse, so we didn't." Oh, dear. So DH got to give the news over the phone: "Um, that verse was "Grandchildren are the crown of the aged." Get it? Grandchildren?" 

Enlightenment and congratulations followed.

A few days later, we called the rest of the family and let them know about the baby, and so were showered with love and congratulations. It was a lot of fun.

That was the end of the fun part. 

The next morning, July 28th, I went to work as normal. I was primarily a homemaker, but I worked a part-time job as the secretary of our church.

I felt fine, but when I went to use the restroom shortly after arrival (at 8:00 a.m.), I noticed that there were brown streaks on the toilet paper. Brown streaks. I was puzzled and a bit alarmed. Was this blood? Was everything okay?

So I went back into the office and called my midwife. She said to keep an eye on it, but that there was nothing to worry about unless the blood was red. It was just a matter of waiting.

My boss (also my pastor) was out of town at the time, so I was alone at the church. This was a very good thing, I'm afraid, because I spent most of the morning - in between spouts of actual work - frantically googling "brown blood while pregnant" and "miscarriage symptoms" etc. etc. etc. It was a good day to be alone.

I went to the bathroom several additional times to check, and there was no more blood of any color.

However, as the morning progressed, I started to feel... yucky. I can't quite remember all of the details, because it is a bit hazy, and it was also almost six years ago now. All I can say is that I started to feel.... off. Not well. Cramps, I think, vague nausea, and just a sense of ill-being that grew and grew with intensity. I just felt worse and worse.

However, oddly enough, I did not put the pieces together. I did not realize that this was the beginning of a miscarriage. I just wondered why I was feeling so badly.

Sometime around mid-day, our sweet worship director came into the office to make a few copies. She was her usual bright and breezy self, and she chatted cheerfully during the few moments the copier was buzzing. By that point, I was slumped against the door, staring blearily at her, and could only mumble idiotic monosyllables. I felt like dirt, I was having a hard time staying on my feet, and I could not carry on a rational conversation - but I don't think she noticed anything. She left in less than five minutes, and at that time I gave up trying to work till quitting time - I got my stuff and headed for my car.

Driving home, I felt dreadful. I was slumped against the side of the car, just trying to get home in one piece. I figured that if a policeman stopped me, I would either collapse or throw up all over him, and that he could take it from there. I didn't care about anything at that point.

When I got home, about 10 minutes later, I got inside and ran for the bathroom, as I had overwhelming nausea and needed to throw up. However, when I got there, I didn't need to throw up after all. Instead, I used the restroom normally...

... and then I saw the blood. Lots of blood. Pouring, streaming, out into the toilet. It looked like rivers and showers of blood, going everywhere. I had never seen so much blood.

It was at that point that I truly realized that I had lost this baby.

I got to the phone and called our midwife. She gave me directions on what to do, and what to watch for, told me to get DH home, and to rest. I called DH and told him what had happened, and he was home within 20 minutes. I was a tearful mess during this entire time, needless to say.

DH was extremely upset. At first, he insisted on clinging to the hope that we might have had twins and lost only one of them, which really annoyed me. DH occasionally has the habit of clinging to false hope in times when grief is the more appropriate response. It was nice when he got past that phase.... I hope that I put that understandably? But apart from that, he was a great comfort.

We decided not to go the hospital. Our midwife told us that most miscarriages complete on their own just fine, and we didn't want to go in unless we had to. My body showed signs of doing fine on its own (no fever, etc.), so we never saw a doctor. When I hear that nowadays many doctors automatically do D&C procedures on all miscarrying women, regardless of necessity, I am very glad that we stayed home.

After the first hour, I actually felt okay. I took it easy for the rest of the day, and the miscarriage continued like a normal period. I was able to resume normal activities very rapidly.

It surprised me, when I read other miscarriage stories, that normal miscarriages can take much longer and be much more painful than mine was. I am guessing that it is because my pregnancy was a blighted ovum pregnancy that the miscarriage was actually easier than other women's experiences - I have often read of miscarriages being like a "mini labor" experience, with contractions, labor, transition, and "birth" phases, and lasting for many hours or days. Mine was over much sooner.

After a while, when I was feeling better, I went back into the bathroom - and I could see the sac floating in the water. I didn't pick it up. I wish I had. Now, if it happened, I would pick it up, look to see if I could see the baby, and then devise some way of burying it properly. But I wasn't thinking clearly, or thinking at all.... and at the time, in my ignorance, I thought that an eight-and-a-half-week baby would be too small to be seen by the naked eye, so I didn't try to look. Considering the type of pregnancy we had, I was probably right, though a normally-developed child would definitely be clearly visible and easy to find at that gestational age. Anyhow, that is one major regret of my miscarriage. 

DH spent the evening calling all of the family to let them know of our loss - the same family, incidentally, which he had called the evening before to announce our pregnancy. It was a really sad time, a time of grief.

My aunt, who is one of the sweetest women in the world, wrote me a letter "from" our baby. It was precious, and I still have it:

****

"Dear Mommy and Daddy,

"We don't know each other very well because we weren't together very long, but I want you to know I felt your love and anticipation and excitement.

"I know you would make great parents but you can't imagine how wonderful it is being in heaven. Jesus welcomed me into His arms with a big hug and then introduced me to my Gramma Fern. We are having a great time together. She is telling me all about you, Mommy, when you were born and how you grew up. She is very proud of you. We'll have lots to catch up on when you get here!

"I just want you to know I am loved and well cared for here just as I would have been if I had stayed with you. But we have to obey Jesus when He says come home so that's what I did.

"I'm giving you this little bear (included with letter) to be a reminder of me until we meet in heaven - soon I hope!

"I LOVE YOU,

"Until"


***


She was so sweet, and we appreciated that so much.

The most hurtful comment was from an unnamed family member, who said "Oh well, you weren't really pregnant yet anyway."

Oh.

I found my emotional recovery to be... okay. It wasn't easy, and it wasn't terribly hard. We told our church family the following Sunday, and we were immediately surrounded by love and sympathy. They were so wonderful. Three months later, we were pregnant again and were almost immediately plunged into the life-altering world of hyperemesis gravidarum, previously mentioned, which left me neither thought nor energy (nor consciousness) to deal with anything past surviving minute-to-minute. But we remember our little one with love, and we look forward to meeting him or her in Heaven.

We did not name our baby, since we did not have a distinct impression about sex. That too will have to wait for Heaven.

And there you have it. The story of our first baby's "birth" - born not into our arms, but into eternity - but loved and remembered always.

I'm so glad I finally wrote this out - every baby deserves his own birth story, even if it a story in which "hello" and "goodbye" are intertwined.

Baby, we'll see you in Heaven. We love you.

HG Protocols and Action Plans

As I read more and more writings from hyperemesis mamas, I notice a common theme: Mamas who have had HG once often write out action plans or "HG protocols" while planning subsequent pregnancies. I did, myself, and now I see other women doing it too.

There are two types of plans commonly written up: (1) A pre-conception plan, for preparing one's body and one's family/life/children/etc. to deal with HG or to avoid it, (2) A treatment plan for post-conception NVP. Sometimes the two types of plans are merged.

After #1 was born, and I started noodling about with the idea of a #2, I first wrote out a "things to do before we get pregnant" list. It's not half-bad, on a basic level, but unfortunately I can't figure out how to paste a table into this blog entry. It had a column each for task to complete, date of completion, and notes. Here are the items that I wrote down (this was about 2 years ago):

Item

DH’s job must be stable
DH’s job must be well-paid
Maternity Coverage
House – bought
Belongings – packed
Move – completed
Belongings – unpacked
Major home projects finished
Plan for DS – DS on solids
Plan for DS – sleep through night
Plan for DS – church help
Plan for DS – mom’s help
Meet with naturopath
Meet with OB
Pre-conception cleansing diet
Research HG supplements/drugs
Set target date for conception
Set up budget
Plan finances for future
Learn Natural Family Planning
Pray for guidance, easier pg
Start taking milk thistle
Start taking B6
Purchase Morningwell CD
Purchase Morning Sickness Balm
Speak to deaconesses for help
Plan for office substitutes
Make sure house is clean
Buy supplements
Finish HG-prevention/treatment protocol
Protocol approved by midwife
Protocol approved by OB
Protocol approved by Motherisk
Protocol approved by Shonda Parker
Protocol reviewed by hyperemesis.org
Contact church family to ask for prayers
Contact the churches I work for to let them know unavailable
Contact our midwife for prenatal care

From my notes, it looks like I completed about half of my to-do list before our little surprise-baby joined us.

My second list was the above-mentioned HG-prevention and treatment protocol. You can see the short version here, and gosh, I went to a lot of work for it! I read, researched, went online, got it checked out by Motherisk, my OB, my midwife, and Shonda Parker (a famous herbalist and midwife). Too bad none of it worked (that I know of). Here is the longer version, in case anyone is interested:

****

Pre-Conception

WHOLE FOODS DIET
Purpose: Cleansing
Dosage:
Brand:
Notes:

WATER WITH LEMON
Purpose: Liver cleanser
Dosage: At least once a day – as often as possible
Brand:
Notes: Recommended by Shonda Parker

VITAMIN
Purpose: General nutrition, folic acid
Dosage: One daily
Brand:
Notes:

PRO-BIOTICS
Purpose: GI health and general health
Dosage: Acidophilus (1 cap daily) and yogurt
Brand:
Notes:

OMEGA-3
Purpose: General health
Dosage: 1-2 capsules of fish oil daily
Brand:
Notes:

B-COMPLEX SUPPLEMENT
Purpose: Morning sickness prevention
Dosage: 1 B-100 daily or 2 B-50 daily (each contains 100 mg or 50 mg each, respectively, of all the B-vitamins, including B6)
Brand:
Notes:

MILK THISTLE
Purpose: Liver Cleansing
Dosage: 2 capsules daily
Brand: Thislyn is a good brand. Anything with 70-80% silmaryn
Notes: Recommended by Shonda Parker

As Soon as Pregnancy is Confirmed

WHOLE FOODS DIET, cont’d
Purpose: Cleansing, health
Dosage:
Brand:
Notes:

WATER WITH LEMON, cont’d
Purpose: Liver cleanser
Dosage: Lots and lots and lots and lots!!
Brand:
Notes: Recommended by Shonda Parker

PRENATAL VITAMIN
Purpose: General nutrition, folic acid
Dosage: One daily
Brand: Possibly something without iron???
Notes:

PRO-BIOTICS
Purpose: GI health and general health
Dosage: Acidophilus (2 tablets with every meal) and yogurt
Brand:
Notes:

OMEGA-3
Purpose: General health
Dosage: 2-4 capsules of fish oil daily
Brand: Possibly NOW?
Notes: Is this needed if I’m doing the Entrox EFA supplement?

DICLECTIN REPLICA:
- Start with 4 doses per day, up to 6, then up to 8 with OB’s supervision. Standard timing is one morning, one mid-day, two at night

B-COMPLEX SUPPLEMENT
Purpose: Morning sickness prevention
Dosage: 10 mg four times per day (not sure if should do B-complex or B6 alone). This dose is to replicate Diclectin. It is safe to take up to 200 mg of B6, so I’d probably take more
Brand:
Notes:

UNISOM (DOXYLAMINE SUCCINATE)
Purpose: Morning sickness prevention
Dosage: 10 mg four times per day, taken with the b-complex (cut 25 mg pills in half)
Brand:
Notes:

VITAMIN C
Purpose: Absorption
Dosage: Take a little bit with the B-complex and unisom
Brand:
Notes:

MILK THISTLE
Purpose: Liver Cleansing
Dosage: Increase to 3 capsules daily
Brand: Thislyn is a good brand. Anything with 70-80% silmaryn
Notes: Recommended by Shonda Parker

WILD YAM
Purpose: NVP prevention
Dosage: (1) 3 capsules per day, (2) 1-2 tsp. dried extract three times daily, (3) 2-4 mL tincture three times daily)
Brand:
Notes:

DANDELION
Purpose: Cleansing, health, NVP Prevention
Dosage: As directed on bottle?
Brand:
Notes:

MORNING SICKNESS BALM BY MOUNTAIN MEADOW HERBS
Purpose: NVP prevention
Dosage: As directed on bottle
Brand:
Notes: http://www.mountainmeadowherbs.com/morning-sickness-balm-p-32.html?osCsid=8792a1b5dfaa82954bd35f5bd4534f0b

GINGER
Purpose: NVP prevention
Dosage: 1,000 mg every 2-3 hours as needed, no more than 20,000 mg per day
Brand:
Notes: Shonda Parker

ENTROX
Purpose: NVP prevention; this is an EFA supplement
Dosage: 3 caps per day with meals
Brand:
Notes: Shonda Parker

ABSORBAID
Purpose: NVP prevention; this is an enzyme supplement
Dosage: 2 caps three times daily with meals
Brand:
Notes: Shonda Parker


SPECIFICALLY FOR NVP

LEGUMES
Purpose: Supposedly helps deal with nausea
Dosage:
Brand:
Notes: http://www.karenhurd.com/morningsickness.html

BREASTFEEDING
Purpose: Helps some women with nausea
Dosage:
Brand:
Notes: Reference – Midwifery Today

GINGER
Purpose: NVP prevention
Dosage: 1,000 mg every 2-3 hours as needed, no more than 20,000 mg per day – or till you can taste it!
Brand:
Notes:

MORNINGWELL CD
Purpose: Supposedly helps deal with nausea
Dosage:
Brand:
Notes:

CHIROPRACTIC CARE
Purpose: For NVP
Dosage:
Brand:
Notes:

ACUPRESSURE/ACUPUNCTURE
Purpose: For NVP
Dosage:
Brand:
Notes:

HOMEOPATHICS
Purpose: For NVP
Dosage:
Brand:
Notes:

PHARMACEUTICALS
Purpose: For NVP
Dosage: Under an OB’s care
Brand:
Notes:

FALSE UNICORN TINCTURE
Purpose: For NVP
Dosage: ½ - 1 tsp. tincture or ½-1/4 tsp. (1-2 g) extract three times daily
Brand:
Notes:

OTHER HERBS
Purpose: For NVP
Dosage:
Brand: alfalfa, basil, black horehound, chamomile, ginger, lavender, peppermint, peach leaf, wild yam root, red raspberry leaf, yellow dock
Notes:

****

Of course, when I say that it didn't work, I mean the parts that I got around to. I didn't get around to everything - too sick! So don't write off what was written, as it really did have a lot of research behind it and might help someone. Just not me!

I thought my HG plans/protocols were pretty good... until I saw other people's plans! If you go to www.helpher.org and read the forums, you will see a lot of pre-conception plans. Two HG bloggers have published theirs as well, and they are excellent.... and light years beyond mine. Please take a few minutes to check them out:

Knocked Up, Knocked Over: The Protocol

(Also, check out her "The HG Kit" - WOW!)

While you're at it, "Knocked Up, Knocked Over" could really use your thoughts, prayers, and written encouragement - she is in the middle of a really bad time with HG. Head over and leave your love if you have a moment.

And here is the other pre-conception plan:

Island of Grief, Mountain of Joy

So.... Have any of you other mamas out there made lists and action plans? I think it's a smart thing to do, especially the "to do before trying to conceive" ones. Lists make me feel better, even if nothing on them helps.

What do you think?

Life With Two

I am an only child. Raised alone, with an extended family that also had no other children, in a neighborhood with almost no children. I'm used to being an only-child in every sense of the word.

So, two years ago, when we found ourselves unexpectedly expecting our latest little one (Oops! Oh wait, we meant to do that), I had to wrap my mind around a new paradigm.

What do these large families (i.e. more than one child) do, anyway? And can I survive as a mother of more than one child?

One of the biggest adjustments I found with having our first child was learning to keep track of a moving dot in my mind - that is, my child's location. Pre-kids, I just had to pay attention to what I was doing. Post-birth, I had to keep track of not just myself, but also our baby/todder - (1) where is he?, (2) what is he doing?, and (3) is he doing anything particularly life-threatening?

So, predictably, one adjustment that had to be made upon the birth of a second child was adding another dot to my mental map. It's kind of a sub-conscious background thing - just learning to have a constant low-level of awareness of where each child is, what he/she is doing, and if he/she is in any immediate danger. I guess that's an adjustment that has to be made with each child - adding another moving dot to one's mental map!

In terms of adding another child, I have had a much easier time than many moms. Why?

(1) I had my "hard" one first and my "easy" one second. Much easier than the other way around! One mom I know said that she had an easy-beyond-belief introduction into motherhood when her #1 was a compliant, docile little guy, and then had her world rocked when her strong-willed #2 entered the world. I much prefer the way it happened for me!

(2) Being that our little guy, due to his health issues, is still non-mobile, I am having a much easier time than most moms do when #2 becomes mobile. Right now, if I put #2 down somewhere, he stays there! Lovely! He's starting to roll a bit, so I can't leave him on unguarded beds, but on the whole, he's not going to show up in the bathroom five minutes later, drinking bleach. Thank goodness. I've had enough bleach-drinking for a lifetime.

Also, our #2 is a much calmer, quieter, kind of guy, so I don't think he'll be the up-down-all-around whirlwind that our #1 was, even when he does become mobile.

Also, I have been blessed in that our older son has taken well to his younger brother. He was uber-jealous before the birth, but his jealousy pretty much vanished at birth. (I have to put a plug in here for having siblings present at births.... We had an awesome experience having our 3yo at baby's birth, and it was at that point that the jealousy vanished. I have heard the same story repeated over and over and over from other mums, so we'll definitely keep up the habit if any other little ones join us. Advertisement over.)

However, having a #2 has resulted in many more chores to be done, a much longer to-do list, and much less discretionary time. A lot of my attempts at crunchiness have gone to the wall - hopefully they'll have time to reappear sometime in later years? I don't know. But here's a run-down at things that have had to go the way of all good things since a second child entered our lives:

- Line-drying of clothes - The dryer is my friend. Rough on clothes, but that's okay.

- Ironing - I know a wonderful young woman who says firmly, "I don't iron." I resisted for a long time, but I have now made her mantra my own. It's a wonderful way to live.

- Making my own peanut butter - Not worth the time, though it was fun. Other homemade items have similarly bitten the dust. I still make my own yogurt and my own baby food.

- Complicated recipes - Almost my entire recipe collection has been revamped. Pre-babies, I made homemade pizza, homemade pierogi, homemade bread, the works. Now my world revolves around what is fast and what can go in the crockpot. I still go with all-natural, for the most part, but lengthy time-consuming recipes are a thing of the past.

- Super-thriftiness - I don't price match any more. I should, but I don't. And I don't spend tons of time trying to find deals or looking for recipes that I can make for under $2.00. I just make a meal-plan around the ads at Sprouts and go from there. Part of it is frustration with "thrifty" recipes that are nothing but white flour in a variety of forms, and part of it is just an issue of NO TIME. If I can get to the store, get what we need, and make it on a nightly basis, I'm happy.

- Cloth napkins - I have a lovely collection, but the vast amount of processing time isn't worth the tiny savings right now. Maybe later.

- Getting rid of plastic - Getting plastic out of our house has been a goal of mine.... and it still is.... but I am so stinking tired of cleaning up broken glass. Plastic is in for now.

- Nixing the microwave - I've wanted to stop using the microwave for a long time. But now, with two kids, the microwave is my meal-by-meal companion. Ah, well. Another time.

- Housecleaning - Ah, yes. My arch-nemesis. Housecleaning is something that really, really bugs me. When I was a pre-kids homemaker, I happily spent all day every day cleaning and organizing. Mmm. May I say that I was an uptight housekeeper?

In fact, here's a funny story: When our doula for our first birth met with us, she asked us what we wanted for our birth (candles, music, massage, etc.). I told her that I didn't care what she did for me; the only thing that I cared about was not letting the house get messy during the birth (clutter, etc.) - so would she please just see that the house stayed clean?

*Sigh*

Now, knowing a bit about childbirth, I would never say something like that (and I also know what I want and need from a doula!). But that was just a reflection of my "need for clean."

And that's still there - it's just being progressively repressed. Forcefully. But it's not easy to let go of standards - it's kind of like prying open the jaws of an enraged and locked-on pit bull.

However, having a second child has forced me to lessen my housekeeping standards... again. It's painful, but necessary.

However, there have been some positive repercussions. For example, now being a little bit more loosened up, I can kinda-sorta-almost relax with a mildly messy house (or rather, not really, but I can pretend). Also, I've started to do more things with and for my family - like making Saturday breakfasts, or playing with our eldest - that I didn't do too much of before because I was so uptight about the house.

Other notes:

Having a second child has pushed me further in terms of maturity. I think that every child added to a family is a sanctifying influence upon the parents (if they choose to let it be so) because it forces us further away from our selfish desires and pursuits into the service of others. Having an older child is forcing me to develop authority and discipline and a backbone, none of which I have naturally. Having a baby at the same time is teaching me to multi-task, to push myself further, to die to my own desires even further to meet the needs of my family.

It is also more physically demanding, as I am now dealing with sleep disturbances at night and an active family during the day. First-time mothers, please remember to relax and sleep when your baby sleeps, because it is the only time that that luxury exists! When #2 arrives, there is always a #1 demanding attention. I still enforce a daily nap/quiet time with an unfailing energy, because it is my saving grace, but there is no more of having several daily times when baby is sleeping and I am free (too bad!!!).

Having a second child has been a really good thing for me, and I'm so glad God chose to bless our family with our sweet little one. If it weren't for the HG issue, I would definitely jump into it again wholeheartedly (I'm going to post on this subject soon.... remind me if I forget).

Any comments? How has having a child, or a second or third or fourth child, impacted your life?