Water, Water Everywhere!

It's been a watery couple of days.

First of all.... I was leaving the Phoenix Birth Circle on Thursday, and when I walked outside, the sky was AMAZING!! There was so much lightning that it looked like the flash of cameras in a sports stadium during the Olympics. I couldn't even count the flashes - definitely greater than 5-10 per second. It was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen.

It stayed dry till I was almost to the freeway, and then the rain hit with a fury that I have seldom seen. I immediately had to pull over onto the shoulder, and I stayed there for about ten minutes, until I could see well enough to get off the freeway - and after that I took side streets home! What an adventure!! Monsoons are beautiful, but they're no fun to drive in.

Then the next day (yesterday), I was peacefully having my devotion when I suddenly became aware of the sound of gently tinkling water. "Hmm," I think, "Why would there be the sound of running water in my bedroom?" I get up to investigate, and find that we have water literally pouring through the ceiling in our guest bathroom and flooding the hallway. By the time emergency maintenance gets there, it's risen to above-toe level. Thankfully our maintenance crews are wonderful (unlike the last owners of this complex, for whom we are STILL waiting to come and clean up the last emergency flooding from 2 years ago), and they had the leak fixed and the water suctioned up within 45 minutes. Now we are walking on a floating carpet (they stuck a blower underneath it to dry the pad, and it lifts the carpet throughout the whole house!), and our cat is totally freaked out.

So it's been an eventful couple of days! We're looking forward to the holiday weekend and a bit of free time.

Love to all!

Note for "Alicia"

Hi, Alicia! I can't (or can't figure out how to) answer your note ("reply" doesn't work), but if you email me your blog or a way to contact you, I'd love to answer!

Quitters, Anonymous

I quit. Officially!

I tried DH's diet for an entire week. The first three days were easy; the next two were hard; the last two were impossible. After church I told DH, "This is it. I'm quitting." Then I went home and ate a corn muffin and felt much better.

Apparently I have little to no self-control!

I don't want to bash this diet of DH's. It is based on an enormous amount of research and has an amazing track record of reversing chronic and life-threatening illnesses.

Living with it, though, especially when one is motivated only by the enthusiasm of one's hubbie, is quite another thing. It is very strict. This diet temporarily bans all fruit (torture for me) and pretty much permanently bans sugar, grains, most dairy, legumes, some fruits, and all baked goods, as well as some other stuff I can't remember... oh yes, and a ton of other yummy vegetables such as corn, peas, potatoes, sweet potatoes, and winter squash, among others. It was horribly depressing!!! Not to mention that the final phase of the diet was basically vegetarian raw-foodism. Not that I mind raw food, and I'm trying to incorporate more of it into my diet, but a 90% raw food diet.... hmmm.

Of course, I'm not going off the deep end. I still want to stay on a whole-foods diet, both for my health and also for any future pregnancies (to avoid hyperemesis, if at all possible). I do want to focus on minimizing grains and upping my intake of vegetables, raw and cooked. But the strict bans on so many foods were driving me up a WALL.

I'm thinking of trying more of "The Maker's Diet" approach. It's also a great diet which is much less restrictive (on fruit and vegetables, for one).

No wonder those Atkin's diets drove people mad. They must have had much more self-control than I, for I only lasted just short of a week. Some people do it for months or years!

But DH has lost weight even in this week and is looking better, so I know that this diet is great. It's not the diet's fault if I'm a wimpy little wuss with no self-control!

Onto other things....

I am once again having my "not pregnant again!" relief-party of the month. It is absolutely ridiculous what I put myself through each month. The last week of my cycle I spend in an absolute suspense of fear, waiting for that lengthened luteal phase which will tell me.... "this is it." And I do this ridiculous see-sawing back and forth with the whole thing. I'll convince myself that I probably am pregnant, and will immediately start panicking and thinking, "Why did you do this to yourself? Why can't you follow your NFP rules? You idiot!" and start running around looking for the exit door. Then I'll convince myself that I'm not pregnant and will immediately think, "Gosh, I'm disappointed. I wanted to be pregnant. I could have dealt with it. I miss being pregnant! I want another baby! Waaahhh!!" I go back and forth like that in a frenzied manner for an entire week until it all proves to have been worry for nothing.

I don't think I'll ever be able to get over this fear. It's now been almost three years since my journey with hyperemesis started. If three years isn't enough to get over the fear and be willing to try again, how long must I wait? Till ten years post-menopause??

I really do think that we are probably dealing with some secondary infertility issues at this point. To put it bluntly, we couldn't have timed things better if we'd been actively trying for a baby - but no baby. So either something has happened with my body, or God is just being good to us in giving us more time. That in itself is rather frightening.... What exactly is it that we need time to prepare for? *nervous laugh*

I wish that I could avoid this monthly cycle of fear, but until we learn to obey our NFP rules, it is inevitable. And one day.... Yes, one day, we'll probably wait for a cycle that doesn't start. That will be when things get interesting around here.

As I've said, we've been trying to wait for conception until after we move into our house. Or rather, "our house," as that edifice is strictly fictitious at this point. After having lost our tenth bid, we have been extremely sluggish in moving into the search-mode again. *Sigh* But we'd better do something soon if we don't want to be in this apartment forever.

Well, real life awaits! I think an hour of blogging is enough for anyone.

Cheers! Love you all!

Book Review: "Body Mutiny" by Jenna Schmitt

"Body Mutiny"
Jenna Schmitt
2006, 150 pages

I first met Jenna Schmitt four months ago, when she and another HG-mum (Sarah, whose story is on this blog) and I became acquainted. Jenna and Sarah met online; Sarah and I met through our midwife, and the three of us then hooked up as a threesome and eventually met in person. We are all Phoenicians (more or less) and live within an hour of each other. I now regularly correspond with them both and have learned a ton from them - and I value their friendship!

Jenna is an amazing woman. She endured what was probably one of the most intense cases of hyperemesis in history - and lived to tell about it, which is nothing short of a miracle. She tells her story in her book's introduction, and it is truly an amazing story.

"Body Mutiny" is not an informational book like Ashli McCall's "Beyond Morning Sickness: Battling Hyperemesis Gravidarum." It is an experiential book - a book of verse (one section per week of pregnancy) written about the individual experience with hyperemesis and that is deeply introspective and very intense.

I got a real kick out of this:

"When I turn my head, things shift like vertigo -

and my belly

FLOPS

down off an unseen edge;

drool releases,

followed by a full-body heave

which elevates me well off of the throne.

Into the depths of a white wastebasket

I retch boundlessly and enthusiastically without yield -

In fact, I retch joyfully with every muscle, strained from shoulder to toe,

all in obeisance to the great and holy

demands of early life.

My head swirls and

I feel as if I am an honored vessel

of divine consecration

glowing like the Madonna

in my lavatory splendor

I resolve to be humble and accepting,

happy to bear discomfort and

eager to bend the obstinate ego

to a higher love:

'Not my will but thine'

I glisten really at the very thought of it.

These glorious moments of sacred contortion

soon fill my days with the same results:

BULGING EYES

RAGGED BREATHS

and

CELLULAR STRAINING

Prolonged retching within the bowels of self

soon voids up any arrogance that remains."

(Schmitt 2006:35-36)

Oh, that made me laugh!! I did the very same thing. I guess we all have (I hope - I don't want to be arrogant on my own). One is so proud to feel those first faint twinges of nausea - one even wants to feel more in order to feel more pregnant, more self-sacrificial, more like a mother. "Oh, yeah!! Bring it on!!!" And then one's world comes crashing down as one realizes that this is not going to be controllable; this is not going to stop; and no, it is not manageable and cute. That is when your world falls apart.

Although I know somewhat what Jenna has been through, I am by no means in her league. Jenna's case was ten, twenty, fifty times worse than mine. She spent a huge portion of her pregnancy in the hospital with a PICC line. She has been on every antiemetic drug in the book. She dealt with life-threatening staph and e-coli infections from infected PICC lines and skin infections, as well as an infected gallbladder (common side-effect of HG) and the side-effects of an induction leading to a c-section (done to shorten her term with HG). She had to wilfully struggle with enormous temptations toward both suicide and abortion (and she is a devout Catholic who would never consider either thing normally). I pray that I am never where Jenna has been with this horrible disease.

I highly recommend this book. It is not a book that will be useful in terms of finding help for hyperemesis - stick with Ashli McCall for that. It is, instead, a book that is highly useful for emotional healing post-HG and for finding out that there truly is someone out there who knows what you have been through.

Jenna told me that several customers have bought multiple copies of this book to hand out to unbelieving/non-understanding friends and family, and I would highly recommend this book for that purpose. It is a great way to induce understanding without having to get into arguments or involved explanations of hyperemesis.

I highly recommend this book for all HG-mums and their libraries! I am thankful to have had the opportunity to read it and will recommend it to anyone who wants to know more about the subject.

My Own Version of "You Know You've Got HG When...."

I thought I'd change this list to mirror my experience. As I've noted before, I had mild hyperemesis, so the intense stuff doesn't apply too much to me. I'm leaving in the ones I've experienced and adding some new ones.

You Know You've Got HG When...

- You want to kill people who tell you to eat crackers
- You dutifully try to eat said crackers, ignoring the fact that they are making you sicker... and sicker... and sicker
- You buy Ensure by the case...and you are only 27 years old
- Your hubby shops at five different stores trying to get deals on Ensure (those babies are expensive!)
- You can pontificate in ridiculous detail about the virtues of various nutrition drinks - Boost, Ensure, Slimfast, generic brands (Chocolate Boost rocks; don't even waste your money with the generics)
- You forget you are pregnant (seriously - very seriously)
- You think about writing a book about throwing up (basically, with this blog, I am!)
- You tell your husband, "Okay, we can watch this for a few minutes, but I'll need to go throw up for a while before we can finish it." (this is at the tail end when you're feeling much better)
- Taking your prenatal vitamin is about as practical an idea as swallowing a beached whale.
- Your husband’s complaints of nausea makes you laugh.
- You think, "Next week I'll feel better... and next week.... and next week.... and next week...."
- The nausea causes you to lose all fear of labor pain.
- You are finally at your target body weight after all those years of trying.... and you're too darn sick to care.
- The idea of eternity takes on a whole new meaning.
- Post-HG: The following phrase has driven you to the brink of madness: "Come on, we all dealt with morning sickness!"
- You think eating an entire bowl of cereal constitutes a good meal.
- You call your entire family to tell them about said bowl of cereal ("Hey, guess what! I just ate a whole bowl of cereal! Cereal!!)
- After recovering, you thank God every day for the rest of your life for your health

You Know You've Got Hyperemesis When.....

Found this on the web. Too funny! I can vouch for about half of these. If you're an HG mum and have some you'd like to contribute, send them on!

You Know You've Got HG When...

- You want to kill people who tell you to eat crackers
- You buy Ensure by the case...and you are only 27 years old
- You forgot you are pregnant
- You think about writing a book about throwing up.
- You throw up and it plops out like cookie dough because you are so dehydrated.
- You have to bring your own soap to to the hospital for your baby's delivery becasue their soap is the one that was used to rinse out your vomit basin during those numerous HG hospital/ER visits.
- The humming sound of an IV motor puts you right to sleep.
- You invite your home nurse to your baby shower.
- When your husband’s complaints of nausea make you laugh.
- You show up at the hospital to deliver and you brought your own IV fluids.
- You think eating an entire bowl of cereal constitutes a good meal.
- Your doctor tells you the worst is over when you just start contractions.

The Insanity Continues....

So we're now on Day #4 of the new diet DH has us trying. It's been easier than I thought! Time-consuming, and somewhat confusing, but not that bad. Hopefully it'll continue that way!

I wouldn't have chosen to go whole-hog with this thing, so it's probably a good thing I have a fanaticism-tendencied hubbie who does dive in feet first to any new enthusiasm. After all, I do have a good bit of weight that I'd love to lose. I could be charitable and call it leftover baby-weight, but as a matter of fact, it would be more accurate to call it toddler weight! Weight that suddenly started putting in an appearance around DS's first birthday - I have no idea why, but I have been too tired to care (much) or do anything about it! So it's probably good that my hand was forced by a now fanatically-health-food-minded hubbie (and this is the man who couldn't get through twelve hours without a soda or two.....).

Of course, we'll have to see if it lasts. Give it a couple of weeks or months! I'll write in then to say if it's a lasting passion or a short-lived spark. I'm good either way.

Other than that, our life has been just a busy routine of work, church, toddler-care, and ANTS. Lots of ANTS!!!! We're now in that late-summer phase wherein if a particle of food is dropped on the floor, there will be a thin black line charging toward it in an hour. I have always been fanatic about animal rights and not killing unnecessarily (taking spiders outside, etc.), but ant hoardes are one thing that can turn me into a wild-eyed mass murderer.

Well, I'm wasting DS's nap! Onto more productive things!!